High Anxiety

Anxiety. It’s one of the most normal and most difficult things to deal with. It can mess with your mind and really affect your overall well-being.

According to the dictionary, anxiety is “a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.”

I don’t think I recognized how much anxiety I experienced when I was younger. And it got worse as I got older. I’d sit with all of these negative thoughts in my head without a way to move past them.

It’s not just me either. My sisters and I frequently discuss the anxiety we feel on a daily basis. We discuss what is triggering it and how to deal with it. I believe as we get older, we are more aware of the consequences of our actions and the uncertainty that surrounds making the choices we do.

I find that the best way for me to deal with it immediately is to breathe. I need to get rid of the butterflies and nervousness that is sitting in my stomach. Then, I write. I write about what I’m feeling until it’s out of me. Finding a solution sometimes isn’t the goal. The goal is to realize that no matter what I’m feeling that it will work out. Sometimes, we just have to wait out what we are feeling anxious about. If it’s something I can resolve immediately, I work on it but a lot of times, it’s just the fear of the unknown.

We ave to find a way to trust that we will be okay. There will always be a way to figure out how to feel better. It’s just a matter of not succumbing to the emotions at the moment and feeling despair. You have to just realize that the immediate feeling isn’t what you will be feeling for the rest of your life. It will pass. You just need to find a way to navigate through it.

It won’t be easy especially when you’re in the middle of an anxiety attack. Find your support. Find your breath. Find a way to get to the other side of it.

Why Don’t We Talk About It?

I met someone who was telling me about her journey to have her children. She was open about it which she mentioned was unusual for an Indian person.

She wasn’t wrong.

Why don’t we talk about it? I’m not just talking about things like miscarriages and infertility but also other things that we think are embarrassing or that we will be judged for in the Indian society.

Why should we be embarrassed? So many people go through things such as depression, therapy, divorce, miscarriages, in vitro fertilization, difficult births, and having a hard time adjusting to being a parent. The list goes on and on.

Why shouldn’t we talk about it? I’ve personally been through quite a few of these things and I try to be open about it because if my experiences can help one other person see that it’s normal to feel like this or go through this and it helps them figure out how to make themselves feel better, then it’s worth it.

We keep worrying about being judged by our community or society but seriously, what the hell? Who cares if some aunty talks about the fact that you had trouble getting pregnant? I promise you a fair number of the generation before us also had the same problems. So why do they believe that not looking like the “perfect” person is a bad thing?

As I said in Emotional Awareness- Yes, It’s A Real Thing, mental health is important. And as a South Asian Indian, we hide from our feelings. We try to play off that everything is always okay. Everything is not always okay. And most of us probably understand that even though we don’t share it. It’s a good thing to be able to recognize when you aren’t okay because recognizing that is a step to helping yourself.

It’s okay to not be happy 100% of the time. It’s okay to go through things. It’s okay to have physical and emotional health problems. And talking about it gives you a chance to finding a solution. It also gives you a chance to find a support system to lean on. None of these things makes you a worse person. None of them make you a weak person. Acknowledge and own what you are going through. Once you do, no one else’s judgment matters.

So let’s talk about it.

The Other Forms of Dance

Have you ever noticed that when you talk to certain people about the type of dance you do (or whatever your thing is), that if it’s not what they think is the best type, they sort of tune you out and ignore what you said?

There have been quite a few people who can’t seem to see past what they think is the most important style of dance.

I’ve had people literally ignore my dance resume because it’s not the style of dance they believe in. I’ve heard people in my style of dance claim another form is easier than what they do and that it’s no big deal to learn. I’ve heard of people who don’t even want to watch something else because it’s not “real dance”.

It’s kind of insulting actually. Why is it that we can’t appreciate other forms of art? Why is it that we have to put down anything that is unfamiliar to us? Couldn’t it be possible that maybe it’s just as good and it takes just as much talent to do one form of dance as it does to do another?

And why is it that people feel the need to put something else down? Why can’t something we don’t know just be that? Is it insecurity? Is it the fear that if something else is as good or even better that we aren’t good anymore?

If we have enough talent and you are able to share that with others, then whatever you know is good enough. I’m hoping more people can stop being competitive and just support others in our field.

Sometimes, it says more about you that you are able to accept something is good rather than try to prove that it isn’t good at all.

How To Chase Your Passions While Being a Mom

Today, I was really missing dancing and performing. I’ve spent a good part over the last 16 years dancing on various teams and in shows. It’s definitely slowed down since I had my first kid. I have had a few opportunities to dance in between being pregnant and having baby #1 and baby #2 but it’s not as frequently as I would like.

I posted on Facebook about this longing I had for dance and a few opportunities popped up. I’m really excited to get started and do this.

But I can’t just jump into things the way I used to.

I have to remember that my first responsibility is my family. My kids’ lives and needs come first. They have their schedules that are more important that anything else.

So how does it work if my needs come second?

Somehow, I have to manage balancing my responsibilities with chasing my passions. I know I could just ignore my own needs and concentrate on my kids but if I did that, then I wouldn’t be giving them my best self. The only answer to this is to find a way to do both.

I find sections of my day to focus on the things I do for me. I wake up early to write (or write during a movie that I’m watching with my kid like I’m doing now). I work out during nap times. In order to be able to dance, I need the support of my husband.

