Tag: relationship

People Pleasers and Jerks

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I realized something important last night. No matter how much you analyze someone, there is no way to figure them out. They are just jerks. And there’s no reason (or maybe there are many reasons) to why they are that way. 

I also want to explain why, in the title, I added people pleasers as well. Well, I think one of the characteristics of someone who turns out to be a jerk is that they are a people pleaser. That’s not to say that all people pleasers are jerks. The ones that are jerks tend to focus on someone they want to impress and use all of their might to please them. The rest of the people in their life get don’t get much effort at all. I always wonder if the people who are the beneficiaries of the people pleasing can see that they are just temporarily the focus of this person’s efforts or if they realize that there isn’t much to that person otherwise. I know I don’t realize it until I become someone who doesn’t get the effort. And then, it just sucks. It sucks to deal with those people because you can remember the friendship you once had and the fact that they don’t respect you or that relationship enough to really put in effort anymore at all. 

I have learned that there is no way to get through to a jerk as well. You can try talking to them, manipulating them, being overly nice to them, yelling at them, and in the end, it’s a wasted effort on your part, no matter what. They will do what they want to do. And usually, it’s to benefit themselves. Luckily, experience helps in figuring out who is a jerk and who isn’t earlier on in the relationship but sometimes, it’s hard to see right away. The fact that it eventually ends up hurting me makes me not even want to trust new people at any point anymore. 

The only solution I have found that works is to walk away from these people. Unfortunately, that’s not always possible due to circumstances such as working together or being on the same team. The best you can hope for at that point is limited contact. Exposure is only more toxic. And why keep fighting for people who no longer even realize you aren’t there anymore? I don’t think they realize that when you fight with them, that means you still care about them some because you’re fighting to fix something that you believe in. When you just stop talking to them, it usually means you have given up and the energy isn’t worth it anymore. 

If you are one of those people that I described here today, try to remember that there is a world full of people out there that you should learn to be considerate around. There are people that care about you that might not be in your field of vision because you take them for granted. Take responsibility for the fact that your actions might be hurting someone even though you don’t think it would hurt. Most people do feel and aren’t just left-brained. Things are not good just because they look right to the outside world. There is usually a lot more to human beings than just that. 

I want to dedicate this post to the people that I can’t remove from my life and cause me anxiety whenever I have to talk to them. 

I’m Over Being Called a Ball and Chain

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A couple of days ago, I walked into a golf shop with my husband. The salesperson he had previously consulted decided to tell me in the first few minutes that we met that my husband was really good at golf and I should let him get out to play more. 

Excuse me? I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that, as the wife, I was responsible for holding him back from doing something he loved. In our relationship, we support each other in our passions rather than hold the other person back. So where does this guy get off telling me to let him play golf more? Why would he make that assumption? And even if he doesn’t believe what he said and was just teasing, it’s still completely insulting. 

This has been going on for ages. You hear one spouse teasing or joking that they have to ask the other spouse for permission to go do something fun. When did relationships become about permission? I thought you entered a 50/50 partnership, not adopted a new parent.

This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t be considerate of your significant other. Yes, there is more joint decision making as a couple. You have to respect each other’s time and plan things together. Fact of life. But blaming (even jokingly) the other person is seriously not cool. 

We’ve grown up with the term “ball and chain”, traditionally referring to the wife. Maybe at one point, it was accurate. But in this day and age, most of us do what we want and we are supported while doing it. So why does this phrase still come up? If someone (husband or wife) is holding you back, then it’s probably best you discuss it with that person. Teasing that person in public or behind their back is disrespectful and really just immature. 

Another idea in connection to this is when people tell you your life is going to end when you get married. If you really think that, don’t get married. And I know people say this as a joke and to be funny but it’s not. The last thing I want to hear is someone teasing my husband that his life ended because he married me. Am I really that bad? Or is marriage? 

I’m over hearing these “jokes”. They aren’t funny. They really are insulting to the idea of marriage. Marriage should be a thing of beauty and love and friendship. So for those of you still referring to your spouse as a ball and chain or marriage as a life-ending event, take it somewhere else because I don’t want to hear it anymore. 

Those Lost Friendships

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People come, people go. I’m fine with it. Until I have a day where I miss those friends that I don’t hang out with anymore.

What is it about certain friendships that makes them so short-lived? There are experiences and memories that makes you so sure that this is a friendship for a lifetime. Yet, within a year, you are hardly speaking to that person. It isn’t always a bad end. Sometimes, it’s as simple as one person moved away or people just grew apart. But it does end. That’s the part that sucks.

There are people that have such a strong impact on your life and yet, remain for such a short time. I do believe that everyone enters and leaves your life for a reason. Every person helps you progress to the next step in your life.

Then, there are those people who, after a certain amount of time, don’t help you move forward anymore. Those are the ones that you have to walk away from. And chances are that if they let you walk away from them, they either feel the same way about you or they weren’t worth hanging around with to begin with. Let me clarify this. Not being worth it does not diminish the quality of the experiences that you have had hanging out with them. Experiences are experiences. They will always help you grow. But sometimes, the person that leads you to them will hold you back.

Letting go is the hardest part. Even now, there are times where I reminisce and wonder how these friendships ended up the way they did. I know I had my reasons for walking away and I’m sure the other person did too but at the same time, we were friends where our lives converged.

There are friendships that last forever and there are ones that are short-lived. How does this happen? How are there people you can continuously grow with and there are people that you can’t even be friends with for a year? It’s interesting to see those friendships that always pick up where they left off even though you don’t always talk and those friendships that end if you don’t talk for a short while. Why do some friendships last and what keeps them together while some end? is it effort or personality or some unique experience?

I wanted to dedicate this post to those friendships that have been lost for whatever reason along the journey of my life. I miss those people all of the time even though we had our reasons for moving on.