Tag: divorce

A Request

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Who We Are Today has been in existence for about 8 years now. Over this time, I’ve discussed different social issues that affect South Asian Indian Americans. But most of it has been from my sole perspective.

Everyone has stories. Everyone has different stories. Some are unique to us as Indians who migrated and became the first generation in their families who settled in the US. Some are unique to us as the first generation growing up in America. We all have something that happened to us that caused us to stray from our traditional path and create something new. We all have something that we needed to break away from. So now I want to share these stories.

Because if we don’t share these stories, who will?

Growing up in America means that the only history I grew up with was the one with Christopher Columbus sailing the ocean blue and discovering this country. Obviously, we now know that that’s not exactly the way it went. I definitely didn’t know as much about Indian history as I would have liked to. Anything that I’ve learned has been through Hindi movies and maybe a few books in recent years.

Most of us know someone who lived through Partition and some of the major wars that India participated in. Freedom fighters, Emergency, immigration, bullying, arranged marriages, love marriages, divorce, death, these are all discussions that shape us whether we grew up in India or in America.

So I have a request. I would like to share your story. It could be about your experience growing up in India. It could about breaking away from the traditional path while growing up in America. I believe every story is worth telling. We have lived through something important that others would benefit from hearing about. We are a huge part of this world and I think it’s time we put ourselves out there.

If you’d like to participate, please email me at whowearetoday@gmail.com or message me on social media. I’m open to any story you’d like to share as well as protecting your identity if you aren’t ready to put your name out there in the world.

I hope we can do this together. Thank you.

Why Don’t We Talk About It?

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I met someone who was telling me about her journey to have her children. She was open about it which she mentioned was unusual for an Indian person.

She wasn’t wrong.

Why don’t we talk about it? I’m not just talking about things like miscarriages and infertility but also other things that we think are embarrassing or that we will be judged for in the Indian society.

Why should we be embarrassed? So many people go through things such as depression, therapy, divorce, miscarriages, in vitro fertilization, difficult births, and having a hard time adjusting to being a parent. The list goes on and on.

Why shouldn’t we talk about it? I’ve personally been through quite a few of these things and I try to be open about it because if my experiences can help one other person see that it’s normal to feel like this or go through this and it helps them figure out how to make themselves feel better, then it’s worth it.

We keep worrying about being judged by our community or society but seriously, what the hell? Who cares if some aunty talks about the fact that you had trouble getting pregnant? I promise you a fair number of the generation before us also had the same problems. So why do they believe that not looking like the “perfect” person is a bad thing?

As I said in Emotional Awareness- Yes, It’s A Real Thing, mental health is important. And as a South Asian Indian, we hide from our feelings. We try to play off that everything is always okay. Everything is not always okay. And most of us probably understand that even though we don’t share it. It’s a good thing to be able to recognize when you aren’t okay because recognizing that is a step to helping yourself.

It’s okay to not be happy 100% of the time. It’s okay to go through things. It’s okay to have physical and emotional health problems. And talking about it gives you a chance to finding a solution. It also gives you a chance to find a support system to lean on. None of these things makes you a worse person. None of them make you a weak person. Acknowledge and own what you are going through. Once you do, no one else’s judgment matters.

So let’s talk about it.

We Indians Need To Learn How To Be More Compassionate

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I had a hard time writing about this topic: compassion. I just wasn’t sure what I could write about. I wasn’t even sure if I knew anything about this topic at all. I even looked up what compassion means so I could figure out what to write about. The problem is I tend to be more empathetic and can see that more clearly. But Webster’s said that empathy was not the same as compassion.

So, 3 days after the deadline, I finally realized what I could write about.

I’m a South Asian Indian born and raised in America. I come from a background where we tend to judge each other quicker than we show compassion. If something doesn’t go right or something bad happens, it somehow had to be that person’s fault. They did something that caused that bad thing to happen. I had a friend once tell me that when she told her mother about her miscarriage, her mother’s first words to her were “What did you do?”.

We, as a community, also don’t speak about so much that is happening around us. Things that require compassion are being hidden and causing emotional havoc in our lives, things like broken engagements, broken marriages, emotional abuse, physical abuse, miscarriages, infertility, depression, suicidal thoughts.

It upsets me that these are things that so many of us have gone through but yet, we still worry about telling the person next to us in fear that they will judge us. We aren’t able to share what we have really been through.

I have personally been through a few of these things. When I had, I completely disappeared from our community’s social scene. The only time I felt I deserved to be back in it is when I had done something indisputably good to make up for a few of the “bad” things I had done or been through. I couldn’t hold my head up around them until I had finally achieved something that our community could be proud of and say “Yes, I know that woman”.

Why should I feel ashamed for my circumstances in life? Why should I feel like everyone is talking about me behind my back? Why should I have to worry about being judged for making decisions to make my life better?

So my call is to the South Asian Indian community today. Be compassionate. Stop letting others feel like they will be judged for going through hard times in life. Not a single one of us is better than another. We will be stronger as a community if we help each other instead of tearing each other down. Share what you personally have gone through because I can guarantee you that the person next to you has gone through something that’s been life changing and difficult as well.

I was inspired to write this by #1000Speak. Compassion is something that I believe in but don’t see often enough.

Check out the other stories of compassion.