Things Are So Different Now

Things are so different now.

I remember being in my 20s. I worked, went to school, danced on teams, and went on trips. I remember sleep never being a priority and hanging out with friends being the #1 priority. I remember taking one random trip to Vegas in the midst of many planned trips to Vegas.

Things are so different now.

My day revolves around my kids’ schedules. Now our days are planned around their classes and play dates, their naps and meal times, and their bedtimes. Anything I want or need to do for myself has to be fitted in around these things.

I used to be able to hang out at my friends’ places for hours. Now if I try, I get reminded that if my kids are not comfortable, it’s probably not going to happen.

Before, if I could, I would be out. Anything I could go do, I would do it. Now, I would almost rather be at home. It’s easier. (Maybe it’ll get easier to go out with 2 kids once my second one is a little bit older but for now, it’s easier to manage the 2 at home.)

I remember one weekend where I partied Friday night and Saturday night and had full days of dance practices on Saturday and Sunday. That meant practically no sleep and being hungover. That meant a Monday at work that hurt.

Things are so different now. I would rather be home and well-rested. I’d rather be in bed by 10 with my significant other and watching tv.

I’m hoping that as my kids get older, I find a different balance than I had then and that I have now. Something a little more in between.

While I’m glad that things are different now, I don’t want them to change completely.

Raising 2

I heard having 2 kids is a game changer. I used to think raising one was hard. It was tiring and exhausting and I couldn’t believe how hard it was.

Yeah, now I just keep thinking how much having 1 kid was much easier than 2.

Because 2 demand your attention at the same exact same time. There is rarely any alone time or quiet time. There is rarely time for you to be able to eat, let alone shower or do anything else. And when you finally have that minute alone, there is a to-do list about a mile long of other things you have to get done.

It’s a little overwhelming.

But then, your older child comes and hugs your baby before she goes to school. She gives him a kiss because he was crying. Or your baby starts crying in solidarity with his big sister.

That bond is enough to make you realize that everything you go through is worth it. It might not get easier but as long as everyone keeps smiling together, it will all be okay.

This Is My Country Too.

My skin is brown. If someone saw me and didn’t talk to me, it is very possible they would think that I wasn’t from America.

But fact of life: I am from America. I was born here, I was raised here. I have spent as much time in India as any other given person who has gone on vacation to any other country.

So when people start talking about sending us back to where we came from, I wonder exactly where they think someone like me should go. If they think they could send me back to India, it’d be the same as if they were sent to the country of their ancestry.

I don’t know the systems there. I know how to go on vacation there.

My home is here. Everything is here. If you want to send me back to where I was born, it literally would be about an hour away from where I’m sitting right now.

America is my country. For those of you who can’t seem to get that we are a country of many different ethnicities, get over it.

No, We Are Not Getting Out of Our Country

There have been a few hate crimes recently  in the United States over the last few weeks regarding South Asian Indian Americans. We have been told to get out of our country to go back to wherever it is that these people think we are from.

Here’s the thing: we are in our country. There are a lot of us who were born and raised here or have immigrated here legally and are doing our part to support America. We are a part of the melting pot that is the United States.

Part of the problem is that we have been inactive in raising our voices against the hate that is occurring.

I wanted to share a video that talks about this a little bit further:

 

Being Creative

Almost every Indian can tell you that when you were growing up, you were encouraged to find a career in something stable. The idea was that if you were a doctor, engineer, or accountant, you wouldn’t have to struggle in your life. You were set and financially stable. It makes sense for that message to be passed down. A lot of our parents left their homes to find that stable, successful career. They gave up a lot to make sure their children wouldn’t ever feel like they couldn’t have everything.

But what about that creative side of us? What about those of us who are writers, dancers, artists, and musicians? Do we lock that side of us away?

And what about our souls? If all we do is focus on our left brain jobs, then what happens to our right brain?

I once had a job interview for an accounting position with a company. When I was offered the opportunity to ask the interviewer (who would have been my boss) questions, I asked her what she likes to do in her spare time. I asked her if she had any activities that she was passionate about outside of work. She actually said that she just did accounting and nothing else. Seriously??? I knew right then and there that this wasn’t the place for me. My previous boss supported my passion for dance and the show that we organized. She knew how much it meant to me and that it was good for me emotionally and mentally. Would this new boss have supported this part of me?

