How many of you are open with your friends? I mean, really open and honest.

I’ve been speaking about the trauma I’ve been dealing with a lot lately. I wanted to present another aspect of this.

I realized about two weeks into heavily feeling like I was never going to be happy or okay again that I was going through this alone. It finally occurred to me that when I was going through my last big life change, I had a created a community that I could turn to in these cases. It occurred to me that I hadn’t even tried to tell them about everything going on in my life.

So I finally did. And I don’t mean just tell them. I mean, ugly crying on the phone while I explain how miserable I felt about myself and how it felt like I was never going to be okay again. I must have called and texted everyone in that group a million times in the last month and a half.

Then, I realized that everyone in my community didn’t live near me anymore. Which meant we were reliant on both sets of schedules to even be able to communicate. I decided that I need to expand the people I could be vulnerable with. But who? My original community were people who I’ve known for years and essentially grown up as adults with.

It was time to trust that some of the friends I made in the last few years were strong enough and accepting of my emotional madness. So I laid it all out there in a text to three of them. I told them I wasn’t okay and that I needed support. And they came through. I received calls and invites of just hanging out (which is so much easier to do if you live near each other). We meet up for tea or lunch. We randomly sit and just talk about life. They’re open with me and I, in turn, can be open with them.

It was a risk. I didn’t know if that would work out. For all I know, they might have decided that I was losing it and maybe it was worth just backing off a little bit. It was terrifying being that vulnerable about everything I’ve been through with people whom I’ve essentially known for less than 3 years.

How many of us are willing to take that risk? How many of us hang out with people we claim are our community but never really talk about anything important? How many of us hide what we are really feeling in the name of seeming to be put together?

Why? We all feel. We all have issues. Why can’t we be open with people whom we claim to trust?

I’ll tell you it’s been worth reconnecting with different parts of my community. Not only do I have the women I’ve been relying on for the past 20 years but I also have a few new groups that I can be open about and that show up when I’ve needed them. Even if it’s just to laugh and get away from myself for a minute.

Are you up for being vulnerable with your friends?