Tag: worth

Accomplish Something?

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I’ve probably written about this before but it’s a topic I’m going to revisit because I have been thinking about it lately.

I think I’ve always been the type of person who validates myself through my accomplishments. I know I’m worth something but it’s hard to get my heart to agree to that.

Now, as a stay-at-home mom, what do you judge yourself by? Getting your laundry done? Feeding your family? Making sure everything is done on time? Honestly, I’m not sure. They don’t seem like big goals to achieve (although, sometimes, it is a lot to get done). They don’t even seem like important goals to achieve even though your family’s life does depend on it. It’s probably worth more than I’m assigning importance to.

I do realize that I should probably figure out a way to accept myself as is. I’m not sure how to do that though. I like striving for things. It helps me feel like I’m improving myself and achieving something. Otherwise, I’m just standing still.

Being still is really difficult. Being still gives me too much time to criticize myself on what I am unable to do. Being still makes me think I’m worthless.

How do you get to a place where you feel valuable? It’s not a quantifiable measure. It’s completely internal. I don’t want to reflect my value off of other people because I went through my 20s doing that and it really sucked.

Maybe it’ll take until my 40s to really be able to validate myself by who I truly am. Maybe I’ll be able to see my worth based on me and not my accomplishments. Maybe it’ll get easier to see myself.

I Was Invisible

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I was invisible. I was invisible to the people I hung around. I was invisible at work. I was invisible to the dance groups I was in. Nothing I did was good enough. Nothing I did was special enough. Nothing I did was worth noticing.

I didn’t exist. I truly and honestly didn’t exist. I spent every single day, trying to find myself, to see myself. I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to become visible. I was doing everything right (at least I thought). I was in a relationship, I went out partying with people, I was in one of the more popular dance groups in the city, I was always on top of my stuff at work. I did whatever I could to make my life complete. I tried to feel fulfilled. But I couldn’t. It was never enough. Whatever I did wasn’t enough. I was still invisible.

Why couldn’t people see me? I look at my journals back then and see pages and pages filled up of misery and demands for attention. I see pages of self-loathing and pain. I sit and wonder if there ever was any happiness. Or was the happiness all just an act for the benefit of the world around me? How did I survive that way for almost an entire decade? How was did I allow myself to feel that bad?

And whose fault was it? Was it mine for expecting that people should see me? What is theirs for not opening their eyes enough to be able to see me? Was it my significant other’s job to see me or was it mine to make him see me? Was I not worth seeing? Should I have done something differently? Should I have looked at myself differently? Was it because I questioned if I deserved anything better? Was it because I blamed myself for being invisible, as if I didn’t matter?

I read and re-read these pages to make myself remember how far I have come. I do believe I am visible now but it took a lot for me to see myself at first. I had to see who I was instead of trying to see who I wanted to be. I was never going to be someone I wasn’t and maybe that’s why I never showed up on anyone’s radar. Once I accepted I was who I am, I started showing up slowly. Day by day, month by month, year by year, I saw myself more clearly.

And now, I can not only see myself but I know others see me. I know that I have some value. It took a long time to get here and sometimes, I do feel as if I disappear again. And then, the search begins again to find myself.

If you feel invisible, just remember that the first person who can find you is you. Once you are visible to yourself, you will become visible to other people. It will always be work to see yourself clearly. You will change. Your visibility will change. But once you do find yourself again, it will be easier not to feel so invisible.

Having Courage In The Face of Uncertainty

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It’s one of the hardest things to do. When you know something has the possibility of going wrong or bad and yet, you still try to make that thing happen. It’s scary. It’s hard to walk into that situation and know that things might not work out the way you want them to. It takes serious courage.

There are many risks we take in life. Risks that could cause us serious disappointment or pain. Yet, we take these risks anyways. Why?

Is it because we know if we can finally get what we want, we’ll be happier for it? What makes us put ourselves in a position to get hurt?

I see people do it all the time and I really admire and respect them. I think that they are some of the bravest people I know. The funny thing is that they don’t always realize what they are doing or how inspiring they are. They are just living their lives and doing what they need to do to be happy. But I watch them go against tradition, against what’s expected, just so that they live their lives the way they want to.

We never know what the plan is for us in life. We might breeze through with everything handed to us. We might have a lot of struggles and still come out good in the end. We can only follow the path that is in front of us. Sometimes, if something doesn’t make sense, it’s because we are meant to go in a different direction that we are unaware of.

Taking a risk is scary but hopefully, the rewards for taking it are well worth it.

Don’t Let What Anyone Else Says Hold You Back

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Due to a variety of experiences I had in my 20s, I got to a point where I believed I wasn’t lovable, I wasn’t good enough at choreography and dance, I wasn’t perfect looking, I wasn’t thin enough, I wasn’t the “ideal” anything. To be honest, I shouldn’t have let anyone make me feel like I wasn’t good enough. But it happened. 

It’s a hard thing to take when you feel as though the people who have seen you work hard day in and day out don’t believe in you. Being a second option or even worse, a last option makes you feel like you’re not worth anything. 

