Tag: kids

Last Priority

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The hardest thing about being a mom is that you’re last. For example, I’m sitting here typing out this post at 9:30 pm after my kids are asleep. If I want to do this for myself, it happens when I can find time in between everything else that takes priority.

I don’t think I knew what sacrifice meant until I had kids. Sure, I had to compromise with my significant other. I had to figure out how to live with other people. But I never had to put what I wanted absolutely last.

It takes a lot out of you. Physically, mentally, emotionally. If you’re lucky, you get time to eat and shower (and go to the bathroom by yourself). If you’re lucky, you get an hour to yourself at least once a day. If you’re lucky, you get to take a night off.

Kids are amazing. Watching them grow is crazy. One day, they are babies and the next, they are actual people.

But it’s tiring. Kids don’t have a clock. They need you when they need you and they want you when they want you. You can’t hide or ask them to wait. (Trust me, I’ve tried.) And if you do ask them to wait, they hang off of your legs and “Mom, Mom, Mom”. Or they throw the longest, loudest tantrum known to mankind.

I’m late posting this today because we had a bunch of kid stuff to do first. It sits on my mind that I want to post on my blog every day but I have to wait to find time to do it. It isn’t a priority by any means.

I love hanging out with my kids. It can be so much fun. I just wish I could take a sick day every now and then.

It’s 2018!

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Happy new year! New year tends to be a time where we look back at our lives and try to figure out where we can be better and what we can improve on.

I usually don’t do new year’s resolutions because I have the mindset that if I want to do something, why wait for the new year? But this time around, it all coincided and there are promises I want to make to myself. There are things I want to try to accomplish because honestly, so much of what I want to do gets put on the back burner because my priorities are always my kids and my husband. I want to be able to manage my life in a way where I can do it all.

So here it goes:

  1. Go to sleep earlier. This one is hard because my kids don’t go to sleep super early and then the only time to myself and with my husband is after they do fall asleep. As a result, we tend to sleep later than we should. I wanted to try sleeping earlier and maybe we can wake up earlier.
  2. Continue with my weight loss goals. I’m still in the process of losing my baby weight and I’ve been doing good. I just need to keep it going.
  3. Make a success out of our new family business. We recently started teaching dance classes and want to grow it as much as we can this year.
  4. Get my blogging consistent. I know I’ve said this before and I’ll be good for a week but then life happens and it’s hard. Even now, I’m typing with my baby in hand trying to grab at the computer.

Overall, I want to spend more time being with people and not distracted when I’m spending time with them. I also want to be able to figure myself out again.

I tend to have unrealistically high expectations of myself and my life. Hopefully, I can make some of them come true.

What are your resolutions?

Am I A Bad Mom?

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Today, I yelled at my kid.

Let me be completely honest.

Today, I have constantly been yelling at my kid and considering the day isn’t over yet, I’ll probably be yelling at her a few more times.

I tried having patience. I honestly tried to dance it out and be silly with my child. I love her a lot and can be so proud of her a lot of the time. She amazes me in so many ways and is a really great kid.

But, man, can she push my buttons! It’s like she knows exactly what to do and what to say that will really push me until I do get mad.

I don’t want to be the uptight, angry mom. I want to be the fun-loving laid-back mom. But I can’t seem to find a way to be consistent with my kids. No matter what my intentions are, I feel as if I’m going to lose by the end of the day. And then, I feel terrible. I feel like I must be the worst mom in the world. Who gets angry at their kids all the time?

I only feel like myself again after I either exercise or sleep. I do those as much as I can but the breaks don’t come often enough. There are some days I just want to give up altogether. It’s draining constantly trying to make a toddler and an infant understand that I’m saying “no” to them for their own safety.

I feel like I used to be a patient person….until I had kids.

I hope that this is something that I can improve on. I’m hoping that both the kids and myself will grow and it’ll help our relationship. I hope that I can prove to be a better parent to my kids.

All I know is that I will keep trying to be the mom my kids really deserve.

Who We Are Today

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Over the last few years, I haven’t written as much in this blog as I’d like to. If I’m honest, it’s probably because most of the exposure I have to the outside world is limited to my family and sometimes, I don’t want to write about the things I feel within that limitation. My original intent for this blog was to discuss things that South Asians don’t have a tendency to discuss. I’d like to try to continue that and make more of a commitment to writing regularly again.

Being surrounded by my kids most of the day means that most of my experiences are child-oriented right now. I am not the stay-at-home mom that is able to do all sorts of arts and crafts and bake and teach my children all sorts of lessons (with unending patience, I might add). I wish I was because that would give me a ton of inspiration in what I write about.

