Tag: talking

Couples and Communication

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So I’m going to tell you the truth about my new year’s eve. My husband and I had a fight. It sucked. We were both tired and we had been dealing with illnesses traveling around our family for a few weeks. There came a point where stuff we had been thinking about and not saying just all came out. It wasn’t the greatest way to start off a new year but we figured it out.

We try to both be understanding of each other but sometimes, that leads to resentment. Holding stuff in doesn’t really help resolve anything and then, one of us ends up really angry at the other.

The problem with this situation is that constructive communication is something we both had to learn. Putting our ego aside for the benefit of our relationship is something we both had to learn. Talking to each other with the common end goal of moving forward is something we had to learn.

Unfortunately, these aren’t lessons that are readily available in the Indian culture. We don’t know that we need to continuously evolve in ourselves and in our relationships. The end goal is usually to get married. No one explains that you have to keep working on your relationship after the wedding. It’s just assumed that you will stay together regardless of anything else. We are taught that we just need do what we need to do and that’s it.

But that isn’t it. Awareness and improvement are a relatively new concept in the Indian community. Happiness and emotional needs are also new concepts as well. So we have to realize ourselves that we need to be able to look at our lives and analyze it so we can make it better. As a couple, we need to be able to talk to each other and figure out a way to move forward that is beneficial to both people.

Marriage is something that should be fun. Sometimes, there are occasions where it isn’t so much. But as long as we talk and try to understand each other, it should be a short-lived situation. Then, we go back to having fun.

My husband and I sure did.

Depression

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Yes, it’s real. And yes, it can happen to anyone. 

Depression is one of those things that unless you’ve been through it or know someone who has, it’s hard to understand. Someone may look like they have everything but sometimes, it’s not about that at all. Whether it’s based on a chemical imbalance or life circumstances, depression is one of the hardest things to battle. It’s especially difficult because it doesn’t have physical symptoms. It’s hard to see. And it’s really not all that hard to hide. 

I don’t want to discuss the hows and whys someone falls into depression. My bigger concern is how does one get out of depression. 

Have you ever gotten into a fight with someone? And no matter what, that person wouldn’t listen to anything you had to say? Depression is like that. Only you’re fighting yourself. You sit and tell yourself that there is no reason to feel like this, that everything is going well, that you are loved by many. Yet, for whatever reason, it’s hard for you to understand those exact words. It’s hard to feel okay. 

And it’s okay. It’s okay to be depressed. I think the first step to getting past it is to admit that you’re going through it. And I know that that is a really difficult thing to do. I have a hard time admitting it because I don’t want to ever feel like a failure. And being depressed especially when I know things are good or that I’m making moves in the right direction still makes me feel like a failure. 

I’m a big advocate for therapy. I think that that is the next step. 

Another thing that can be done is reaching out to people who will understand. If you know someone or have friends who you know understand these feelings or have training in the mental health field, reach out. It’s hard because when you’re depressed, it is really hard to reach out to anyone. You want to go under a bed and disappear. But getting help is really important to getting out of this state of mind. Knowing you aren’t fighting the battle alone is important. 

Depression. It sucks. But it is possibly to get past it. I have before.