Believe in Yourself

Validation. We all need it. But how do we get it?

A lot of us tend to seek it out from other people. It’s hard to value ourselves. It’s hard to be able to see our own self-worth. It’s hard to really trust that we are the best versions of who we can be. So we look to others and if they approve of us, we feel good about ourselves.

But what happens if we do something that people don’t approve of? What if we do something that is a good decision for us but isn’t what others think is the “right” thing to do?

How do we validate our decisions then? How do we feel good about ourselves when the rest of the world tells us we aren’t good?

I honestly don’t know the right answer to these questions.

I know that we should be able to validate ourselves. I know that if we are going to trust others, we should trust the people who have been there for us through everything. Why should we listen to people who don’t know us at our core? Why should we listen to those who don’t understand us or our feelings?

I think that sometimes, we just need to trust ourselves. I didn’t trust my emotions and myself throughout my entire 20s. I thought I was wrong in feeling the way I felt. I tried to change my mindset because I thought that I shouldn’t be feeling the way I did. I thought I wasn’t gracious enough and that I wasn’t good enough. I looked at myself through the lenses of the people around me. I didn’t like what I saw at all. I learned by my late 20s that the problem wasn’t me or the way I felt. My feelings were correct. I needed to change my life around.

So I started doing just that. As I entered my 30s, I learned to trust myself and the way I felt. Once I felt centered, I was able to make friends who really were people that I could really reflect off of. I was able to see myself for who I really was. And they saw me for who I really was.

It isn’t easy to always validate yourself. Once you start believing in yourself and who you are, it gets easier.

If You Aren’t Happy, Change It

We have all probably gone through a time where we felt stuck and didn’t know how to get out of it. We all know that person who complains about the same thing over and over again.

Me, personally, I didn’t necessarily complain. I just fell into a deep, dark depression while pretending everything was okay. And then, I’d explode and cry and be extremely confused on what I was supposed to do. Then, I would fall back into the same cycle I was in before I exploded. It was never-ending.

After going through that a few times, I realized that nothing was going to get better just because I was dealing with something I didn’t like. Things didn’t just fix themselves. I had to fix them. I had to change something.

Change is hard to make. We all get used to the way things are or the way we think they are supposed to be. One thing we have to realize is that there is no set plan on how to deal with something. What works for one person might not work for another. We are allowed to adjust our life to make it a happier place for us to be in.

Sometimes, these changes are the biggest decisions you will ever make. One of mine was to leave the college and major I had chosen and move back home and attend a local college with a different major. It took me a year and a half and a lot of depression to figure that I was not supposed to be at that school, doing what I was doing. I have never regretted it.

So take the leap. If you are stressed about something or unhappy about something, change it. Figure out a better way to deal with it. Don’t just accept that this is the way life is and this is the only way it has to be.

Why Can’t You Vaccinate Your Child Again?

I can’t think of anything better to discuss considering we are in the middle of a measles outbreak. I’m not going to sit here and report every fact and figure that is already out there. I’m just going to state my opinion on the whole situation.

It sucks. It really does. There have been reported cases of the measles with 20 miles of where we live. Our kid is still below the age where she can be vaccinated for the measles. Which means she is at risk every time we go out somewhere because someone else didn’t vaccinate their child.

My husband and I aren’t overprotective. We took our 6 month old to India and just tried to keep her protected. She made it through the trip fine. We are the types who believe exposure will build up her immunity to a lot of things. When other outbreaks have happened, we speak with our pediatrician and see what the reality is of the situation.

The reality of this situation is that our child does go to locations and events that involve other young children who can’t be vaccinated yet. And none of us has any way of knowing if any of these children has been exposed to someone who has the measles.

Here’s my question. Why? Obviously, the idea that measles vaccination causes other diseases or developmental problems has already been proven wrong. Even if it did cause problems, the chances are so low that is it really worth taking the risk of having your child catch something that they could have been protected against?