I loved writing but it’s taken a quite a back seat to the rest of my life. It scares me sometimes that I’m not experiencing the outside world the way I used to. My world view has narrowed (other than what I read in the news). So now I need to figure out what I should write about. What are things about parenthood that need to be discussed? What can I write about where the discussion can help improve and influence the lives of other South Asian people? How do I translate this new life of mine into a conversation?

This blog was started for a reason and with a purpose. I don’t want to lose that. That means I have to adapt to the change. I have to find times and ways to continue writing with a purpose.

There are always things to talk about. So let’s talk about them.

What About Your Friends? (Throwback to TLC)

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There are some days that it really hits that I don’t have that many friends. I definitely have a few good friends but I’m not getting 800 invites per weekend to do things. People aren’t throwing parties in my honor, I’m not getting a ton of texts a day, and my weekends aren’t crammed with random events.

To be fair, having kids also limits your social life a little bit but I don’t want to blame them since this has spilled over from my life pre-kids.

My friends have now evolved into people who will come running any time of the day if I need them, people who will be there to the best of their ability between their busy lives, people who I can be completely open to about what I feel and think.

And while I love that I do have some really good friends, sometimes, it does hit me that I’m never going to be the popular girl.

I guess I never was. From the second I was in school, I have never been the center of anyone’s crowd. I’ve never been the person that everyone needed at a party. I’m not the person that would up anyone’s social standing (if there is still such a thing). Even my “groups” from college or different dance teams have moved in a different direction. And while I was there though, I was always on the periphery. I was the one person who was good friends with one of the people in the group which is how I was a part of it.

Honestly, I suck at making small talk with people. And to be completely blunt, sometimes, I’d rather be home with a good book or watching tv than be in a social setting full of people I don’t know.

For example, a few years ago I went to a party without my kid for the first time since becoming a mom. I was so excited to be able to be in the party scene again. But when I was there, I spent all my time hanging out with a good friend who I still saw on a monthly basis and talked to all the time anyways. I did small talk with a bunch of other people who I knew but wasn’t really friends with and then just hung out with the person I was most comfortable with and liked being around. It made me wonder what the point was of being at this party.

Recently, I watched someone who has a lot of friends at their social events. I kept trying to figure out if she was just more extroverted than I or maybe nicer than I am. Maybe she is just easy-going enough to be able to accumulate a lot more friends. Maybe she just has more time since she isn’t raising 2 smalls kids. (Although again, I don’t think that is a fair assessment because these personality traits of mine were there before I had kids.)

I also started wondering if sometimes, people just hang out with each other so they have “friends”. Do some of them in the group really even like each other? Or do they just tolerate it because it’s their group?

I don’t really have a conclusion to this. All I know is that this is where I am in life. At this point, I don’t really expect it to change. Maybe between the time I was a teenager to my 20s. Or my 20s to my 30s. But now, on the downside to 40, I doubt that I can change this part of my personality. I don’t even know if I’d want to. I’ve made the effort this far in my life and maybe it’s time for me to just be.

This might just be who I am.

Facing The Way You Feel

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Analyzing yourself is hard. Really looking inward and trying to understand why you are the way you are and feel the way you feel is hard.

I’ve looked head on into my feelings a few times before but it usually happened during a breakdown after years of suppressing them. I would get to this point where I would just explode because I had tried to be so strong while ignoring the way I felt. It’d be a lot to clean up after because after my real feelings came through, all that was left of myself was a broken down mess.

I realized after I had done this a few times about a few major parts of my life that I needed to find a better way to deal with everything. It’s so easy to fall into complacency and build this strong shield around yourself to function on a daily basis.

Recently, I have started feeling like if I don’t maintain that shield, I will break down again. This time is different because I’m mostly just struggling with parenting my kids. I love them and I know that this is what I need to be doing right now but sometimes, it’s just so hard. I also know that this part of my life will just take some time to even out.

I also know that if I really try to look inwards, it’s going to be somewhat of a mess in there. So for now, I try to find ways to cope and survive. I find the small joys in my days and take those for what they are.

I know that I’ll have to address my feelings head on at some point but I don’t think that the time is now for me. It’s partially true that I’m doing this for my kids but it’s also partially true that I’m a little scared to see what’s in there.

I hope your journey into addressing your feelings is more successful and that you are able to find what you really need.

Mental Health

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Mental health. It’s such a big part of our day to day lives but it is the thing we take the least care of. It’s an interesting thought. We will workout, eat right, and go to the doctor to keep our physical bodies healthy but what do we do keep ourselves mentally healthy?

It’s hard to recognize that your mental health is important, especially if you’re Indian. As a society, we don’t acknowledge that our mental health is something that can be positively or negatively affected. We weren’t raised in families where we talked about the way we felt (although I do feel things are changing now).

It is important though. It’s important to talk about and address what we feel and how it affects our lives.

