I’ve probably written about this before but it’s a topic I’m going to revisit because I have been thinking about it lately.
I think I’ve always been the type of person who validates myself through my accomplishments. I know I’m worth something but it’s hard to get my heart to agree to that.
Now, as a stay-at-home mom, what do you judge yourself by? Getting your laundry done? Feeding your family? Making sure everything is done on time? Honestly, I’m not sure. They don’t seem like big goals to achieve (although, sometimes, it is a lot to get done). They don’t even seem like important goals to achieve even though your family’s life does depend on it. It’s probably worth more than I’m assigning importance to.
I do realize that I should probably figure out a way to accept myself as is. I’m not sure how to do that though. I like striving for things. It helps me feel like I’m improving myself and achieving something. Otherwise, I’m just standing still.
Being still is really difficult. Being still gives me too much time to criticize myself on what I am unable to do. Being still makes me think I’m worthless.
How do you get to a place where you feel valuable? It’s not a quantifiable measure. It’s completely internal. I don’t want to reflect my value off of other people because I went through my 20s doing that and it really sucked.
Maybe it’ll take until my 40s to really be able to validate myself by who I truly am. Maybe I’ll be able to see my worth based on me and not my accomplishments. Maybe it’ll get easier to see myself.