I asked the following question of one of my mommy groups. If the risk of having problems with the vaccine is lower than the chances of your child being in a car accident (especially in Southern California), then why would you continuously put your child in a car but not get the vaccine? It doesn’t make sense to me.

We all want what’s best for our child. We want to protect them against as much as we can. I hate when she cries for anything. So why are we ignoring something that has obviously worked over so much time?

I’m so frustrated that I have to be careful of where I can take my baby to right now because a few people decided to ignore years of progress. And this question will come up again and again when we decide to put her in school and activities.

I come from a family where half of the people are doctors. My family comes from a country that would love to have all the vaccinations the US has for their children. Why do these parents take these vaccines for granted?

I don’t know what the solution to easily resolved problem is. How can you convince people who refuse to vaccinate their kids? I see the posts in my mommy groups and the debate goes on and on and on. The only thing I can think is that if it’s just one simple shot, why doesn’t everyone do it? If it’s shown to work, why is there so much of a fight? Why do we all run to believe people who aren’t qualified to give their opinions?

How can I protect my child against other people’s decisions?

Taking the Risk

Have you ever had something that terrified you beyond belief but it’s something that would not leave your mind? Maybe it’s your mind and guts’ way of telling you that it needs to happen no matter how much it goes against logic. I’ve learned to trust my gut over the years but in reality, I’m still terrified whenever I make a big decision, especially since I know that the effects are way beyond me. 

Everything is a risk. Life is a risk. The only way to know if you can do something is by trying. The worst that can happen is you fail. And as scary as that sounds, it sounds even scarier to me to be in a place where you’re unhappy. 

Amazing things happen when people take risks. Everything innovative in the world was created through a vision and a dream. Knowing that helps when taking risks. Some of the best things that have ever happened to me were born out of leaving a miserable situation. 

I understand familiarity. Usually, that’s the reason I don’t quit things even if it’s for the better. It’s nice to be around consistency and familiarity. It’s nice to know that things are good. As long as they are good. As soon as they stop being good, there is an issue. That’s when change is needed. 

I wonder how many people actually do take the risk and make the change when needed. Do people tend to stay in their current situations because they are scared or do they take the leap and believe everything will be okay? 

I Don’t Recognize This Place

There are days when I can look at old pictures from Facebook and wonder about how people I know got from where they were to where they are now. Honestly, I don’t know if I would have recognized who I am now even 5 years ago. Maybe I would have but maybe my life is so completely different that people I knew then wouldn’t understand me now. I see pictures of friends and really do wonder if I would have even liked them back 5-10 years ago or if it’s who they are now that I really like. 

You know what else I find interesting? It’s when I see people who haven’t changed at all. Most of the people I am friends with now are in their late 20s to their early 30s. I’d like to think most of us have grown up and moved on from those crazy party days. There were days I could go through a weekend going out, having dance practices, and minimal sleep for about 3 days in a row. The thought of that now makes me nauseous from a purely “I can’t handle that anymore” point of view. But there are people who are still doing it. And that’s fine in the sense that that’s what they want to do in their life at this point. More power to them. I just know that after one crazy night, I’m in recovery mode for like a week. 

Have you ever thought back and can pinpoint that one decision that changed the way your life path was going? It’s hard to recognize the life changing ones when you make them (most of the time) until a while later when you look back and realized how you got to the place you are at now. There are friendships that have changed or careers that are not what you started with. 

When I was younger and I couldn’t always keep up with the people partying, I used to look at myself and try to figure out what was wrong with me or how come I am not cooler. I finally got to a point where I can accept some of those for what they are and I’m okay that I don’t always match up to everyone else. I still see those people around and I am okay with the place that I am in my life now even though it might look less exciting than other people’s lives. The harder part for me even now is when I know I’m on the life path working toward something without knowing what and just trusting that one day I’ll understand. Experience has taught me that I will understand someday but I can definitely feel that I’m working my way towards something somewhere. I’m in change mode again but not sure where that will lead. 

Life is an interesting path. One day, I hope to be able to write it all down or do a photo journal and look proudly over what I’ve accomplished and remember all the experiences.