Tag: India

Small Talk

Leave a comment

We’re Indian. Which means that even if we don’t know someone, we kind of sort of know them. So when we run into them at social events, we have to make small talk. It’s how we socialize. It’s how we get to know people. And it’s how we make sure that it’s not awkward when we see them again.

I spent a 30 minute ride home with a family friend who I’ve known my whole life in almost complete silence. Her daughters are really good friends of mine so I asked how they were doing. And that was the end of our conversation. We just had nothing to talk about. I couldn’t even think of what to say so I just sat in silence until I reached home.

There are times I will run into people that I have met before and be at a complete loss of what to say to them. Other than the standard “how are you doing” and “what are you up to”, I have nothing to say. I know small talk comes easily to some people but I’m not sure how.

I have a cousin who once told me that she manages to start conversations by just asking people about themselves. She found that people love talking about themselves and this helped her jump start any conversation. Is it that I’m not that interested in people? Or maybe it’s just that I’m too scared to start talking about anything. Maybe I’m worried what’ll people will think of me.

It’s interesting to me that that insecurity is still around. I’m at a place that I’ve established myself. I know who I am. And if I say something that everyone doesn’t like, should I even worry that much about it? I am well aware that everyone might not like me at this stage in life.

Maybe it’s just that I’ve done my job making new friends over my whole life and now, it’s harder. Now, we really have to make an effort to know someone else. Now, we have to try to find common ground that isn’t just provided to us. Before, we made friends of circumstance. We went to school with someone, they lived near us, we were in the same social group outside of school. It takes a lot to pass the insecurity we might have in order to make new friends.

Now, we have to work at it, especially if it’s a situation where you are truly there just to make friends. You have to put yourself out there. You have to find a way to make the small talk so that you can really get to know the people that you meet.

Small talk. Fun, huh?

Indians: The Ultimate Bargainers

1 Comment

So I have a question for you. Why do we Indians try to take advantage of other Indians? Why do we sit and try to negotiate, bargain, haggle, or whatever you call it? Do we not realize that we are harming someone else’s livelihood?

One example of this is when we go into the stores on Pioneer Blvd. We go in with the belief that we need to bargain down the prices. But what about the people whose shop it is? Why do we think it’s acceptable for us to lower the price they want to charge? We wouldn’t go into Target or Nordstrom’s and consider this acceptable behavior. If we don’t like the prices, why don’t we just walk away from the product being sold like we would in a non-Indian store?

The thing is that I see this affect other industries as well. And I have watched people not wanting to do business with someone who is going to bargain on pricing. If others can pay it, why can’t they? It’s usually not something that these people can’t afford. They just want to be able to say they got the price lowered. If they really can’t afford it, they should look for something they can afford. I don’t try to buy a Mercedes when I can only afford a Honda.

Once someone tries to bargain down to the dollar, the business owner loses motivation to really want to do a good job since it was so much stress to even get to the point of a contract. I have seen that if someone doesn’t put up a fight over every little price point, the business owner will go above and beyond what they were required to do because they don’t feel stifled by the client to start with. The client usually ends up getting so much more than they were expecting to start with.

One other thing I’ve learned is we could sit there and bargain but why would we want to hurt someone’s business, especially of someone we think does a great job in their industry? I understand we want to save money but again, then we should be looking for something within our budget to start with.

Bargaining isn’t a good look on anyone. And to be honest, I’m glad those shop owners in Cerritos are putting up signs that show they aren’t willing to bargain anymore. They work just as hard as anyone else. They should get what they work for.

Fair and Lovely

Leave a comment

My husband found this article and thought it would be a good topic since this whole Miss America being Indian thing has generated a lot of controversy due to racist comments by ignorant people. 

Please read this before proceeding: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/asha-rangappa/miss-america-and-the-indian-beauty-myth_b_3941524.html

I like what this writer says in terms of America recognizing that true beauty really has nothing to do with the color of our skin. The fact that a darker skinned Indian woman born and raised in America won really shows how much it doesn’t matter. 

But this is just one aspect of what is being judged. Here is my issue. I’m brown. There’s no getting around it. I’m not dark, I’m not light. I’m just brown. But I also have super curly hair and curves and definitely do not weigh 110 lbs or less. So where is the discussion on the rest of that? 

When I was 18, I remember telling a friend of mine that guys only check out girls with straight hair. At this time, straighteners were just starting to get popular. It wasn’t common yet. And to be honest, I really felt this way. I felt that every guy I came across went for the straight haired, super thin Indian girl. And I can’t say that I didn’t join this crowd. When I was 21, I layered my hair and started wearing it straight on a regular basis. It’s not until recently that I actually realized that I loved my curly hair and it was something that non-Indian people tend to pay a lot of money to get. 

