One thing I learned pretty quickly once I had kids is that I was lucky I married my best friend. I was lucky our relationship was strong. I’ve heard stories where people thought that a child would save their already rocky relationship. Maybe that did happen for some but honestly, I don’t think that would have ever worked for me.
There is nothing like having children to really challenge every aspect of your relationship. The pure exhaustion of having to keep up with your kids plus keep up with your life and your job every day can cause resentment very easily. When our first kid was born, I remember being jealous of my husband because he was able to go to work and converse with adults for a part of the day. I would forget that then he would have to come home and take care of his child (and me, to some degree) as well.
In order to be able to see the other person’s point of view, you have to be able to love them, to be in love with them. You have to want them to be happy. And you have to be able to remember that when one of your kids is crying at 2 am for 3 hours straight because being tired makes you think crazy thoughts (thoughts such as you just want to sleep and if you can’t sleep, neither can your husband).
No matter how much you guys love each other, this phase is going to be challenging.
So make sure that you marry the person that can go through this with you. Make sure that you have open communication. Make sure that both of you can recognize what the other one needs and what is best for each other.
Like I said, I’m lucky I married my best friend because when I need him, he is there.