A Tale of A Turban

I recently have taken a part in a movement called 1000 Speak For Compassion. It involves flooding the blogging community with stories of compassion. I think it’s important that we continue to see how compassion helps us rise past the struggles and keeps us moving in a positive direction.

This month’s theme is writing about Building From Bullying. I was lucky enough to not have to ever really deal with bullying but I have heard stories about what my husband went through as a child. I wanted to share one.

My husband moved to the US from Punjab in 1994. As a Sikh boy, he wore a turban. Now, we hear of stories today where children (and adults) who wear turbans are being bullied and harassed. And that’s today when we have so much access to information and knowledge to know that wearing a turban is just a part of their religion and culture. We know that wearing a turban shouldn’t have a negative connotation to it. And yet, as we see through social media and the news, it often still does.

So, in 1994, when we did not have this much access to information, of course, my husband was bullied for wearing a turban. He was the only Sikh male out of the 3 Indian people attending his school. The only reference that people had to Indian people was Apu from The Simpsons.

He would have to deal with name-calling with names such as “Towel Head” and “Diaper Head”. He would be asked if he rubbed his head, would a genie come out of it (he thought this point was pretty cool but was disappointed when it didn’t work)?

Kids would follow him around and talk to him in the “Apu” accent. They would tell him to go back where he came from. There was one kid in his Physical Education class that would sit behind him and constantly try to take off his turban from the bottom. This kid would steal his clothes from his gym locker and block him from going somewhere.

The teacher would notice and apologize but it didn’t always stop the harassment.

And it’s not that my husband wouldn’t want to defend himself. He thought about punching the kid that was bothering him. In the end, it wasn’t worth it to him because he reminded himself that his end goal was getting an education. His parents had worked really hard to move to America from India for him to get a good education and have success in life. Getting into a fight would only be a distraction.

It got so bad that when lunch periods happened, he decided he would rather go stand in a quiet, empty area of the school for 30 minutes rather than be in the cafeteria with the other kids. It turned out that this empty quiet area existed because there was a computer lab in that hallway. And even though my husband wasn’t a part of that particular class, the teacher let him come in during his lunch period and play around on the computers.

My husband used the opportunities and developed his interest in computers. Today, he is a software engineer with his own successful business.

He didn’t let the bullying become bigger than he was. He was also lucky that the bullying wasn’t to the point of being seriously physically and emotionally abused.

Eventually, the bullying did stop. Once the children realized that he was smart and they needed his help, they stopped being disrespectful based on his looks. Even the kid that would bother him in his physical education class came to him for help with a computer project.

The compassion that the computer teacher showed him by letting him just be a part of the computer lab helped drive him on his path to success. During those 30 minutes each day, he found something that he really loved to do. It kept his focus on the good and kept him moving towards his ultimate goal.

We can only hope that others who face bullies today know how to focus inward and find something that gives them confidence. We hope that they have the courage to move past it and have the support to thrive beyond the bullies. We hope that there is someone to show them compassion when they need it.

20 thoughts on “A Tale of A Turban

  1. AshleyTriesIt says:

    I felt so sad reading the first part of this. I cannot imagine how he might have felt with such intense bullying. It made me angry that people are so cruel.
    I’m very glad that this had a happy ending. Your husband sounds like a strong and intelligent person.

    • Shailee Butalia says:

      He is. Bullying can either make you stronger or break you. I see him now as such as strong person, a lot of it probably due to what he went through. He chooses his fights but he knows what is worth fighting for. Thank you for reading!

  2. Corinne Rodrigues says:

    What a story, Shailee! I wonder why children are mean? Could it be ignorance or insecurity? Perhaps, both. I know Sikh boys in India too get teased a lot about turbans! 😦

    I love how your husband turned this into an opportunity to learn and thank God for the compassion of his teacher.

    Thank you for sharing.

    • Shailee Butalia says:

      I think it must be some sort of combination of both ignorance and insecurity that causes them to tease. I know plenty of adults even (including myself at times) that have to put others down in order to feel good about themselves. Hopefully, the new generation with all of its exposure is more educated and tolerant about others’ religious beliefs and practices. Thank you for reading!

  3. mariet@practicingnormal.com says:

    I was bullied as a child and it takes a really long time to get over it. I’m glad your husband could turn the experience into something positive. Thank you for sharing his story. Stopping by from Creative Bloggers.

  4. Yanique Chambers says:

    Wow, what an inspiring story. I’m glad your husband was able to overcome adversity and stay focused on what mattered to him. You tell his story beautifully by the way 🙂 #creativebloggersnetwork

  5. Agatha says:

    This is the 2nd time I am.reading this post because it is beautifully written. I ezperienced bullying when I was a child, and it was because I was a different race. It was tough but I found that it did not help to react with violence. Ignoring them was the best way for me.

    • Shailee Butalia says:

      Thank for reading again. I’m really glad you liked it! What worries me more than anything is how do I teach my child to deal with bullying. We can’t protect them as well out there. I’m hoping her dad’s story will help.

  6. Roshni says:

    Ha! Knowledge is power!! What a great ending and I’m so glad that at least teachers tried to help! It’s sad that he was bullied just because he was different, but isn’t that the excuse that so many bullies give?!

  7. kathyh says:

    A very inspiring tale! I’m sorry too that your husband had to go through such bullying, no child should have to tolerate that, and I hope that through these stories more people do learn the importance of compassion.

  8. Lisa @ The Meaning of Me says:

    NO bullying is acceptable, but when people go after one another for their cultural or religious background it really makes me angry. So sorry your husband had that experience, but I love the part about the computer teacher giving him someplace to be safe, comfortable, and call his own.

  9. Jane says:

    Thank you for sharing your husband’s story. Children can be so cruel, when faced with unfamiliarity. I’m so happy your husband was able to find his passion, despite the negativity.

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