I’ve probably written about this before but it’s a topic I’m going to revisit because I have been thinking about it lately.
I think I’ve always been the type of person who validates myself through my accomplishments. I know I’m worth something but it’s hard to get my heart to agree to that.
Now, as a stay-at-home mom, what do you judge yourself by? Getting your laundry done? Feeding your family? Making sure everything is done on time? Honestly, I’m not sure. They don’t seem like big goals to achieve (although, sometimes, it is a lot to get done). They don’t even seem like important goals to achieve even though your family’s life does depend on it. It’s probably worth more than I’m assigning importance to.
I do realize that I should probably figure out a way to accept myself as is. I’m not sure how to do that though. I like striving for things. It helps me feel like I’m improving myself and achieving something. Otherwise, I’m just standing still.
Being still is really difficult. Being still gives me too much time to criticize myself on what I am unable to do. Being still makes me think I’m worthless.
How do you get to a place where you feel valuable? It’s not a quantifiable measure. It’s completely internal. I don’t want to reflect my value off of other people because I went through my 20s doing that and it really sucked.
Maybe it’ll take until my 40s to really be able to validate myself by who I truly am. Maybe I’ll be able to see my worth based on me and not my accomplishments. Maybe it’ll get easier to see myself.
Who We Are Today 
Been there friend!
Couldn’t even work out to get through the misery. Didn’t have friends and didn’t have a social circle. Just at home being mom, looking after kids and cleaning!
House work and chores will last until your last breath. They are not what make you or define you. They are a “necessity” one must do and live with but that’s all they are. You definitely have every right to want more. Because you have kids now doesn’t mean all you are is a mother. You are still you. You still need to feed what drives you. Don’t give into being mom or house maker 100% of the time because you will lose your essence then. It’s okay to want to have some time to yourself. You will actually be a better parent for it.
Find small niches of time to do the things you enjoy even if it means painting your nails. Don’t let those things go. If it’s listening to music to choreograph something, do it! I took a long time to realize this and went through depression dealing with it. I would be happy to chat with you if you feel like it. Hugs xoxo
I agree! I’m trying my best to do just that (including writing this blog).
My kids would not sleep alone. I sat in bed with them to put them to sleep and that could take upto 2 hours. I would bring my computer in with me and recharge myself looking for design ideas, listening to music etc etc. Shailee you are a fabulous mother! I yell at my kids too and every parent does. It does not make you a terrible parent. If it’s any help visit this FB page – https://www.facebook.com/groups/visiblechild/
The biggest thing I learnt from that group was kids are having a hard time dealing with things themselves. If we think about what could be upsetting them to act a certain way it becomes easier to handle instead of thinking why are they doing this.
I have a hard time feeling successful with treadmill type goals. The laundry and cleaning are never ending and keep needing to get done. I like tasks that have clear beginning and end.
Definitely. I don’t like validating myself through housework anyways. (To be honest, I suck at it.)