“Stuff”

Yesterday, we talked about the way Indian women can be treated by men. Actually, this probably ranges past just Indian women to all women in general. The question that was brought up in the discussion after that post was what about the women that stay in a relationship even though they are strong and independent and have a good support system through their friends and family. Why do these women stay in these relationships where they have to deal with their significant other not treating them in the best way possible? Is it just love?

I think I need to explain my definition of love before I talk about if it’s love or not. I think love is a mutual respect for each other. It’s a friendship. It’s putting someone before yourself and understanding when they need to put themselves before you. It’s being there in the good times and bad. It’s really understanding them.

So, I think that a woman putting up with “stuff” from her significant other is not love. I think there’s something else wrong with that statement too. I think if you are in a really loving mature relationship, you are not “putting up” with your significant other. You are there because you want to be there. You have fun with that person and the relationship affects you in a positive way.

My primary concern would be the dealbreakers. If there are certain things that you cannot accept in a relationship, then that is a dealbreaker. You should not be in a relationship with that person. There are universal dealbreakers such as physical and emotional abuse. Then, there are personal ones that have more to do with your experiences and what you want. Everyone’s personal dealbreakers are different. And we can’t judge someone else based on that. What bothers me might not bother you.

So part of the question was if the man isn’t making an effort to be with the woman in the way she wants, why does she still hang around him? Why hasn’t she moved on? They aren’t together, they aren’t apart.

It’s complicated. We all have our weaknesses. And a lot of times, someone we have loved at one point or another is a weakness. It’s hard to get over them. It’s hard to just move on. We know the relationship is not good for us but we really want that person in our life.

It takes strength. It takes a lot of willpower. It really is about recognizing what is good for you as the woman personally and trying to make it a reality. You can’t look backwards and forwards at the same time. And only by closing that door can we open the opportunity for someone who is a positive influence for us and truly can make us happy.

Today’s Music: Is It Actually Music?

So my post today has nothing to do with culture or any serious life defining moments. It’s really just a rant about music.

I have an issue with today’s music. It could be that I’m old or that the music I used to listen to growing up had so strong an influence on me that I just am biased against the current stuff out on the radio today.

So here’s the thing. If I had know this would be the time of autotune, I would have tried harder to be a singer growing up. Let’s be honest. I can’t sing. I can’t carry a note past my basic voice level. There’s no way that in the era of Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, and Monica that I would have even survived. But today might have been a different story.

I’m sad for the generation that didn’t grow up with listening to great bands like Metallica or defining rappers like Tupac Shakur. They didn’t get to actually be able to hear people play music or create beats that have never been done before. The only people I can stand from this new era is Adele. Every other person that I like (Jay-Z, Dr.Dre, etc) is from the time I grew up.

I don’t know how many of you remember the time when underground rap was such a huge influence as well. It might still be going on and I might completely just be out of the loop but I remember the great stuff coming through the 80s and just disappearing by the end of the first decade of the 2000s.

Is it me or do all the radio stations play the same type of music now? I could swear that Power 106 used to be hip hop, 92.3 the Beat used to be R&B, Kiis 102.7 used to be r&b plus top 40, and KROQ used to be rock. I’m not sure anymore. I think that a lot of music has blended so much today that I’m not ever quite sure which station I’m listening to (when I’m actually listening to the radio). So much for variety.

I can’t stand listening to the radio anymore. I stick to my classics (I can’t believe that I’m old enough to call Whitney Houston a classic) and my Hindi music (which the number of good songs are also starting to slide). Again, I know I might be completely biased and maybe there is a ton of great music out there that’s just not in the mainstream and therefore, not reaching me. I’m just saying that I rarely hear something that makes me play it on repeat anymore. Please don’t tell me that Drake is going to change the face of music.

This post is dedicated to the children of the 80s who grew up listening to some of the greats in the music industry.