Someone I Love

In my last post, I talked about passion versus validation. Now I want to talk about something related but in a different way.

When I was dating, I figured out something: 1) I could either be the person that I thought the other person would be attracted to or 2) I could become the person that I would have found attractive. I know that, growing up, we focus a lot on what makes us cool and popular. We want to be wanted by the person we are attracted to (and maybe even the people we aren’t attracted to). We like the things that we think others will want us to like and we do the things that everyone else does. But is this really us? Do we respect ourselves? If we were on the opposite side, would we want to date the person we are?

This is something that even relates to my life today as a wife and mother. Stepping into that role really messes with your self-esteem in some ways. I mean, doesn’t long-term get boring? Especially after you’ve had a kid? Now, you’re tired and have gained weight and don’t have the same social life going anymore. How can you get your significant other to even notice you?

My insecurity levels have definitely gone up after having a kid. I feel like my husband has continued to move forward career wise and can do a lot more things than I can at the moment. Being stagnant hasn’t been the best place for me. The feeling was worse right before and after I had my baby. A few months after the pregnancy, it started getting better. But I still felt really dependent and kept wondering if he was still even attracted to me or if he still loved me.

I hate that feeling! I don’t like questioning how he feels about me and I really despise myself for thinking negatively. I realized that the problem wasn’t him. The problem was myself. I haven’t been attracted to myself. Not necessarily looks-wise only but also my personality. If I was someone else, I would never look twice because I’m emitting qualities that I am not crazy about.

So I’m going back to my dating mantra. Become the person you would be attracted to. Do things that make me feel good about myself. If I ever question how someone else feels about me, I know to tell myself that I’m being the best person I can be because I really do like who I am.

The only person that is responsible for making me feel good is myself. And I deserve to be with someone that really loves me. I’m lucky that I also have my husband and family and friends but the only person that is required to love me all the time is me. So that’s what I’m going to do.

Be someone I love.

Egos

We’re all just normal people, right? We live our every day lives and do our every day things. Until we have a big idea and do something that positively affects the lives of many around us.

The ego is an interesting thing. I’m not talking in the psychological sense. I’m talking in the sense of when people have a big ego. Trust me, it’s not hard to get when people admire or appreciate you for doing something. From what I’ve seen, it is more difficult to stay grounded when things really happen for you.

Granted, that whatever you accomplished probably took a lot of determination and hard work. The achievement was probably well-deserved. So what happens when you start developing an ego about it?

I know people who are some of the best at what they do and are completely grounded. I know people who have worked for where they are now and somehow believe that this allows them to treat others like they are less. So it goes both ways.

I think the thing to remember is that everything passes. If you’ve achieved something, that achievement will eventually be yesterday’s news. Everything moves forward, everything keeps growing and changing. How long can you sit on that one achievement and expect to be admired for it?

I see people my age who keep trying to keep the limelight on themselves. It’s almost like the only thing they are trying to do now is feed their own ego. It’s sad that they aren’t even considering the side effects of this need. When I say side effects, I mean the fact that I’ve seen these same people walk over, take advantage, and really disregard the feelings of others. People get hurt in the process and these egotistical people do not take any responsibility for it.

I do believe that what goes around comes around. I think that if you have an honest heart and mind, that will show itself back to you somehow. You will get the respect and admiration you deserve. So keep doing what to do and know that it will pay off in the end.