Tag: effort

Mom Life

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I know I posted regularly for about 2 weeks and then, I stopped posting again. I go through this phase of trying to be productive so I schedule my day and try to keep up with everything. Somewhere between the start and the end of the week, I get tired or sick and everything goes to hell. I lose all momentum in trying to rest and recover and it takes a genuine effort to start becoming productive again.

So many times, I feel like I’m just barely keeping on top of everything. I’m barely getting the laundry done and cooking dinner and cleaning up stuff. I get my kids through each day. My last priority ends up being exercising or blogging or anything with regards to self-care.

I know this is on me (because I could give up watching that last tv show and go to sleep earlier which in turn would give me more energy throughout the day). I’m not sure how to do everything I want while doing everything I need to get done.

It’s difficult to give anything my full attention as well. If I want to blog (like I am doing now), I’m not paying attention to my child. If I want to play with my kids, something else takes a back seat. Nap time is only a temporary break where I feed myself and sit for a moment. And that’s only if both kids nap at once.

Before kids, I always had me time. Sleep was never a priority. So now, everything shifts as me time is a very specially planned segment of my day and I have to put sleep over other things I want to do.

I’m not sure how to feel like I’m on top of everything all the time. No matter what, there is always something to be done.

This blog post feels a bit like I’m rambling on about something with no focus. Welcome to my brain right now.

Where Did My Passion Go?

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I used to have passions. A weekend wouldn’t go by where I wasn’t dancing. Even now, the thrill of performing is like nothing else to me. When I started this blog, there would be a new post every day. The feeling I got from putting my thoughts together and out into the world was amazing.

But, somewhere along the way, my passions seem to have disappeared. It’s not that I don’t love dancing or writing anymore. It’s that making time for them has become more and more difficult. Taking the time to do so requires a lot of careful planning and effort. And,sometimes, it feels easier to just do nothing than to use your down time to do any kind of work.

I know that having a kid changes certain things. Your priorities change. Your child comes before anything and everything else. But should we let everything change? Or should we still find time to pursue our passions?

How do we balance the things that make us happy? How do we keep up the motivation to do everything that really defines who we are? Do we owe it to ourselves to make the time and put in the effort to do the things that give us a sense of fulfillment?

How do we keep our passions from disappearing when our life changes?

Do You Want Something In Your Life To Change? Then, Change It!

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Sometimes, when you aren’t looking, everything just seems to fall into place. All of a sudden, things seem to make sense again. How? Where? When? What happened when you weren’t paying attention?

Life works like that. Struggles happen and we wonder why is this happening to us. We don’t understand when everything will come together and we can look back and really understand why certain things happened the way they did. In the process, we sometimes have a hard time remembering who we are as well.

Everything is a step to something else. I find it easier to accept the things that are difficult if I can believe that it will help me move toward something better.

I also find it easier to deal with these times of struggle when I’m actively trying to do something to change my situation. It’s so easy to fall into the mode of “nothing is ever going to change” or “nothing is ever going to get better” and then sit around and hope something will make you feel better about your life. It doesn’t work that way. If you’re lucky, some opportunity will fall into your lap. But most of us have to work for it.

If you find yourself in a spot where you want things to get better or be different than what they are, find a way to change them. Step out of your box and towards something new. Be an active participant in the changed you want to see in your life. I know you’re thinking “well, easier said than done”. Actually, I’ve tried to change my life and I’ve seen plenty of people who also have made an effort to change theirs. And, all of a sudden, I find myself in a whole new place than I was before. Things look better than they did before. Opportunities arise that you would have never expected.

Give yourself a chance to really find what you’re looking for in life. Even if you don’t have a clear picture of what would make you happier, try to find something small that you know would make your day better than it was. Every time you take a step forward, you’re creating change in your life.

Eventually, you will look around and realize that everything is right where it’s supposed to be.

Marriage Is No Joke…But It Should Still Be Fun

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Who says that marriage has to become boring or redundant after some time? As my cousin once said “It’s like having a slumber party every day.”

