How Do We Accept Ourselves As We Are?

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I have this idealized image in my head about what a perfect person is like. And I have strived for so long to be that person in every aspect. Guess what happens? I fail. Not only once, but over and over again. And I take it hard and then criticize myself and really beat myself up for feeling like a failure. 

Is this realistic? Logically, I know it’s not. How do I accept myself as I am though? How do I make myself realize that I am a human being and bound to imperfection?

Where this idealistic image that we measure ourselves up to come from? Why do we feel this need to be perfect all the time? Why are we not allowed to feel and not allowed to break down? Why do we beat ourselves up for being disappointed that we couldn’t be perfect?

I’ve been working on this for a long time. I still don’t know why I have a hard time accepting myself. Most of us do our best to be good people. Most of us really try to enjoy our lives and be happy. So why do we have such a hard time understanding that being 120% all of the time is not humanly possible?

Maybe if we try to be perfect (and we succeed), no one has the opportunity to dislike us. No one can complain about us or find a reason to not be nice to us. Maybe, on the other side, being less than perfect provides people with a valid reason (at least according to our emotionally confused vision) for walking away from us. We can blame ourselves if a relationship doesn’t work out or if we have fights with our friends. 

I’m not sure how to battle this feeling of being less than perfect and becoming okay with it. I want to accept myself for who I am. And, to those who don’t like who I am, I want to tell them to get lost. How do we find that within ourselves? How do we find the strength to really show people who we actually are with no masks attached? 

 

The Power Struggle

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We live in a world of competition. From the time we are born, it’s all about where we fall compared to everyone else. It’s about how to get ahead and who earns more money and who gets the most credit in life.

But does that make us happy?

Whenever I have been in a power struggle or a competition, I feel miserable. I feel like I’m forcing myself to be someone I’m not. I like doing my best but because I want to and not because I feel like I have to prove something to others.

In the business world, it seems as though in order to succeed, you have to be in full control of everything. You can’t share information and you can’t be open and honest to move forward. I’m hoping this isn’t true because then, things becomes about the individual and not the company as a whole. I think the same thing applies for individuals and the community. The more we try to keep control over certain things, the more we hold back from growing something incredible. We have to trust that our belief and hard work will be noticed and understood.

I wonder if this power struggle comes from insecurity. Is it that we want to know for a fact that we have done something or achieved something? Is it that we need validation that we are important and mean something to someone somewhere? What makes us need such complete control over everything?

I don’t know about you but I’m tired of fighting for a place. I just want to do what I have a passion for and do my best at it. And if I’m lucky enough, it will make a difference in the world.

 

Following The Path We Are Meant To

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I had a conversation with a friend of mine after I had finished ranting yesterday. She is this amazing person who has changed her life to really follow her dreams and passions. She has found a way to see things with in a positive light no matter what happens. I messaged her yesterday with the hopes of finding the same type of peace I see in her. 

The discussion was interesting. It was about following the path we are meant to take. It revolved around the fact that we have these expectations that we set up for ourselves and when life doesn’t follow and achieve that expectation, we take it hard. We wonder why things aren’t working. 

I believe I honestly feel this intense struggle inside myself. I find that as soon as I make a decision that I’ve not been wanting to make because it’s a big risk or uncharted territory, I feel relieved. I feel like things make sense even if they are scary. 

Following the path we are meant to take means that we accept what life hands us and find a way to believe it will all turn out well. Acceptance will help us be at peace with our struggles and with ourselves. It will help us find a way to really be happy. 

Changing your thoughts and mindset is a big challenge. I have a tendency towards the negative. It’s something I will struggle with all of my life. It takes a lot of active thinking to really adjust my mind so I see the positive instead. 

But I want to see the world as a beautiful place. So I will learn. 

Yes, I’m Being a Hypocrite by Writing This Post

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I’ve been really pissed off lately. I was trying to figure out where all of this anger was coming from and I realized that a lot of it is watching the hypocritical behavior in others.

I want to be completely honest. I’m a hypocrite too. Especially for writing this particular entry. How can I judge someone else being hypocritical when this entire post is about not judging and not being hypocritical? I get angry at people for being who they are and being unforgiving and being self-centered. If I was truly not hypocritical, I wouldn’t do that. I would be more accepting and kind and really just more nice towards others. I’m just glad I’m aware enough to know that my opinion makes my whole post exactly what I’m trying to write about.