The reason I bring this up is because many Indian girls do not have straight hair. So why aren’t we proud of that being a part of who we are? 

Another aspect of this contest that I’m having issues with is that every single girl is usually under a certain weight. I’m all for healthy. But I’ve always been curvy regardless and even when I was at my lowest weight, I never looked like the women in a beauty pageant. 

Let’s talk about old Indian cinema. The woman in it had big fluffy hair and fantastic curves and held up her own. I’m waiting for that to come back into style. But what happened now? Everyone has perfect hair all the time and these super perfect bodies (“Perfect” is all an opinion as well). So how much of that is America’s influence on Indian’s cinema? 

I guess my point is that while I applaud the Miss America pageant for stepping out of its box and choosing someone who is truly American regardless of her ethnicity, I still have issues with the ideal look that a “beautiful” woman should have. And I think that India has been influenced by America in terms of what that ideal look is. 

When the winner is someone that I can fully relate to, I will feel like things have changed. Here is to one stepping stone at a time. 

The Past and Its Results: Our Present

Leave a comment

I started reading the autobiography that my grandfather has written about his life. I’ve barely gotten to the part where he is in medical school so I definitely have a lot more left to go considering that he is 92 years old. 

I’m so amazed at what his life so far has been like. To live through all sorts of history that I’ve only heard about. And even so, growing up here in America, not really heard about as well. He survived a bombing in Rangoon, Burma (now Yangon, Myanmar) during World War II when the Japanese invaded and had to go back to India even though he had spent a lot of his childhood in Rangoon. His father actually had to walk back to India because there was no other modes of transportation that were working due to the air raids by Japan. 

I haven’t even gotten to the part where India becomes an independent country yet. I’m curious because I do know my grandparents did meet Mahatma Gandhi so I really wonder what their story is. I don’t know if they will be far-removed from everything or if they were right in the middle of what was going on. 

Last week, I wrote a post about how many parents left the country they grew up in and found themselves in a new country only for the opportunities available to them at the time. Today, I’m reading about this history that my grandfather has gone through. I’m now waiting to hopefully read about the history that my father-in-law has lived through being a member of the Indian army. 

This is what our ancestors have gone through to get to where we are today. Our problems don’t really seem as complex or terrifying as what our families have been through in the past. In fact, on the other hand, it seems like they have gone through their struggles without complaining or feeling sorry for themselves. 

It definitely puts into perspective what we go through on a daily basis. Most of us are extremely lucky wherever we are because we don’t have this struggle of survival. We have the right and the opportunity to choose what we want out of life. I’ve been reading a lot of history in general lately and it seems as though this right to make our own choices has been something most cultures have struggled with for centuries before it was given. I think some cultures are still going through this struggle now. 

Time changes things. It has happened before and it will continue to happen. Eventually, we will all have our effect on the world somehow. I think our generation will change the world in terms of social consciousness, communication, and technology. It will be a different type of change.

I look forward to contributing to it. 

The Good Old Days

Leave a comment

Last night, I got to see some of my friends that I grew up. I always love it when I get to see them because there is some sort of bond with them, even if we haven’t gone through a lot of life together. I, especially, was a little bit older than most of them so I went through college and life at a different time and place. 

When I have to describe the family I grew up with, these are the people who I see. I have family in the US but unfortunately, they are all living on the East Coast so I don’t get to see them often at all. Luckily, my parents had a very strong social group so I had my own family growing up here with me. 

It gets me thinking though. A lot of our parents moved here to this country with no family. They only had the friends that either came with them or even a bit after them. Those friends became their family. Otherwise, it’s not like our parents had their parents around that they could go running to when things got tough. A lot of them came at the age of 24-25, maybe even younger than that. Can you imagine moving to a foreign country with just someone you had married maybe less than a year before? Can you imagine moving and the technology isn’t what it is today? You had no connection to your former life, at least not on a regular basis. 

Our parents had a type of courage that I can’t even imagine. I know there are days when I just want my mom and I call her or text her or just go home and be around my childhood familiarity and comforts. Our parents didn’t have that option. It was really an all or nothing situation. And most of them survived and did well. 

I’m glad to know though that in this time of growing that they did have their friends that moved over here with them. Some of these friendships survived the test of time, some of them didn’t. But these were the people that became their family. They were the ones we called when we had good news or when we had bad news. They were the ones that would come running when we needed them. They were the ones who we would fight with and yet, somehow still remain friends. 

