Tag: negative

Following The Path We Are Meant To

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I had a conversation with a friend of mine after I had finished ranting yesterday. She is this amazing person who has changed her life to really follow her dreams and passions. She has found a way to see things with in a positive light no matter what happens. I messaged her yesterday with the hopes of finding the same type of peace I see in her. 

The discussion was interesting. It was about following the path we are meant to take. It revolved around the fact that we have these expectations that we set up for ourselves and when life doesn’t follow and achieve that expectation, we take it hard. We wonder why things aren’t working. 

I believe I honestly feel this intense struggle inside myself. I find that as soon as I make a decision that I’ve not been wanting to make because it’s a big risk or uncharted territory, I feel relieved. I feel like things make sense even if they are scary. 

Following the path we are meant to take means that we accept what life hands us and find a way to believe it will all turn out well. Acceptance will help us be at peace with our struggles and with ourselves. It will help us find a way to really be happy. 

Changing your thoughts and mindset is a big challenge. I have a tendency towards the negative. It’s something I will struggle with all of my life. It takes a lot of active thinking to really adjust my mind so I see the positive instead. 

But I want to see the world as a beautiful place. So I will learn. 

Preconceived Notions

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I met someone who married someone I knew and she moved to LA to be with her husband. I thought it was possible that I met a new friend. I invited her a few times to hang out and get to know some of my friends (who I’d like to think are pretty cool).

She wasn’t able to make it out any of those times which was fine. But then, I had a conversation with her that really upset me. She basically said that all people in LA are fake and there aren’t like the people where she was from.

First of all, I’d like to believe that not all people in LA are fake. Yes, I think there are a lot of fake people. I think there are a lot of people who try way too hard to impress others. But, I know for a fact that there are genuine, down-to-earth people who really care about others in LA as well.

It disturbed me that she took a bias and held it against the general public that makes up LA. I’m sure that people are different than where she was from. And I know that moving from one place to another, especially when you’re leaving your family and friends behind for the unknown is difficult. I really don’t like generalizations though. Especially negative generalizations. I wish that that girl had taken the time to get to know a few people before she assumed. It’s always possible that she just hadn’t met the people she would click with. LA is a big city. It takes time to figure out who you are in a place like this.

It basically goes back to the saying “Don’t judge a book by its cover”. Don’t judge this city by its stereotype. There are those of us who aren’t fake. There are those of us who really try to be genuine and be honest with people.

Give it a chance. Otherwise, I’d say you will be surrounded by fake people for life.

“Stuff”

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Yesterday, we talked about the way Indian women can be treated by men. Actually, this probably ranges past just Indian women to all women in general. The question that was brought up in the discussion after that post was what about the women that stay in a relationship even though they are strong and independent and have a good support system through their friends and family. Why do these women stay in these relationships where they have to deal with their significant other not treating them in the best way possible? Is it just love?

I think I need to explain my definition of love before I talk about if it’s love or not. I think love is a mutual respect for each other. It’s a friendship. It’s putting someone before yourself and understanding when they need to put themselves before you. It’s being there in the good times and bad. It’s really understanding them.

So, I think that a woman putting up with “stuff” from her significant other is not love. I think there’s something else wrong with that statement too. I think if you are in a really loving mature relationship, you are not “putting up” with your significant other. You are there because you want to be there. You have fun with that person and the relationship affects you in a positive way.

My primary concern would be the dealbreakers. If there are certain things that you cannot accept in a relationship, then that is a dealbreaker. You should not be in a relationship with that person. There are universal dealbreakers such as physical and emotional abuse. Then, there are personal ones that have more to do with your experiences and what you want. Everyone’s personal dealbreakers are different. And we can’t judge someone else based on that. What bothers me might not bother you.

So part of the question was if the man isn’t making an effort to be with the woman in the way she wants, why does she still hang around him? Why hasn’t she moved on? They aren’t together, they aren’t apart.

It’s complicated. We all have our weaknesses. And a lot of times, someone we have loved at one point or another is a weakness. It’s hard to get over them. It’s hard to just move on. We know the relationship is not good for us but we really want that person in our life.

It takes strength. It takes a lot of willpower. It really is about recognizing what is good for you as the woman personally and trying to make it a reality. You can’t look backwards and forwards at the same time. And only by closing that door can we open the opportunity for someone who is a positive influence for us and truly can make us happy.

