Tag: support

What Indian People Think

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Sometimes, I read what other people write about being an Indian raised in another country. It’s scary to see what they think. I read a couple of articles written by these Indian people about how we are losing our culture if we are born and raised in America. We defy our parents, we ignore our traditions, we don’t want to participate in anything even remotely Indian.

I’ve written a few articles about this in various forms already. Just because I’m American does not mean I’m not Indian. Yes, there are things that have changed since the good old days where the daughter or daughter-in-law would just blindly do what her elders asked but that’s called progress. It’s called knowledge.

In exchange for me not being the world’s best cook or the Indian woman that cleans all day long, I am independent. I know how to financially support myself. I never needed to get married to someone in order to survive. Instead I chose to marry someone who supports my passions and interests and we have a relationship based on friendship and love. We are here because we want to be not because we have to be.

On that note, I chose my own life partner. I really got to know myself myself and having gone through previous relationships only helped me understand who the right person was for me to take this journey with. In exchange for that, I won’t resent having missed out any part of life. I won’t feel stuck in a relationship because it was my duty to be there. I will love myself and my partner because I have gotten the chance to chase my dreams.

Yes, I don’t agree with or listen to everything my elders say. In this day and age, with all of the information out there, the ideas that we had grown up with might not be the same or even accurate anymore. I also believe in making my own mistakes. But guess what? Neither of us, my elders or I, know everything. We all have to learn. It doesn’t matter if they had done something before us and we are in the process of doing it now. Times have changed! Things have changed!

It’s frustrating that those of us who were raised in a different country still get judged for it. The truth is that our parents left India to make a better life for us. Our parents wanted better opportunities for us. So then why do we get judged when we take advantage of these opportunities? You can’t expect us to move forward in one thing and still be behind in something else. I can’t be an educated woman and then be expected to sit at home, cooking and cleaning all day (unless it’s truly what I love to do). With knowledge comes change. With knowledge comes progress.

I think it’s time that the Indian people who keep thinking we are losing our culture and traditions realize that it’s not that we’re losing them. It’s that our culture and traditions are evolving. Things will change. They always have. Even if you believe that everything has been the same for thousands of years, I can promise you that it hasn’t. Even in India, things have changed over time.

So please stop judging us. Accept change. It’s the only way that you’ll really ensure that the things that are important to you stay around (unless you expect me to wait on you hand and foot because that’s not happening).

Are You Ambitious Too?

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Ambition. It’s something that isn’t inherently in all of us. Well, at least, not in the same way. Some of us are ambitious about our careers, some of us are ambitious about our hobbies, some of us are ambitious about something else entirely. So how do it work when two people aren’t ambitious about the same thing?

Being a first generation raised in America Indian, most of us are taught to be ambitious about our careers. After all, most of our parents came over here and worked extremely hard so that we would get the opportunities to achieve whatever we wanted. So, of course, we should be taking advantage of that and do the best we can to take their successes a step further. Most of the people I have been raised with all have that same mindset.

Here’s the interesting part for me: not EVERYONE believes that as well. There are a few people I do know who haven’t achieved as much as they are capable of. I don’t know why they haven’t. I don’t know if it’s a lack of ambition or if there are other reasons. I don’t know if it’s something that’s inherited or if it’s just a personality thing.

I’ll be honest. I do judge people based on what is perceived as a lack of ambition. I can’t understand it because most of the people I know do have some sort of drive. And when I say ambition, I don’t just mean education-wise. It could be ambition in that person’s career or the way they raise their kids or their hobbies. I see interests that don’t just involve being social but to better themselves and the people around them in some way. But if I meet someone who doesn’t seem to want to do anything, I have a hard time understanding that person. I don’t think that too many people like this do exist though. Most people do have interests and want to accomplish something in life.

I think what’s important to understand is that two people won’t necessarily have the same ambitions. My husband knows I like to be involved in a lot of things. In the past, I have simultaneously worked, gone to school, and been involved in dance. But now, as a stay at home mom, that isn’t all possible. When we talked yesterday, he apologized to me for not being able to pursue my ambitions. The thing is that I can’t have the same goals when my role in life has changed. But what I can do is change my goals. While he follows his ambition to grow his career and business, I am following mine to raise my daughter and to develop other parts of my life (such as this blog) so that I feel fulfilled. And we both support each other. In the end, both of us should be able to positively influence my daughter’s life because she can see that even though we don’t necessarily share the same ambitions, we both will work hard to achieve something regardless of what it is. As long as we can figure out what we want to accomplish together as a couple and as parents, we can figure out how to get there with the other as support.

Fired for Being Who He Was

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Today, a lot of alumni from my high school are gathering to support one of the teachers at the high school that was fired. Let me explain the background. 

I went to an all-girls high school. It was Catholic and run by the nuns that lived on the property. It had the usual: uniforms, masses, classes on religion. How does that make a Hindu girl feel, especially when I was in the minority? Actually, I never felt out of place. This school was pretty tolerant of those that were not Catholic. We were never made to feel different. We had to attend everything, of course, but I do remember one specific idea that was presented in one of my religion classes. It was that every religion has the same 5 basic principles so we aren’t all that different from each other. I remember also being asked to stand up in front of the whole school and say something about friendship in Hindi during Thanksgiving Mass. I was proud of my culture and I was allowed to share it. I actually wore a sari to my prom which when I went to prom was something that most people had not seen before. 

A few weeks ago, I saw an article that a former classmate had posted on Facebook. It was about a teacher from his job at a high school getting fired because he got married to his partner of 10 years. Turns out it was my school. There was already a movement in place to get him reinstated that was orchestrated by former students of his. I signed the petition and expressed my surprise at the intolerance of my high school, especially when I had remembered it to be otherwise. 

This is not a teacher I had learned under when I was in school. He was present but our paths never really crossed. From what it sounds like when I read his other students’ stories that he was a greatly influential and well-respected teacher. It’s been amazing to watch people come together to support this cause. It’s remarkable to know that a man who just did his job by supporting his students is now being supported by his students. 

It’s embarrassing to know that my high school could show this type of intolerance. I’m glad that someone took a stand. Their petition has reached a lot of people and I believe they have a march tonight at the high school to show their support.

It’s about time that those who aren’t tolerant come into the 21st century. 

If you would like to show your support, attached is a link to the petition. 

http://www.change.org/petitions/st-lucy-s-priory-high-school-give-ken-bencomo-his-job-back?share_id=JzjxDwyzpB&utm_campaign=signature_receipt&utm_medium=email&utm_source=share_petition