Tag: achievements

Why We Should Brag About Our Achievements

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Recently, I’ve been wanting recognition for all of the things I do. But I don’t want to advertise that I do them. I just want people to quietly recognize that I’m good at a lot of things. Why? Because as a South Asian Indian woman (and possible just as a woman in general), I’ve been taught that I don’t brag about my achievements. If it’s worth being noticed, people will notice you. However, in a world as chaotic as ours, is that even possible if we don’t advocate for ourselves?

I was out with some girlfriends yesterday for happy hour and talking about how I was feeling. One of them clearly stated that I need to put myself out there and tell them about the cool things I’ve been participating in. My obvious reaction was “Brag about myself?! I couldn’t do that!”

But why not? Another friend of ours told us that her sister wrote this LinkedIn Post that spoke to something very similar.

We see so many people absolutely do this. They post positive things about what’s happening in their lives without abandon. So why are there some of us that will only accept quiet recognition? Why can’t we also shout about our achievements?

When I think about doing this, I feel shame that I’m going to be bragging about what I do, what I’ve accomplished. Like I’m doing something wrong in speaking up for myself or like I’m showing off. It goes all the training I’ve had. I’m not supposed to talk about myself. I’m supposed to quietly do my work and be happy internally. I’m not supposed to want any external validation or share any of my accomplishments. If I do so, I’m a loud, braggy woman. I’m overconfident and talking about myself too much.

So where does that get us? It creates internal resentment that no one notices that I achieve so much. It creates a battle within me of wanting to share but not come off as boastful. It makes me feel invisible. How are people supposed to see me if I keep hiding?

The irony is that my friends yesterday clearly said that they would be proud of the things I shared because they support my endeavors. So I think I’m going to start sharing more.

Because…..why the hell not?

Confidence VS. Ego

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Confidence vs. ego. How can you tell the difference? How do you know when you’re unnecessarily bragging about something as opposed to just knowing and believing that you’re actually good at something?

Now let’s get into how we’ve been raised as South Asian Indian American women. Traditionally, we aren’t meant to be loud. We are supposed to be humble about our achievements. We aren’t supposed to be more successful than the man in our life. Our primary job is to handle our children and take care of our home.

If we’re lucky, we have been raised in families that support our achievements even if they go against the grain. There is no judgment about earning more or being a leader. Yet, somehow, a lot of us have still embodied these traditional stereotypes into our core.

When are we allowed to be proud of what we achieved? Is it bragging if we talk about the special experiences we’ve had or the honors we’ve received? We have to attribute those things to luck when, in reality, it’s years of hard work that have gotten us to where we are. Who are we protecting by not being self-confident?

I find that I personally tend to downplay the things I’ve done. Even if those around me around talking about their achievements, I’ll just smile and listen. Lately though, I’ve gotten tired of sitting in the dark. I’ve done some pretty cool things and I’m proud of them. So why should I hide? Why should I not let the confidence in myself shine through?

Part of is imposter syndrome for sure. For some reason, I’ve never believed I was good enough. Now though with age and time, I’ve started wondering that if I wasn’t good enough, would I have been able to accomplish all that I have? It all starts with the idea that we are successful through the effort and dedication we put into our work. There is nothing about us that is not good enough.

It’s important as women that we support each other. It’s also important as women that we support ourselves. We don’t need to put ourselves down in order to compliment someone else. There’s enough room in this world for an unlimited number of confident women.

So next time you feel like you need to compare yourself unfavorably to make someone else feel good or that you have to hold back from discussing your accomplishments in order to not seem like you have a big ego, remember that everything you’ve achieved, you’ve worked hard to earn it. Be confident about that.

Accomplish Something?

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I’ve probably written about this before but it’s a topic I’m going to revisit because I have been thinking about it lately.

I think I’ve always been the type of person who validates myself through my accomplishments. I know I’m worth something but it’s hard to get my heart to agree to that.

Now, as a stay-at-home mom, what do you judge yourself by? Getting your laundry done? Feeding your family? Making sure everything is done on time? Honestly, I’m not sure. They don’t seem like big goals to achieve (although, sometimes, it is a lot to get done). They don’t even seem like important goals to achieve even though your family’s life does depend on it. It’s probably worth more than I’m assigning importance to.

I do realize that I should probably figure out a way to accept myself as is. I’m not sure how to do that though. I like striving for things. It helps me feel like I’m improving myself and achieving something. Otherwise, I’m just standing still.

Being still is really difficult. Being still gives me too much time to criticize myself on what I am unable to do. Being still makes me think I’m worthless.

How do you get to a place where you feel valuable? It’s not a quantifiable measure. It’s completely internal. I don’t want to reflect my value off of other people because I went through my 20s doing that and it really sucked.

Maybe it’ll take until my 40s to really be able to validate myself by who I truly am. Maybe I’ll be able to see my worth based on me and not my accomplishments. Maybe it’ll get easier to see myself.