Fear

“Fear and resistance thrive when we’re avoiding work.” – 101 Essays that will Change the way You Think, Brianna West

I’ve been sitting in fear for a while. Somehow, I want all of these things but I’m too scared to act on them. I used to write all the time about things I saw and things I thought that needed to be discussed but sometime in the last few years, I stopped. I don’t know if it’s laziness or just this block of fear that is holding me back.

I’ve always had the belief that if you want something to change, you have to work to change it. We can’t complain about something when we don’t do anything about it. Logically, I know this but over the last year or so, I haven’t been able to move. It’s like I’m stuck in this comfort zone and while I’m unsatisfied with where I am, I haven’t done anything in my power to change it.

It takes effort and some discomfort to move past where we are stuck. I’m sitting here, typing, and a part of me is filled with anxiety because it’s been a while since I last put myself out there. I have to find a new normal to be able to write again. I can remember when writing made me feel good. Now, I feel like I’d be judged. I don’t know what shifted in my core that makes me feel that way but it’s an exploration I’ll have to go through. I’ll have to be okay with feeling uncomfortable for a while before it feels normal again.

What have you tried to include into your life that has involved shifting your normal? What new change is making you uncomfortable because the fear of change is holding you hostage?

Emotional Awareness- Yes, It’s A Real Thing

Have you ever met people who have no idea why they are acting the way they are acting? They don’t seem to understand that actions have a cause and effect. They act and react according to instinct but never take the time to really think about the why.

I touched on this a little bit in Emotional Abuse…Let’s Talk About It. Emotional awareness isn’t something common among South Asian Indians. We haven’t been raised with the idea of mental health.

For those of us who have finally figured out that mental health is as important as physical health, it took a long time to get to that realization. For me, in particular, it took a lot of going through problems and changes to understand that this was an important aspect that I needed to address if I really wanted to be happy. I had to face that this was a real thing. My mental health was something I had to take care of continuously.

Because I finally faced myself, I started self-analyzing so that I could understand why I acted a certain why at certain times. For example, I used to be super jealous in my previous relationships. I just reacted to the things that would happen. After the end of one of my relationships, I finally took a look at how I was acting because being jealous is seriously no fun. I realized that it had to do with my personal insecurities. I had (and still have) a hard time believing I’m worth anything to anyone. The only difference is now I understand that this is something I need to work on as opposed to my partner. I understand now that I should not be putting this on someone else. It helped my relationships that followed after.

I take the way I feel about myself very seriously. It’s easy to blame unhappiness and a lack of satisfaction on the world around you because it’s difficult to look inward. But most of the time, we can control how we feel and be able to change it if we just took the time to understand where our feelings came from. We can have a better understanding of ourselves and how we react to the world around us and give ourselves a chance to really feel good about our lives.

Even if it feels like you are on top of the world, being emotionally self-aware is a good thing. It’s always good to know why you act the way you act. Maintaining your mental health should be as important as maintaining your physical health. Give it a try sometime.