I keep seeing some patterns on Facebook with the wedding pictures posted that I wanted to address. It might be judgmental of me or maybe I’m wrong in interpreting the meaning or the situation behind the pictures. I don’t necessarily know the couples beyond an acquaintance and maybe there is something there that I’m not seeing. But here are my thoughts and I wanted to share them.
1) On your wedding day, your smile should be real. Note that I said “should be”. The posed smiles are really easy to tell especially if you aren’t an actor. And maybe you have a great posed smile but the smiles I want to see are the ones that reach your eyes. The ones that really look like there’s nowhere else you’d rather be than in that spot with that person you’re marrying. A lot of times, the first pictures that go up on Facebook are not the professional posed pictures but the ones that your friends and family take at the event randomly. My question is: When the pros aren’t looking and it’s not a posed moment, do you still look happy?
2) My next question is: Is the person you’re marrying your best friend? If that person is, then what’s the need to ditch that person on your wedding day to hang out with anyone and everyone else? I understand that there are family and friends that you haven’t probably seen in years and you want to spend time with them but is it necessary to do it in a way that abandons your partner? Isn’t it possible for both of you to hang out with your friends? Besides, if you ditch your significant other, aren’t you ditching your best friend? Would you do that to your other best friends?
3) A wedding day is just that. A wedding day. I keep seeing people who are so concerned about the wedding itself that they forget to have fun themselves. You plan for a year for this one day (or in the case of an Indian wedding, this one week) and then what? It’s over. But guess what? Marriage is for life. So what if your flowers aren’t the exact colors that you chose or everything didn’t run in the order that you wanted? In the end, you married the person you are in love with. As long as that happened, who cares what else happened? It’s just a small piece of a marriage. There will be many more challenges in life than your wedding day. Get ready for those.
4) If you are more concerned about the wedding than what comes after, maybe getting married at this time or to this person isn’t the right path for you. I can’t necessarily see this in photos but again, you can see the connection between people. And you can see when someone is more in tune with the planning than they are with the fact that they are committing themselves to one person for the rest of their lives.
It frustrates me to see this. Again, I know I don’t have the full story always and there are always things behind the pictures that I will never know. But I definitely hope that I see wedding pictures where the bride and groom look so joyously happy that I can feel it when I see those pictures.
4 thoughts on “The Wedding Day”
Right now I am planning my wedding and the biggest problem is the family. I want just family there and no reception. My fiancee wants a bigger ceremony with a reception with dancing. With a small budget, a big wedding isn’t worth it. We are not going to try to please our friends. We are getting married to each other. That is the most important thing.
I agree. But a lot of couples put more importance on everything having to do with the wedding and not on each other. I’m glad that you guys understand that it’s about the marriage.
Text doesn’t always have a voice…the context is created by the reader. So please don’t be offended. In no way is the tone supposed to be harsh and in no way is this meant to offend. These are just my opinions based on what you have written. I am sure you may disagree and/or agree with most of the below:
Response to point 1) – Good point. Camera captures the exterior, however, we can’t get into people’s heads. Everyone expresses happiness differently. I have a big nose, nobody notices my eyes when I smile, even I don’t. Doesn’t mean I am not happy and doesn’t mean i am happy. It depends on the mood of the person who is looking at the picture. However, not every picture captured and/or posted is a moment of happiness so unless you’re there, it’s not fair to judge.
Response to point 2) – I partially disagree. My wife is someone I share my entire life with. Everything. Good, bad, everything. I don’t see her as my best friend. She’s more than that. She’s a companion, a traveler, a co-pilot. My best friend is my best friend because of who I am with them. But if I change, and my best friend’s life doesn’t coincide with that change, the friendship changes. Sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. So it all depends on your definition of the relationship which is why I only partially disagree. I don’t know your definition of a best friend.
Response to point 3 and 4) – it’s contradictory. You can’t say enjoy the wedding day and then say, well why are you so focused on that and not what’s after. It’s like saying, live in the moment, and worry about the next one. You can’t do both. Also, many indian brides have so much more going on in terms of the emotions and nerves of her own family, and the new one that no camera can truly capture that. I believe you can see the paradox, happiness and sadness at the same time. Of course, that can also be misinterpreted from pictures.
Response to your conclusion) – I completely agree with you. You don’t know the whole story, EVEN if you were there, unless you were directly related to the bride or groom. So trying to feel happiness by looking at a picture of someone else, is like trying to get full by smelling the food in the neighbor’s kitchen. The opposite happens, you’ll feel more hungry after smelling, and you’ll feel more frustrated searching for happiness in someone else’s pictures.
You can only feel happiness from your own moments, not someone else’s. They are not you and you are not them.
Just like all your other writing, I enjoyed this one as well.
Sorry again for the long disclaimer and the length of this post. Feel free to remove if you disapprove.
I think you both bring up very good points.
I do however agree with Shailee on what she has written. To many young individuals get caught up the in the idea of “getting married” and they do not focus on the true reality of marriage. The reality is your wedding should be focused on two people; you and your partner, and not just the excitement of getting dressed up and taking pictures. Your wedding day is just a small piece of the picture. In essences it is one of the most important days of your life; but that isn’t because of the decorations and the guest that are attending your wedding, it is because of the person you have chosen to spend your life with.
This too is just my opinion.
R – You stated that your wife is your everything? and someone who share your life with. Isn’t that essentially a best friend? Most people have more than one best friend. Each of your best typically represent something different in your life. From my experience best friends don’t just go away because a person has changed. Best Friends stick though thick and thin with you; which is what a spouse does. I have had one of my best friends for 15 years. I was 14 years old when we become friends and today we both have changed tremendously from the individuals we were back then. We may no see each other often but we always know when we need something that we are still their for each other. So I do believe that the person you marry should be your best friend.
R – I would agree that the camera doesn’t always capture the right moments. But I can look back at my wedding day and see even the pictures where I am not smiling in; and all those pictures there is still excitement and love showing in my eyes. That doesn’t mean that their isn’t fear or any other emotions.