I feel like I can’t breathe today. My family was away for a great family reunion. It was the type of thing were we leave our phones wherever and really just hang out in a beautiful vacation spot together. We are talking about generations of families coming together. It was wonderful.
We drove home today. I opened Twitter to check out what’s going on and find out there were 2 shootings in a matter of hours. I read and I read and I read. Honestly, the only reason I keep reading is to see someone that says that they can fix this problem.
“They” aren’t kidding when they say that once you have kids, your hearts are literally walking around outside your body. I promise that this is true. I also can promise that in every public situation I am with my kids, I always try to figure out an escape plan if I need to have one.
To be honest, I don’t do it all the time because all this horror hasn’t hit home for me. I live in a great area and most of the people I meet seem like people who like other people, who like to interact, who seem to be kind at their core. But it’s impossible to know what will happen and where. So I visualize. I try to figure out how to protect my kids in the best way possible.
It’s become so real in some sense now that it’s a constant anxiety for me. How do I protect my kids? How do I give them a life that isn’t filled with tragedy? How do I keep everything normal when it’s not?
My childhood was a good one. I didn’t worry about this stuff. I don’t want to ruin my kids’ innocence but I don’t know if that will be possible in the long run. I hate that I have to think like this. I hate that sending my kids to school gives me anxiety. I hate that I worry about every single activity we are involved in and if we will be at risk.
I can’t breathe. Please make all of this stop.