It must be a human thing. To feel needed or wanted. When we stop feeling like that and stop feeling appreciated, we lose our motivation to really achieve something. We lose our motivation to love and to care and to really put ourselves out there.
What is it about being needed to makes us feel worthy? Ideally, we ourselves should feel worthy because of what we accomplished, not because someone praises us or shows us how much they need us. That idea of “you can’t function without me” is something that really is detrimental to our self-worth. We want to feel wanted and needed. Which ends up being that we need or want someone to want or need us. Vicious cycle, right?
I don’t know if it’s possible to be so self-sufficient that you don’t ever need someone to validate you and your effort. It would be an ideal place to be. I definitely wish I could assess my own actions and not depend on anyone else to let me know that I’m doing a good job or or if I’m a good person. I would expend so much less energy if I didn’t question my value.
The other angle is that I know what I’m worth and I need others to know that well and when they don’t treat me how I would like to be treated, then that’s not a good place to be as well.
Where does this need come from? So there are 2 aspects. One is that we need this validation to know we are worth something and the other is that we need this validation to know that we are being treated right.
One day, I hope that I don’t have the insecurities to need validation to know my self-worth. I will always use it as a standard of measure to know that I’m being treated as I should be.
One thought on “The Need to be Needed”
Since everyone has a different view of the same person, I believe that problem starts when we care about how we are being treated, instead of ensuring that we are not mistreated.
For example: if some people socially see me as an acquaintance, it really shouldn’t bother me. it’s not like they are mistreating me. but my self-worth makes me want to show them that I am worth more. However, i eventually realized that its my fault, not theirs. I want to be closer friends with them, so i can either make the effort, or not depending on how i embrace their view. BUT, it is still my fault and problem, not theirs. They haven’t done anything wrong except put me in their view and see me the way through their eyes.
Another example: some people disrespect or mistreat me, but it has to be from a general standard. some people have a way of talking that can be misunderstood, until we realize that’s just how they talk or that’s just how they think. I can disagree or dislike that trait, but it doesn’t mean they are being disrespectful directly. to me.
I didn’t realize this until I was the one who got called out for mistreating a friend, and I genuinely had no idea what that person was talking about.
Finding the balance and realizing this has helped me a lot.
People treat people with their own standards not the next persons. So I don’t take anyone’s praise or criticism too seriously unless its constructive or practical…which it very rarely is. But when it is, I have found that my friendships and relationships blossom very well with those people, and the same is reciprocated.
Regardless of whether I agree with your opinions or not, I do value them because they are always with an honest and helpful purpose. Therefore, your harshest criticism, still make me value you just as much because it still includes something for me to improve NOT just because you are being mean to me or mistreating me. It’s a very valuable part of our relationship.
Keep up the great work.