Accomplish Something?

I’ve probably written about this before but it’s a topic I’m going to revisit because I have been thinking about it lately.

I think I’ve always been the type of person who validates myself through my accomplishments. I know I’m worth something but it’s hard to get my heart to agree to that.

Now, as a stay-at-home mom, what do you judge yourself by? Getting your laundry done? Feeding your family? Making sure everything is done on time? Honestly, I’m not sure. They don’t seem like big goals to achieve (although, sometimes, it is a lot to get done). They don’t even seem like important goals to achieve even though your family’s life does depend on it. It’s probably worth more than I’m assigning importance to.

I do realize that I should probably figure out a way to accept myself as is. I’m not sure how to do that though. I like striving for things. It helps me feel like I’m improving myself and achieving something. Otherwise, I’m just standing still.

Being still is really difficult. Being still gives me too much time to criticize myself on what I am unable to do. Being still makes me think I’m worthless.

How do you get to a place where you feel valuable? It’s not a quantifiable measure. It’s completely internal. I don’t want to reflect my value off of other people because I went through my 20s doing that and it really sucked.

Maybe it’ll take until my 40s to really be able to validate myself by who I truly am. Maybe I’ll be able to see my worth based on me and not my accomplishments. Maybe it’ll get easier to see myself.

Ask

Have ever had one of those days where the thoughts are just running crazy through your head? How about one of those days where you think that no one can possibly feel the way you are feeling right now? Things can seem overwhelming with so many thoughts and emotions. And you end up feeling completely alone because everyone else seems to have their lives together.

The big question is when do we stop and ask for help. Asking for help is difficult because we always think that we can get through whatever we are going through without it. We also don’t want everyone to know the things we think or feel. What if they think we’re weak or crazy? Maybe others won’t understand what we are going through. Maybe others will judge us and make us feel like we are worthless or stupid for feeling the way we feel. Maybe we are the only ones who feel that way and there isn’t a point in asking anyone else about it.

I’ve gone through some rough things before and I’ve been down the therapy route. I am a big proponent of it. Eventually, I stopped going to therapy for the simple reason of living too far away from her. I haven’t looked for a new therapist in the meantime because I was doing much better and I was able to cope with my problems without help.

Even having gone to a therapist before, I still hesitate before I ask for help. At some points in my life, my problems were extremely obvious. I feel like others will judge me because, right now, I don’t actually have anything really wrong with my life. But, in holding back anything I’m feeling, I alienate myself.

I realize I’m happiest when I’ve connected to others who can understand the thoughts I’m having. I realize I feel better about life when I know that I am not alone in anything.

My point of this article is this:

You are not the only one who thinks it. More people than you know are dealing with different thoughts or feelings. Even if we feel alone, we are not.

It’s okay to ask for help.

Don’t Let What Anyone Else Says Hold You Back

Due to a variety of experiences I had in my 20s, I got to a point where I believed I wasn’t lovable, I wasn’t good enough at choreography and dance, I wasn’t perfect looking, I wasn’t thin enough, I wasn’t the “ideal” anything. To be honest, I shouldn’t have let anyone make me feel like I wasn’t good enough. But it happened. 

It’s a hard thing to take when you feel as though the people who have seen you work hard day in and day out don’t believe in you. Being a second option or even worse, a last option makes you feel like you’re not worth anything. 

I felt like this until I decided to make my own path. I started working on projects with people that did believe in me. I walked away from situations that didn’t appreciate my hard work. I don’t know if those people ever realized how they made me feel but it was not a good place for me to be. 

I realized after I walked away that I was quite good at a few things when I had my freedom to really follow my passions. It was then I realized that I shouldn’t have let what anyone else said make me feel less than I really was. I wasn’t. I know that now. 

Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you are worth less than you are. If you believe that you are good at something and you work hard at it, then it’s worth it. You’re worth it.