I felt like this until I decided to make my own path. I started working on projects with people that did believe in me. I walked away from situations that didn’t appreciate my hard work. I don’t know if those people ever realized how they made me feel but it was not a good place for me to be. 

I realized after I walked away that I was quite good at a few things when I had my freedom to really follow my passions. It was then I realized that I shouldn’t have let what anyone else said make me feel less than I really was. I wasn’t. I know that now. 

Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you are worth less than you are. If you believe that you are good at something and you work hard at it, then it’s worth it. You’re worth it. 

Do You Follow the Herd?

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Most of us are sheep as one of my friend likes to say.  We do what everyone else wants to do whether it’s what we want or not. We do it whether it’s the right thing to do. We do it because if we don’t do it,  we will be judged, or made fun of, or just not as cool. 

I went to a bachelorette party a few years ago. The emails sent to us provided us with instructions on the usual information. One of the things we had to do was book the flight to Las Vegas.  I’m a chicken when it comes to flying even though I will do it if necessary. Vegas, being a 3 hour drive, didn’t seem necessary to me. I’m also stingy (at the time I was unemployed so I was stingier than normal).  So I told the person in charge of planning that I will be driving myself there.  She asked me for weeks if I was sure.  Anyways, so when I finally got there a few hours later than the people who took a plane,  some of those girls told me that if they had known I was driving, they would have come with me. Apparently, the organizer didn’t mention to them I was driving and no one asked. They just assumed everyone was flying. They followed what they were given instructions to do. 

Now I know this isn’t a life or death situation. It doesn’t change the course of history or help our community at all. My point is sometimes it’s just worth challenging what you are being told or what you know. If we don’t raise our hands and ask the question, there is a chance that nobody else will either. 

We all have thoughts. One thing that drives me crazy is when people pretend that they don’t. Something I believe in strongly is that if there are two people or more working on something together, the best product will come out of that partnership because the crap will get questioned,  more ideas will get shared, and only the best stuff will be approved by both. That only works as long as both people share what they are thinking and don’t just agree to everything that one person says.

Trust me.  If you’re thinking something,  there’s a pretty good chance there are others thinking it too.  So speak up. Maybe you will be judged by the masses.  But does that matter? The masses are the people just following what  they were told to do anyways. Maybe you won’t be as cool or people will make fun of you.  I’ve definitely made some decisions in my life that have caused gossip and rumors.  Haven’t we all? 

But maybe,  for once,  you will get what you want instead of what someone else wanted.  Doesn’t that make it worth taking a chance?  

The Need to be Needed

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It must be a human thing. To feel needed or wanted. When we stop feeling like that and stop feeling appreciated, we lose our motivation to really achieve something. We lose our motivation to love and to care and to really put ourselves out there. 

What is it about being needed to makes us feel worthy? Ideally, we ourselves should feel worthy because of what we accomplished, not because someone praises us or shows us how much they need us. That idea of “you can’t function without me” is something that really is detrimental to our self-worth. We want to feel wanted and needed. Which ends up being that we need or want someone to want or need us. Vicious cycle, right?

I don’t know if it’s possible to be so self-sufficient that you don’t ever need someone to validate you and your effort. It would be an ideal place to be. I definitely wish I could assess my own actions and not depend on anyone else to let me know that I’m doing a good job or or if I’m a good person. I would expend so much less energy if I didn’t question my value. 

The other angle is that I know what I’m worth and I need others to know that well and when they don’t treat me how I would like to be treated, then that’s not a good place to be as well. 

Where does this need come from? So there are 2 aspects. One is that we need this validation to know we are worth something and the other is that we need this validation to know that we are being treated right. 

One day, I hope that I don’t have the insecurities to need validation to know my self-worth. I will always use it as a standard of measure to know that I’m being treated as I should be. 

Financial Stability or Passion? Can I Have Both?

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For most of us, our careers are based on what we might be good at and financial stability. We choose them when we are really young and just keep working away until we get to a point where it’s comfortable. We work, we work, we work, and all of a sudden, we’ve been doing this job for over 30 years. We achieved what we wanted. Financial stability. So my question is where do our passions fall into all of this?

I don’t know about you but mine are side projects.  I make time outside of my regular work to do things I enjoy like writing in this blog. I couldn’t do them full-time though. What if I can’t achieve financial stability? What if the whole thing is a struggle? There is a quote that says “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” I’ve constantly been on the search for that my whole life. I don’t know if I’ll ever find it. 

I really admire those people who manage to turn their passion into a full-time business without letting it feel like a business. My other big fear with turning a passion into full-time work is that what if I start resenting it? What if the business aspect kills it for me? 

Passion. It’s part of what makes life worth living and helps you enjoy every day. It brings people together to achieve common goals. So how does a person take that step towards something that they are passionate about that won’t guarantee financial stability? The people that can do this are amazing. They don’t seem to have any fear. They make it work. And they have enough drive and ambition that leads them to success. 

Why is it so hard for some of us to take that step? We burn out so we can have both financial stability and passion instead of really finding something we want to do and figuring out how to achieve financial stability through that. We get to a point where we don’t want to do anything because we’ve worked so hard at everything. There has to be a balance. There has to be a way to achieve both at once. 

The question is how do we make it happen?