Now, let’s get something straight. Marriage isn’t easy. Relationships in general aren’t. They take work, compromise, and really learning how to take into consideration someone else’s needs and wants, their happiness. Entering a marriage should take some thought. Obviously, there is no way that we could ever know if something is going to work out one way or another. Knowing if something is right for you, if someone is right for you is a learning process.

Someone once asked me about my relationship and what I think is the most important thing about it. I told that person that in my opinion, in my life, the answer would be friendship. I think that being friends is the most important thing that holds my relationship together.

If you think about it, your friends are the people that know you best, that you know will understand you beyond anything, and that you can be silly with and not worry about what they think after. So why wouldn’t you want that in a relationship?

All my life, I’ve been operating under the labels of geek, nerd, dork. I’ve been known to have a very corny sense of humor that if you’re way too cool for me, you won’t understand. But, for once, I have found someone who matches those personality aspects on every level. And we laugh a lot while being ourselves.

Being able to experience life with someone who really can enjoy the same things beyond a basic interest level is an amazing feeling. Having common interests is great but it’s really the little underlying things that make it fun to be in the relationship.

Yes, relationships take work. They require time and effort. But, if you can enjoy it, then hopefully, it doesn’t seem like it takes as much work as you would imagine. If you find yourself complaining about the relationship more than just having fun, then my guess is there is something that needs to be examined. And I know I have spoken about this before but the idea of your significant other being a drag just doesn’t make sense to me. We aren’t in an era when we are with someone out of duty. Most of us are in it out of love. So then, why wouldn’t being with someone you love be fun?

So, before you get married, figure out if you’re having a good time. Because, as long as you’re laughing together, marriage will be okay.

Who wants to play the victim?

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I want you to be really honest with yourself. How many times have you played the victim on something just to get attention or empathy? 

I think most of us do from time to time, especially when we don’t feel like we get the acknowledgment for our efforts. We shout out the things we do. We play up how bad we feel about something. On any given day, these are things that we might not say or do but today, something made us feel like no one was paying attention to the effort we put into life, our jobs, our relationships. 

Playing the victim isn’t something that has to be extreme. It could be as simple as saying “I had so much to do today”. Translation: “My life is busier than yours so please appreciate that I made the time to see/talk/listen to you.” I know that this isn’t always the case. Sometimes, saying that you had a lot to do today is really just that. You had a lot to do today. But sometimes, maybe it’s not the case. Maybe it’s really a way to seek some acknowledgement for your effort in whatever it is you’re doing. 

Think about it this way as well. There is one day where you get to go do something you’ve always wanted to do and you’re really excited. There is another day where you have to fulfill some obligation that isn’t the top of your priority list. What are the chances the same exact cold will make you feel worse the day you have to do something you don’t want to do whereas you’ll survive fine the day you get to do something fun?

Another way I’ve watched people play the victim (or done it myself) is where they silently martyr through something they don’t want to do so they can resent someone for having to do it and then later, throw it back at them. That sounds healthy, doesn’t it? Especially when you add in years of being friends or living together. I see this a lot in marriages in our Indian culture. Why be unhappy when we can find a way to make ourselves happy? Maybe we should one day explore that idea of it’s easier to be unhappy than to be happy. But we’ll save that for another day.  

And then comes the day where playing the victim doesn’t sound like much fun. There are 2 ways to get attention: play the victim or just be interesting while living your own life. That’s when I decide that I’d rather find a way to be happy in my own life and not worry about attention at all. There have been a few months recently where playing the victim was all I could do. Then, recently, I decided that this way wasn’t going to work for me. I am now working on ways to enjoy myself regardless of everyone else. 

This doesn’t mean I don’t fall back into a pattern that I’ve seen so much throughout my life. I do. But awareness is the first step to solving a problem. And one of the goals of life is to be happy throughout the journey as well as at the destination. So I will take that first step.