Be Present In The Present

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I turned 38 this past week. It’s not a huge milestone but 37 was a little bit rough on me so I’m glad to have this chance for things to move forward. I’m hoping that I can do a completely reset so that I have a chance to enjoy everything I have and not keeping worrying about the things that aren’t in my control.

It’s so hard not to look into the future and just be in the present. Anxiety, stress, panic attacks. These are all things that affect the way we live and contribute to our overall health and well-being. As soon as I take care of one task, my mind starts worrying about the next thing that needs to be done. There’s never a moment off, a moment to relax.

It’s my fault. I put this on myself even when I don’t need to. How do people manage stress in their daily lives? How do you not let the every day affect you in a negative way? How do you find a way to trust that everything will always work out?

There are people in this world that seem to always be able to go with the flow. They are able to quiet their minds and breathe and be here. They seem to find beauty in everything around us. They seem to be able to not stress or worry about the things that are currently happening elsewhere.

I think a part of the problem is that we are always looking at our phones and trying to see what is going on everywhere else. I think that we have started to do it so automatically that we don’t even notice that we are doing it anymore. It might be time to put my screen down and force myself to be in the moment. It might be time to not have to rely on my screen for entertainment. It might be time to be able to look up and really see what is happening in the world around us.

I think it takes an active effort to stop looking towards the future and really try to find the things here and now that bring us joy. Find the things that really make us feel good here. Find the things that inspire you to bring out the best you.

Getting Over the Negative (With Some Help from Facebook)

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I decided that I’m going to do the things I avoid doing because I have some weird issue with them. For example, when I’m totally jealous of someone’s trip on Facebook or have had some issue with that person in the past, I’m going to deliberately like the photo or post that I have an issue with. I want to stop reacting the way I do to these things and just start appreciating them for what or who they are.

I’m hoping that this will create positive energy and will eventually result in changing the way I feel about things that have been negative for me in the past. Reacting negatively keeps me down and really doesn’t help me progress in life. Then comes the spiral of negativity that just keeps growing and growing until there is a breakdown. I’m hoping that reacting positively will have the same effect, only with a positive ending.

It’s hard when the obviously negative things keep coming in your face but from what I understand about the Law of Attraction, focusing on the positive will bring good things into your life. It’s a hard cycle to break out of, especially when you’ve been there for so long. Sometimes, a big change is the only way to move on. Things will get better.

Learning how to appreciate other people’s happiness is something I want to be able to do.  I don’t want to look at them and wonder why I’m not in the same place. I wouldn’t want someone else thinking that about me either. It’s definitely going to be a challenge but I’m willing to accept it. I want to believe that good wishes towards someone else will result in good wishes towards me. This might be a completely selfish motivation but it might also help both others and myself to be better people, to be more positive people.

Maybe Facebook isn’t there to show you someone’s real life (as I’ve mentioned in a previous post). Maybe it’s there to show you what’s good about the world, what is there to look forward to, what brings happiness to people. Maybe this is what we need to be reminded of the good that there is in the world so we know that our own struggles don’t define what our lives hold for us. Maybe seeing someone smile will bring a smile to us.

When Change Needs to Happen

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There are times like now where I literally have a hard time moving through the day because something major in my life needs to change. I’ve felt like this twice before. Once in college when I was someplace I didn’t like, studying something I didn’t enjoy. And the second time was at the end of a major relationship that I knew wasn’t going to last. 

Moving on is such a difficult decision to make. Everything you’re familiar with has to change.  Everything you’re comfortable with has to go. And you start feeling that you’re quitting on something you should accomplish. I take an unusually long time in the period of debate just to make sure I’m not making the wrong decision. Something I’ve figured out though is that change is usually for the better. Both times I have made major life decisions, I have come out better and much happier. 

These crossroads are our true tests in life. Some of us have an easier time than others believing we will come out on our feet no matter what. Some of us have a very difficult time giving up what we know for the fear that the unknown will bring us. It is scary to take risks even though we know that they might pay off. In my case, they did. Yet, I’m still terrified of making changes. I’ve seen risks others have taken pay off badly and I think this has affected my core instinct. My practical brain stays in charge even though my emotional brain is freaking out. 

You will know when you are in a negative situation that you need to get out of. The challenge is in actually taking that step. This is where you develop your strength. Knowing that the step is terrifying but taking it anyways will help us realize that we can survive anything. Even with knowing this though, it takes a lot of courage to make the change. Prolonging that change though will only make us feel worse though. 

What is the change that you know you need to make but haven’t made yet?