I’ve found that if I ignore my creative side for a little bit, it does affect me. There’s a happiness, a positive energy that comes out when I do use my creativity. I need it to balance out the rational, logical side of me. I do thrive on schedules and lists but I need the free-flowing side to make me whole. I’ve found that to be a consistent trait in the people I know. They have their stable jobs and then they are creative on the side. They get the best of both worlds.

What about you? What is your creative outlet?

It’s Not Their Fault Either

I saw a friend’s post on Facebook last night about reverse racism. She said that it’s not right because “as we all know- every race has racists”.

It’s easy as an Indian person to blame white people for the hateful shooting of an Indian man that happened in Kansas recently. It’s easy to blame white people for supporting Trump. It’s easy to blame white people for all of the fear that has arisen amongst people of different nationalities in the US.

We can’t blame all white people. I know when something terrible happens (and lately, it seems like something terrible is happening every day), it’s natural to feel that way. Even I feel that way sometimes. But it’s not right.

I think of all the awesome white people I know every time I do feel that way. I have one friend who literally posts her disgust every time there is something to be outraged about. I have friends who have never even seen the differences between us in a negative way. How many of us have white friends and coworkers who have done more to resist the negative things that have happened in this presidency than any of us Indians have?

How can we, as Indians, judge any race this way? I had a boyfriend a long time ago that had to break up with me because I wasn’t the same caste as him. We talk about Indians from other states in stereotypes all the time. All Gujaratis are cheap and all Punjabis drink a lot. How many of us have heard or said something like this? We all know people who don’t fit these ideas.

And how many times has the entire religion of Islam been blamed for the actions of a few? The Muslim friends I have are the most liberal and calm people I have ever known in my life. Yes, there are extremists but there are more regular, normal people who just want to live their lives like everyone else. They wake up, go to work, spend time with family and friends, and hang out.

As for voting for Trump, I also know a few Indian people who have done so. I no longer can socialize normally with them knowing that they voted for a man who condones hateful actions but that’s as far as it goes. There was a Hindus for Trump group. It makes me embarrassed to be Hindu and I’m hoping no one ever judges me based on this group.

I know it’s been a difficult time for the country and I’m hoping we come out of it soon. But we have to do it together.

 

I’m Terrified Because I’m Brown

I haven’t written too much about politics because every type of article is already being written.

I did write a previous post about the tolerance for racism and hate that our president has.

I wanted to write this one based on how I’ve been feeling.

And to be honest, I’ve been scared. I’m an Asian Indian American who was born in Southern California and have lived here all my life. Not once in my 35 years on this planet have I been worried about how I was treated because of my ethnicity. I know that I’ve been lucky. I have family that has felt racism based on their skin color. I either have been oblivious or around so many different ethnicities that there hasn’t been room for that feeling of being judged.

I remember the election day and feeling like so much was riding on it. I could see all the way through it that racist people were given a pass for acting the way they wanted. I remember feeling terrified because I was worried about hate crimes occurring as soon as that election day was done.

And they did. It made me scared to leave my house. I have small kids and I don’t want to ever have to think that I’m putting their lives at risk. It’s sad to think that even with living in one of most the liberal and ethnically mixed areas in the country, I continue to worry about the type of people who don’t want those of us with a different skin color or religion here. I can’t even imagine what I would do if I didn’t live in an area like Southern California.

My family and I went out to dinner last week. I’m hyper aware of my surroundings in general but even more so than usual now. An older Caucasian man who was eating with his family kept looking over at my husband. I saw this and I couldn’t even imagine what he was thinking. I don’t believe that anything would have happened but the idea that someone didn’t want us to be there for no good reason did bother me. When the family finished, he got up and came over with his wife and told my husband that he was doing a great job handling our baby while trying to eat simultaneously and to enjoy the time because the kids grow up fast. It turns out that he was admiring our family.

It’s moments like these that remind me that as much as things have changed, nothing everything or everyone has. It reminds me that most people are still good people. It reminds me that there is still hope that this country will be a better place than it is right now.

But I’ll be honest. I’m terrified of how much we are going to have to deal with before we get to that place.