Encourage, Not Discourage

I have a friend who posted about working out on Facebook. In her comments section, there were a bunch of comments about how it was funny that she started working out or that they were waiting for her to give up.

Seriously???

Someone is trying to do something good for their own life and whether it will work out or not, why are people discouraging her? Why would you tease someone who was trying to make a positive change in their life?

I don’t know about everyone else but within the Indian community, you do see this a lot. Instead of helping people out, we tend to put people down. We don’t always support others in their dreams or goals. Even when we do seem to support someone, it’s not always real. We end up talking negatively about them behind their backs.

Why do we feel the need to put someone else down? Why is it so hard to just believe in them? Does it matter if we end up being right or wrong?

Just say that someone does quit or doesn’t achieve their goals. Does it make a difference to us? My guess is what that person will remember is your belief in them, in your support for them.

There’s no reason to discourage someone (even if you mean it jokingly). It could really hurt their feelings or prevent them from following their dreams. Even though we think that our words would not have that effect, they might.

Support. Believe. Encourage.

 

When Our Past Returns

A few days ago, I heard from someone who I hadn’t talked to in 5 years. The last conversation we had wasn’t a good one and I never expected to hear from her again. Then, all of a sudden, I received a message, wishing me a happy birthday and congratulating me on my new kid. I was in shock and I couldn’t respond for a couple of days because I needed to process. It’s interesting when that does happen. It was a really nice message and I was glad to hear from that person. 

When a relationship of any type ends, there is usually a reason for it. I know, in this case, I had hurt the person pretty badly and I didn’t know if she would ever understand the reason behind it. It took a lot for her to message me just to say as much as she did and I really respect her for it. It makes me think that maybe she finally understood why the relationship ended. 

I’ve been through this before. Just like most people, I have had falling outs with different people throughout my life, whether it was a friend or a relationship. And, in my experience, one of the two people involved, if not both, will eventually come back and show that they have put the past behind them. There have been times when we walk away from something that is not good for us personally and hope that one day, the person involved will understand the reasons we move on. 

But, when we do finally hear from whomever we have had the problems with, it still comes as a shock. We don’t expect to hear an apology, let alone good wishes from someone who we have ended on bad terms with. 

I hope that, one day, every relationship of mine that had ended badly does eventually resolve itself. I hope that we can find a way to move past our past and maybe that will lead us to making sure our current and future relationships are good. It takes a big person to be able to walk forward and I still see people who hold onto the bad even though they have a chance to move towards the good. There are people that refuse to accept an apology or find ways to see the other side’s point of view, regardless of who was right or wrong. I don’t want to be one of those people. 

I’m not saying that everyone deserves a second chance but usually, in these types of situations, it doesn’t hurt to at least try.

Sometimes, we just need our past to return to show us where we used to be and where we are now. 

Courage to Take Responsibility

It takes courage to stop blaming and take responsibility.

I read this quote in an article that someone had posted on Facebook. I love it. How many of us can be completely honest today and admit to being wrong about something? How many of us can take the next step and actually apologize to the person for being wrong?

We have all had our moments whether on purpose or not of screwing up and hurting someone. Then, what?

I think that the people in our lives are a great reflection of who we are. If you aren’t sure of what you look like to the outside world, take a look at the people around you. Are they good people? Or are they the types that don’t take responsibility for their own lives where everything is always someone else’s fault?

I had a friend email me last night, apologizing for not being there in the past few weeks when I was going through a really hard time. This is a friend who has been there through some of the worst times in my life. This is a friend who was apologizing to me for not being there while she was going through a really hard time herself. I admire my friend a lot. She is an amazing person. And I admire her courage to stand up for her beliefs and do what she needed to do when she thought she was wrong. I don’t think she was wrong at all for taking some time out for herself while she dealt with her stuff but that’s a whole other story.

I think people don’t realize that having beliefs is acceptable. Standing up for your beliefs is also acceptable. I have done this time and time again. And there are times when I have stood up in a way that was completely unacceptable. I have had to go back and apologize for not treating someone correctly because I was passionate about something that they didn’t understand or agree with. It doesn’t change what I stand for but I want to be proud of the way I defend my beliefs.

How do we make the world a better place when we don’t have the courage to even look internally at our who we are and what we are doing? It’s scary sometimes to see the person staring back at you. The only thing we can really ever do is our best. We are all human and we are all going to make mistakes. And sometimes, those mistakes will hurt other people. But if we can take a look at what just happened and take responsibility, then that shows that we can learn and grow. I hope that is how we change our world to be a place to be proud of.