Tag: self care

Battling Imposter Syndrome in Everyday Life

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Imposter syndrome.

A constant battle I face.

Webster defines imposter syndrome as “a psychological condition that is characterized by persistent doubt concerning one’s abilities or accomplishments accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one’s ongoing success”.

I feel imposter syndrome in all aspects of my life: as an accountant, as a dancer, as a writer, as an entrepreneur. Even though I have so much evidence to the contrary, any situation I go into, I feel like I haven’t done enough.

When I looking for jobs, even if there was one task that I wasn’t 100% sure about, I wouldn’t apply for it. I would be terrified that I would get the interview or even the job and then fail miserably. They would all know that I really knew nothing about accounting at all. It’s like the degree I worked hard to get and the years of experience means nothing. This is regardless of the fact that every boss I have ever worked for has been willing to teach me anything I ask. I have made mistakes but the majority of the time, I’m actually pretty good at what I do.

That brings me to dance. I’ve danced even longer than I’ve been an accountant. I’ve danced in big venues with professional dance teams. Yet, whenever we discuss experience or tryouts for something new, because I’m not trained in the standard ballet and jazz (I did take jazz as an adult for a couple of years but not throughout my life) or classical Indian (although I’ve also taken kathak as an adult), I feel like I’m not going to be good enough. There is constantly the fear that no matter how much experience I’ve had choreographing and performing, somehow I was just lucky enough to do it at all. I see these amazing dancers and always feel as though they are on a different level than me.

Writing. That’s been the most recent journey in my life. Yes, I’ve been writing this blog. Yes, I published a book. But there are people who have been doing this for years, are professionally trained, have worked for big companies or publishers, have best-selling novels. Was I good enough? Am I allowed to call myself a writer?

Imposter syndrome. It creeps up on you no matter how much you try to convince yourself that you have every right to be there. How do we get rid of this? How do we believe in ourselves enough that we stop feeling this way? What does it actually take to feel like you belong wherever you think you belong?

I have held onto most of my self-doubt for over 30 years. Maybe this next year will be the one where I start believing that I belong.

Feeding Your Soul

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Have you ever felt like you’re just living one day after another? Like it’s so filled with routine and getting from one place to the next? Is your goal every single day just to get through it? Does relief only come when the kids are in bed and you have that hour or so to yourself to relax and really connect with yourself (and your significant other)?

There is no getting around that we become our last priority when we have kids and school and extracurriculars and routines. Even when you find a free minute for yourself, what are you doing with that time? Are you choosing to feed your soul?

Recently, my sisters and cousin and I got into a conversation of things we would love to do again. Granted, it’s been about 10 years or more since the last time we did these activities and a lot, including our physical abilities, have changed. We don’t know if we’d even be able to do a lot of the things we used to be able to do.

But should that even be a factor? I loved taking dance classes and performing on stage in that particular dance style. Going to the classes would do something basic for me and my confidence that I wouldn’t be able to accomplish in any other way. It’s not something I have to be an expert at. I’m not aiming to achieve something great. I just want to participate in something that makes me feel good. I want to work on something personal that has no effect on anyone other than me.

I think we let this idea go too easily. When we talk about self-care, it usually results in massages and nail salons. While that is also fine and can work wonders (I absolutely love massages), there are times that we might need more than that. There is just something about taking a chance on something new (or old) that we can fall in love doing. Make your self-care really count.

Go sign up for something that you have always wanted to do. See how it makes you feel.

The First Thing To Go Out The Door

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Self-care.

As a mother, I think this is the first thing that we abandon when we have kids. Our priorities shift enough that the order of important is the following: kids #1-however many and our partner, work, home, extended family, the world, everything else, ourselves.

We forget we exist until we run ourselves down enough that there is only a shell of our former selves left. Then, all of a sudden, we are locked in a bathroom, crying our eyes out because this isn’t the life we imagined.

We have to take care of ourselves. If we don’t feel good about ourselves, then how can we be a good example for our kids?

I’m not only talking about the physical stuff like showering, grooming, exercising. We have to take care of ourselves mentally and emotionally. We have to take that time in the day where we can focus on ourselves.

Doing all of this other stuff is wearing. It’s tiring. It’s hard to refocus on yourself. When I finally get a few minutes of quiet, I just sit there and stare into the abyss. Okay, the abyss in reality is the tv. It’s like I forget how to function. I can’t even think of what I’d want to do for myself. If I do figure it out, I don’t have the energy.

It’s easy to get caught up in resentment and anger when you get used to putting yourself last. As a South Asian Indian mom, I’m programmed to put myself last. I’m supposed to put my kids and husband first. And every time I feel neglected, I end up feeling a mixture of sadness and anger.

The thing is that you have to find the solution. Your kids are never going to put you first and your partner can only help so much. You have to find the time and energy to do things for yourself. You have to be okay with putting yourself first sometimes. You have to find ways to take care of yourself.

If you have any self-care tips, I’d love to hear them. I am always looking for new ways to take care of myself.