Positive Gossip

We were catching up with some family over the weekend. One of the topics that came up during this time was about some other relatives and how they have to do some extra work to fix something that they were having trouble with. Later, my husband and I were discussing this between us and he asked me if it seemed like some people have more bad luck than others.

Here’s my question: Maybe they did run into some issues but they have also had a lot of good luck. Those people have been doing good and seem to be happy most of the time. So why is it that we get stuck discussing negative things that happen to others? Why does it feel like only bad things happen to them?

Plenty of good things have happened for these relatives. But we did not discuss those things. We focused on the bad things that happened.

That’s because when we talk about others, we tend to look at the negative things. How many times do we bring someone else up in conversation in order to just say what hasn’t happened for them or what bad thing did happen to them? How many times do we talk about how someone has gained weight (in a bad way) or didn’t do something the way we would do it so it’s can’t be as good?

So why is this? Is it because it makes us feel better to put someone down? Is it because we can look at our own life in a more positive way because we aren’t having the same problem they are? Does it make us better human beings because things are going smoother?

Which of us haven’t run into problems? I know there was a time when I had to deal with getting my epilepsy under control. There was a time when I had to get over 2 really bad relationships in a row. There was a time when I had to deal with being unemployed for months after I had gotten my MBA.

Here’s the thing: For every negative thing that happened, there was definitely a positive. I learned things, I gained things, I moved forward.

So I hope that, if people did talk about me, it wasn’t to feel sorry for me but to realize that I did have positive things happening even, if at the moment, it didn’t seem like it.

I know it’s not realistic to not talk about other people. We all do it. If we are going to do it though, let’s try to make it more positive.

Change How It Is

Are you the best person you can be? I’m not. I’m not nice to everyone, I don’t respect everyone, and I probably don’t even like everyone. What is it with us? Why is it so hard for us to appreciate the differences that everyone has and celebrate them instead of judging them and putting them down? 

I don’t know what the root cause of this is. Is it so that we feel better if we put someone else down? I’m sure there is a pattern to be found in who you treat how and why. I know that we don’t always click with everyone so it’s hard to build a relationship with them but that doesn’t give us the right to talk badly about them. 

I know a lot of us gossip. We talk about people we don’t like behind their backs. I don’t think we do this with the same nature as if it was our friends. We give our friends more credit. We try to understand them. We allow for their mistakes. But we don’t do this for everyone in general. Most people do deserve better than what we give them. Most people are just people and things happen and there is usually a reason behind it. 

It’s the lack of appreciation for differences and the insecurities we have about ourselves that really cause a breakdown in communities. Think how amazing the world would be if there was more trust, more understanding, less selfishness. Isn’t that why we even get into a relationship? To share those things with someone else? So is it completely impossible to have this attitude towards the general public? I’m sure most of us have had some bad experiences in the past which definitely give support to not trusting everyone but are we able to let this go and really just focus on the good things that make us better as people? 

I want to be able to see the world as a good place and the people in it as the positive force. It’s time to change my view. 

Do You Follow the Herd?

Most of us are sheep as one of my friend likes to say.  We do what everyone else wants to do whether it’s what we want or not. We do it whether it’s the right thing to do. We do it because if we don’t do it,  we will be judged, or made fun of, or just not as cool. 

I went to a bachelorette party a few years ago. The emails sent to us provided us with instructions on the usual information. One of the things we had to do was book the flight to Las Vegas.  I’m a chicken when it comes to flying even though I will do it if necessary. Vegas, being a 3 hour drive, didn’t seem necessary to me. I’m also stingy (at the time I was unemployed so I was stingier than normal).  So I told the person in charge of planning that I will be driving myself there.  She asked me for weeks if I was sure.  Anyways, so when I finally got there a few hours later than the people who took a plane,  some of those girls told me that if they had known I was driving, they would have come with me. Apparently, the organizer didn’t mention to them I was driving and no one asked. They just assumed everyone was flying. They followed what they were given instructions to do. 

Now I know this isn’t a life or death situation. It doesn’t change the course of history or help our community at all. My point is sometimes it’s just worth challenging what you are being told or what you know. If we don’t raise our hands and ask the question, there is a chance that nobody else will either. 

We all have thoughts. One thing that drives me crazy is when people pretend that they don’t. Something I believe in strongly is that if there are two people or more working on something together, the best product will come out of that partnership because the crap will get questioned,  more ideas will get shared, and only the best stuff will be approved by both. That only works as long as both people share what they are thinking and don’t just agree to everything that one person says.

Trust me.  If you’re thinking something,  there’s a pretty good chance there are others thinking it too.  So speak up. Maybe you will be judged by the masses.  But does that matter? The masses are the people just following what  they were told to do anyways. Maybe you won’t be as cool or people will make fun of you.  I’ve definitely made some decisions in my life that have caused gossip and rumors.  Haven’t we all? 

But maybe,  for once,  you will get what you want instead of what someone else wanted.  Doesn’t that make it worth taking a chance?