Tag: good

Friendships Come and Go: Just Make Sure the Good Ones Stay

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I had a dream last night about a bunch of people I had made friends with in college. It was interesting because I haven’t spoken to those people in years. I have no idea why they appeared in my dreams but it did bring up old memories even within my dreams. It reminded me of why I left that school to join another school back in my home city.

They say blood is thicker than water but when your parents have migrated from a different country, that means that it’s possible that your family might not have ended up in the same place you have. It also means that you have to surround yourself with people that will become your family even if they aren’t related.

I’ve spoken about this in a previous post regarding the people I’ve grown up with. Now I want to talk about it with regards to those people we meet along the way.

When we enter new situations, we have to find people who make us feel at home. We have to find like-minded people who we can depend on, who we can trust, who we grow with. Sometimes, this doesn’t happen.  In those cases, we have to walk away. We can’t put ourselves in a spot where we feel bad about ourselves.

Situations come and go so what we need out of friends change. But no matter what the situation, we should feel like we can really depend on those people that are there at the time. But when we can’t find those people, it makes it hard for us to really thrive in that situation.

The only thing we can do then is change our situation so that we can find those people. As independent as we want to be, we need people that love us around us. For whatever reason, that’s not always possible. It is our job to try to find those people and keep them around us. It’s our job to appreciate them and make sure that we do our best to make sure the friendship lasts. Good people are hard to find and when we do, we shouldn’t take it for granted.

Don’t Let What Anyone Else Says Hold You Back

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Due to a variety of experiences I had in my 20s, I got to a point where I believed I wasn’t lovable, I wasn’t good enough at choreography and dance, I wasn’t perfect looking, I wasn’t thin enough, I wasn’t the “ideal” anything. To be honest, I shouldn’t have let anyone make me feel like I wasn’t good enough. But it happened. 

It’s a hard thing to take when you feel as though the people who have seen you work hard day in and day out don’t believe in you. Being a second option or even worse, a last option makes you feel like you’re not worth anything. 

I felt like this until I decided to make my own path. I started working on projects with people that did believe in me. I walked away from situations that didn’t appreciate my hard work. I don’t know if those people ever realized how they made me feel but it was not a good place for me to be. 

I realized after I walked away that I was quite good at a few things when I had my freedom to really follow my passions. It was then I realized that I shouldn’t have let what anyone else said make me feel less than I really was. I wasn’t. I know that now. 

Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you are worth less than you are. If you believe that you are good at something and you work hard at it, then it’s worth it. You’re worth it. 

Taking On Too Much Responsibility

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Being a good Indian kid means that you’re responsible for everything, right? If the family needs something, you’re the one who will handle it. If your friends needs something, you’re the one who goes out of their way. If your work needs something, well, we’ll live at the office, right?

Hold on. This life sounds stressful and very unfulfilling. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to help others out. I think it’s a great thing. But what if it gets to the point where it’s just unrealistic? What if it gets to the point where you resent the people asking you for things and don’t even want to talk to them anymore?

What if it gets to the point where you don’t recognize yourself and you don’t know how to make yourself happy anymore?

I think there are a lot of people who take on too much responsibility. We sit there and try to do things because we feel like we should. We feel guilty putting ourselves and our health first. We need to learn to let things go and let others take care of themselves.

I used to get stressed out because a friend of mine had a lot of problems with his own family. I used to take that stress onto myself and try to find a solution to help him. The end result would be that nothing would change because he himself didn’t want to change anything. I had to learn to step away from that situation. I could be there as a friend and listen and offer my advice but that was it. It was not my responsibility to fix his relationships. It was my responsibility to be a good friend and be there when he needed me.

It’s hard to let go sometimes because we feel like we should be helping when someone needs it. But what if they don’t need it? What if they just choose not to do it and that leaves you feeling like you should be taking care of what they are responsible for? My sister just came to me and asked me to take a look at her resume so she can start looking for jobs. I accept that as something I would want to do for her. But if she needs to find a job and expects me to find it for her, then it’s a sign that I need to step away from the situation. It is clearly her responsibility and while I have no problem helping, I do not want to baby her and handle it for her.