For example, as a stay at home mom, I go through difficult periods due to all of the changes that happen. Just as I finally got used to managing my life as a mom to my first kid and became comfortable with my life, I had a second kid and everything got thrown off again. Now I have to get used to a new norm and balance. I felt like I lost a little part of me when I had my first kid. It just doubles with a second because now there are 2 people who are relying on you for everything. And as much as I love my kids, I also need to find a way to love and feel good about myself. If I am not strong for myself, how can I be strong for my kids?

The first step is always recognizing that you aren’t at a good balance mentally. Then, you can decide on what you need to do to figure yourself out again. Sometimes, it just takes some time and focus on yourself. Sometimes, it requires help from outside.

There is no shame in admitting that you need help with your mental health. If anything, I believe that it makes you a stronger person because you recognize that you do need help.

So be strong. Know yourself.

Mom Funk

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It’s really easy to lose yourself in general. I remember that I was constantly working on improving myself before I got married, before I had kids. Even though I am in a different stage in life now, that hasn’t changed.

Complacency is so easy to fall into no matter where you are in life. I’m pretty sure that I was somewhat complacent when I was in a comfortable job. And every so often, I feel that same feeling as a stay at home mom.

Seeing yourself clearly takes work. And it’s easy for that vision to get blurry when you are always looking at yourself through the lenses of your children.

Your priorities revolve around your kids. When you have some downtime (nap time is a welcomed break), if you’re like me, you are finally eating lunch in front of the tv. As soon as lunch is over though, it’s time to start on your task list. Laundry, dinner, or plenty of other things that are easier done without a child or two hanging onto your arms and legs. All of a sudden, the kids are up and you are back to being Mom.

I was reading an article today and the lady writing it was talking about “Mom Funk”. It struck that that was exactly where I kept falling into. I don’t know if I interpreted it correctly or how to exactly break out of it but the words resonated with how I’ve been feeling.

I have 2 great kids and a great husband and friends and family who are still consistently present in my life. I figure if I still can feel like I’m in a Mom Funk every so often, I can’t possibly be the only one.

So here’s my question to you: For those of you who have visited this land, how did you break out of it? How did you design your life so that you were able to find some personal fulfillment as well as the family fulfillment that you are receiving?

Interest Myself In Me

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I know Facebook skews people’s lives so that their seem more interesting than the day in, day out probably is in reality. I’m aware that everyone can’t possibly have a glamorous life where they travel all the time and achieve major accomplishments every other day. Everyone works on a daily basis in some capacity whether it’s a job or being a stay at home parent. I know as well as the next person there are ups and downs in everything.

So then why do I feel so boring? I know that this is a phase in my life where my focus isn’t on myself. I know that raising my kids is important. I know that even if it feels like nothing, getting through each day with them is a big deal.

Still, I wish I was doing something alongside raising my kids that was more interesting. Maybe it’s more that I need to feed my soul. As corny as that may sound, I need to keep myself more well-rounded to make me happy. It’s still work-life balance. It’s a little bit skewed to work right now since my kids are so young but I need to add more life back in so that I don’t feel one-sided.

I remember, before kids, if I ever felt boring, I would try to find something that made me interesting to myself. Granted, my time is a little more limited now but I want to maintain this practice. I want to feel like I can accomplish things. I want to be able to set goals and know what it feels like to achieve them. It might be harder now but I think it’s important for my own mental and emotional health to try.

What do you do to keep yourself interesting? What are your goals and passions?

Mom Life

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I know I posted regularly for about 2 weeks and then, I stopped posting again. I go through this phase of trying to be productive so I schedule my day and try to keep up with everything. Somewhere between the start and the end of the week, I get tired or sick and everything goes to hell. I lose all momentum in trying to rest and recover and it takes a genuine effort to start becoming productive again.

So many times, I feel like I’m just barely keeping on top of everything. I’m barely getting the laundry done and cooking dinner and cleaning up stuff. I get my kids through each day. My last priority ends up being exercising or blogging or anything with regards to self-care.

I know this is on me (because I could give up watching that last tv show and go to sleep earlier which in turn would give me more energy throughout the day). I’m not sure how to do everything I want while doing everything I need to get done.

It’s difficult to give anything my full attention as well. If I want to blog (like I am doing now), I’m not paying attention to my child. If I want to play with my kids, something else takes a back seat. Nap time is only a temporary break where I feed myself and sit for a moment. And that’s only if both kids nap at once.

Before kids, I always had me time. Sleep was never a priority. So now, everything shifts as me time is a very specially planned segment of my day and I have to put sleep over other things I want to do.

I’m not sure how to feel like I’m on top of everything all the time. No matter what, there is always something to be done.

This blog post feels a bit like I’m rambling on about something with no focus. Welcome to my brain right now.