He’s a great guy and we both believe in allowing space so that the other is able to do the things that will make us happy. We believe that if we are happy, our kids will be happy. So I have the ability to dance while my husband handles our responsibilities.

It isn’t easy to be able to chase your passions while being a mom. But if I want it bad enough, I’ll find a way to do it.

Encourage, Not Discourage

I have a friend who posted about working out on Facebook. In her comments section, there were a bunch of comments about how it was funny that she started working out or that they were waiting for her to give up.

Seriously???

Someone is trying to do something good for their own life and whether it will work out or not, why are people discouraging her? Why would you tease someone who was trying to make a positive change in their life?

I don’t know about everyone else but within the Indian community, you do see this a lot. Instead of helping people out, we tend to put people down. We don’t always support others in their dreams or goals. Even when we do seem to support someone, it’s not always real. We end up talking negatively about them behind their backs.

Why do we feel the need to put someone else down? Why is it so hard to just believe in them? Does it matter if we end up being right or wrong?

Just say that someone does quit or doesn’t achieve their goals. Does it make a difference to us? My guess is what that person will remember is your belief in them, in your support for them.

There’s no reason to discourage someone (even if you mean it jokingly). It could really hurt their feelings or prevent them from following their dreams. Even though we think that our words would not have that effect, they might.

Support. Believe. Encourage.

 

It’s Okay To Let Go

Today, I saw this article about letting go of toxic people to make room for more positivity in your life. It reminded me of all of the people I have slowly been walking away from because they aren’t good for me.

Let’s be honest. For me, it basically came down to unfriending them on Facebook. The fact that they were toxic already meant we weren’t socializing or in touch at all. But seeing their lives on Facebook just kept me connected to them. When I did have to deal with them in person, it just drove home the point that we weren’t meant to be friends.

It’s a difficult thing to do. Some of the people I have walked away from share so much history with me. There are friends I have had growing up, people on dance teams, old relationships, former best friends. How do you just let go of 10 plus years of friendship? How do you let go people who were there for you in the most difficult times? How do you walk away from people who were there through sweat, blood, and tears? And what happens that these are the people who become toxic?

I honestly believe a lot of it happened because I changed. I learned who I was and because I embraced that part of myself, it changed the relationship I had with whichever person was now toxic. Some friendships have the capability of adapting. But some definitely don’t. And when you believe you are making a change for the better, you can either trust yourself and those who support you or you can view yourself from an outside point of view that makes you feel less than you should. In my opinion, no one should ever make you feel that way.

If you are also Indian, you know that walking away from someone doesn’t mean you won’t ever see them again. Sometimes, I wish it did but let’s face it. We are all 2 degrees of separation from each other. Inevitably, we will run into someone who we have decided isn’t good for us. And we have to learn how to deal with it.

It’s also difficult to see everyone else’s lives go on without you because you chose to walk away. I see groups I used to be a part of living their lives and celebrating events, only now I am on the outside. It would be so easy to find a way back into the groups but I also know it wouldn’t be good for me to be around those people. Sometimes, it does suck to be on the outside.

This is the hard part for me. I would love people to see what I see and “be on my side” about the toxic person. Then, I have to remind myself that just because someone isn’t good for me doesn’t mean that person isn’t good for someone else. And honestly, I can see where I might be toxic for other people. So I have to learn to let it be because everyone has the right to live the way he or she wants as well and I walk away, unfriend, or shield myself from them.

All I can do is what is best for my life and keep positive, supportive people around my family.

 

 

Why I Can’t Change My Facebook Profile Picture To Support France

A few days ago, unnecessary violence happened again in multiple countries in our world. After the explosions and shootouts in France, almost everyone on my news feed changed their profile picture to the colors of France’s flag in order to show their support for the country in this horrible time.

I haven’t. And I want to explain why.

It’s not that I don’t support France. Or any of the other causes that have happened where you could change your profile picture to show your support. And I want to expressly state that I am not judging anyone who does change it. I’m positive that it helps the people in these countries or situations to see so much support from people all over the world. I know I would feel better if it was me in that situation.

It’s not that it doesn’t affect me. I literally started crying when I was reading what happened. The people that got hurt were people who were just doing what any of us could have been doing that night. They were in restaurants, watching concerts, hanging out. We went out the night after and all I could think is what would I do to protect my daughter if something like that happened where we were. Because, as we have seen through so many of these violent tragedies, it could have.

It’s because I can’t do anything to stop it. Changing my profile picture won’t stop these people from hurting innocent people again.

When my friends started changing their pictures and colors to support France, I thought about it. That “try it” button is so easy to press. But I couldn’t press it. Because all I could think was “Is this all you can do to help?”. I felt guilty and sad because I don’t want that to be all I could have done to make their pain less, to make things better for those people. I want to be able to do more.

I hate the fact that I feel so helpless in these situations. I wish I could gather up all of these crazy people and keep them away from everyone and everything good. I honestly believe the majority of people and all of the religions in the world are good. I want to live in a world where I can raise my kid and not worry for her safety because the people around her would help protect her as opposed to want to hurt her. Unfortunately, we don’t always live in that world.

But we do live in a world where others do need our help. And, as I feel almost every time after some horrible tragedy happens, we need to figure out how we can help.

I keep trying to figure out what I can do. And until then, I can’t do something that doesn’t physically make things better for the people who have gone through it.

If you have ideas or suggestions, maybe it’s time for us to start trying to make a change. Please share your thoughts on how we can do this together.