This is just one example (and she just asked me to take a look at her resume; she wouldn’t ask me to find her a job) but I see similar occurrences in different places.

We need to learn where our responsibility and willingness to help starts and stops. Otherwise, we’ll drive ourselves crazy. Who would we be able to help then?

Be Present In The Present

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I turned 38 this past week. It’s not a huge milestone but 37 was a little bit rough on me so I’m glad to have this chance for things to move forward. I’m hoping that I can do a completely reset so that I have a chance to enjoy everything I have and not keeping worrying about the things that aren’t in my control.

It’s so hard not to look into the future and just be in the present. Anxiety, stress, panic attacks. These are all things that affect the way we live and contribute to our overall health and well-being. As soon as I take care of one task, my mind starts worrying about the next thing that needs to be done. There’s never a moment off, a moment to relax.

It’s my fault. I put this on myself even when I don’t need to. How do people manage stress in their daily lives? How do you not let the every day affect you in a negative way? How do you find a way to trust that everything will always work out?

There are people in this world that seem to always be able to go with the flow. They are able to quiet their minds and breathe and be here. They seem to find beauty in everything around us. They seem to be able to not stress or worry about the things that are currently happening elsewhere.

I think a part of the problem is that we are always looking at our phones and trying to see what is going on everywhere else. I think that we have started to do it so automatically that we don’t even notice that we are doing it anymore. It might be time to put my screen down and force myself to be in the moment. It might be time to not have to rely on my screen for entertainment. It might be time to be able to look up and really see what is happening in the world around us.

I think it takes an active effort to stop looking towards the future and really try to find the things here and now that bring us joy. Find the things that really make us feel good here. Find the things that inspire you to bring out the best you.

Taking the Risk

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Have you ever had something that terrified you beyond belief but it’s something that would not leave your mind? Maybe it’s your mind and guts’ way of telling you that it needs to happen no matter how much it goes against logic. I’ve learned to trust my gut over the years but in reality, I’m still terrified whenever I make a big decision, especially since I know that the effects are way beyond me. 

Everything is a risk. Life is a risk. The only way to know if you can do something is by trying. The worst that can happen is you fail. And as scary as that sounds, it sounds even scarier to me to be in a place where you’re unhappy. 

Amazing things happen when people take risks. Everything innovative in the world was created through a vision and a dream. Knowing that helps when taking risks. Some of the best things that have ever happened to me were born out of leaving a miserable situation. 

I understand familiarity. Usually, that’s the reason I don’t quit things even if it’s for the better. It’s nice to be around consistency and familiarity. It’s nice to know that things are good. As long as they are good. As soon as they stop being good, there is an issue. That’s when change is needed. 

I wonder how many people actually do take the risk and make the change when needed. Do people tend to stay in their current situations because they are scared or do they take the leap and believe everything will be okay? 

When Things are Good

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I want to take a second to write about appreciation for the good things in life. When things are going well, it’s always good to stop, look around, and realize that this is happiness. Right now, I have nothing to complain about (although I’m sure I could find one if I tried). But overall, it feels like everything is where it should be.

Having gone through a lot in the last 3 years of my life, I’ve learned to appreciate the times where things are calm. Life making sense isn’t something that’s always present. It’s nice when it does.

Appreciation is something that collectively we don’t do often. We take things for granted when they are good and curse out the world when they are bad. I know I have been over the last week while I’ve had some neck and back pain. I still have it but it’s Friday and I feel a little better and I slept enough last night. These are a few things that I’m grateful for today. And I want to make sure that I acknowledge these things while I feel them. Life changes every moment and I want to make sure that if I’m keeping track, that I do so fairly with the positives in my life as well.

Various books and empowerment articles talk about keeping a gratitude list. It’s supposed to help us see the good things even within a rough day. It does work. The hardest part is committing to doing it especially when you have a bad day. It helps though to recognize the good things. It keeps us grounded while pointing out that even though our day has not been the best, there are a few things that we can smile about. I’ve even listed things like eating ice cream and reading a book as positives. Not everyone is lucky enough to even get the opportunity for those things so I want to make sure I fully appreciate them.

Today, I am grateful that everything is where it should be. =)