I am glad that those of us born to this group of people have been able to grow up together and truly remain friends as well. These are the people that are my family because they’ve known me in a way that most people will never know me. Even through the times we had all grown apart and now through the times that we get to spend together, it’s been an amazing experience. 

This post is dedicated to the children of the junior group. Thank you for being there. 

Inspiration

Leave a comment

Has anyone else ever wondered why there aren’t more people representing India in the Olympics? India has over a billion people and another who knows how many around the world. How do we end up going to the Olympics with maybe 30 representatives?

We watched an Indian movie this past weekend called “Bhaag Milka Bhaag”, literally meaning “Run, Milkha, Run”. It was about Milkha Singh who participated in the Olympics in the late 50s, early 60s. It was such an inspiring movie about a man who found a way to make something of himself even though he had lost a lot when the partition happened in India in 1947.

I really hope this movie inspires others at it has inspired me. I hope that the kids growing up in India realize that they do have the opportunity to really do something great in this world if they just put their efforts into it. I don’t want to assume anything, considering I don’t live there and don’t know if part of the reason that Indians don’t have a great presence in the Olympics is due to politics or money or some other reason unknown to me.

I have two little cousins who are maybe about 10 years old that have been born and raised in India. Both of them are fantastic swimmers and have been winning competitions as long as they have been swimming. I know at least one of them has her heart set on participating in the Olympics one day. I can only hope that this dream does come true and we get to cheer her on in a few years.

So why doesn’t India have a more dominating presence in these international games? I know they do in some sports (I’d like to say namely cricket) but what about everything else? We can’t possibly have no one who can compete in swimming, track, gymnastics. Are people in India so caught up in becoming actors or models that sports just isn’t as important?

I look forward to the day where the country of my heritage can be competitive in these international forums.

Just Because I’m American Doesn’t Mean I’m Not Indian

3 Comments

You would think the typical problem for someone first generation born in America would be racism against the fact that you are Indian even though you’re as American as the next person. I do know that this is the case for a lot of people throughout the country. It’s a sad fact and hopefully, we are getting to a point where people are enlightened enough that this isn’t an issue anymore.

My problem is a little different from the typical racism. I want to talk about the stereotypes I dealt with growing up. From other Indian people.

There was an Indian movie that came out in the 90s called Pardes. It basically told a story about a girl from India who was marrying a boy who grew up in the US. This boy was a horrible human being. He drank, he smoked, he had girlfriends prior to marriage. All of this was a direct result from the fact that he had grown up in America.

Seriously??

I’m not going to comment on the fact about whether all of these things are right or wrong. Instead I’m going to focus on the fact that all the “bad” stuff happened because a person wasn’t raised in India. And if you think this is just something that was portrayed in a movie, let me tell you that it actually happens.

When I was 19, I brought a guy around to our family parties. This was someone my parents had met and liked and they were fine with him coming with us. All of a sudden, as of that day, I was a bad influence on the other children within our group. Because I had a boyfriend. And this was the type of guy who the same people would have been trying to set me up with maybe 2-3 years down the line. Same nationality, same religion, good family, etc. I couldn’t understand it. I was a super nerd in school. I didn’t drink, I didn’t really have many boyfriends, I had been teaching dance to their children, I had good grades, and was attending college on a scholarship. Yet, all of that history wasn’t enough. I was now this American girl who was going to take everyone else’s children down the wrong path. I was lucky that my parents stood by me and stood up for me. Now, as I watch all of these people’s children get married to people that are not the same heritage as we are, I wonder if they realize how unfairly they judged me back then.

There was a friend I had whose mom did not like me because she felt threatened or something by the relationship I had with “her little boy”. We were just friends but for whatever reason, I wasn’t a good person. One day, she saw me wearing a sari. She asked me who tied the sari for me (it takes a lot of practice). I told her I did it myself and I’ve known how to do it for the last 7 years. My friend later told me that his own sister-in-law from India can’t tie her own sari. Why did this woman assume that I was so American just because I was born here that I didn’t know anything about my own culture?

Most of the people I have been friends with here can speak more languages than just English. Most of them can understand at least 3 languages. I have friends who have been born and raised here in America and friends who have been born in India and came over after spending their childhood there. My own husband came to this country at the age of 11. Yet, there’s not really a significant difference between us. We are both proud of our culture and we share it. We also adopt parts of the American culture that are more progressive and really have been creating a new culture in which future generations will be a part of.

So, Indian people who think that they are better than I am just because I was born here and not there, get over it. We are all the same. The sooner you start thinking that way, the more we will all get along.