On that note, I know maybe 4 people in my life that are truly nice and kind towards other people, even if they have been wronged by them. These are the saints I know. Trust me, I’m not even close to being that kind of person no matter how much I’d love to be.

Anyways, back to the hypocritical people. There are people I have seen mistreated and judged and then I see those same people who have judged them doing the same types of things they are advising against. There are people who act like they know everyone and want be everyone’s friend yet I watch them fail at being someone’s friend when they needed to be there for that person. It’s ridiculous. Why is this happening? Why do people think they are allowed to be rude to others?

I am aware that I should be tactful and kind and nice to everyone. You know the saying “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say it at all.” It’s become hard for me to do that. If someone has wronged me, I have grown tired of holding my tongue and being kind and not saying anything. It’s not that I want to spread bad things about the person but if someone asks me if I know them and I have nothing nice to say, I’ve started saying it. The sad part is whatever I have said is the truth. It’s a consistent opinion. I know that doesn’t make it okay that I say anything but I have started to hate feeling guilty for telling the truth bluntly.

A friend of mine wrote a post in Facebook where he mentioned that people have stopped taking responsibility for their own behavior. 100% true. I feel like people have started feeling like they are entitled to everything. They are allowed to treat people however they want and if they are lucky, they are always around people who are much nicer than they themselves are and who won’t say anything.

How long will this go on? When are we allowed to be honest? When are we allowed to say that we have been treated badly?

Let me make one thing clear. I have treated others badly in my past (and probably in my present). Not necessarily on purpose but it has happened. And I’d like to think that I’m a big enough of a person to have apologized for my behavior when I realize that I have hurt someone or said something I shouldn’t have. Unfortunately, most of the time, I find apologizing a one way street. I know that I do it for my inner peace but I have watched so many people just assume that that meant that they were right and that really burns me.

I realize that this post was more of a rant but I feel as though I have started getting cynical because I’ve been around people that I can respect. I see more and more of this self-centered, hypocritical behavior and it makes me wonder how we as a community are ever going to get anywhere in life.

I’m calling out all of you that have been hypocrites at some point. Recognize that you are doing more damage to our community as a whole for having double standards. Recognize that no one is entitled and that everyone needs to be kinder and more accepting of others. Recognize that we all make mistakes and nothing makes you a better or stronger person that taking responsibility for those mistakes.

I apologize for being a hypocrite by judging those who are hypocrites.

To Be Free

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There are people who seem to glide through life just going with the flow. They seem so relaxed and nothing really seems to stress them out. This could be perception but I honestly believe there are people who really are able to just hang out and enjoy their experiences.

And there are some of us who stress at every turn, who let every little thing get to us, who are bothered by so many things. We can’t seem to relax and just enjoy the moment. We worry if things are going too fast or if things are going to slow. There isn’t a moment of peace for us. 

How do we achieve this peace? I know some suggestions are working out, yoga, meditation. It requires great discipline to be able to put your mind in the right place so that this is something is able to be achieved. But it’s a constant struggle. It definitely doesn’t come easy. 

Calming the mind, being free of your every day thoughts is a place that I strive to get to. It’s amazing how much power your thoughts have over your every day life. It affects your moods, your energy, your interactions with others, even your interaction with yourself. And it definitely affects your health. 

Positive thoughts are another challenge completely. To be able to really believe in the best of people and to be able to see the world as a beautiful place even when there are challenges is an amazing quality to have. 

Here’s a day dedicated to trying to free yourself from the confines of your mind. I want to try to just enjoy my surroundings and really admire the miracles that are occurring constantly in our world.

I want my mind to be free. 

I Have Insecurities…Do You?

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I know this is something none of us want to admit in public but most of us have insecurities. We put up this front, this cover so that no one will ever see the madness or the struggles that happen inside of our heads. 

I know I definitely do this. It’s surprising to me when I hear that people tell me that I seem so strong and confident because I know that on the inside, I feel anything but. 

Everyone goes through this. Again, I think it’s something we don’t talk about. There are very few people who don’t feel insecurity at some point. If you don’t, I’d love to know your secret so I can be in the same place. 

A lot of us feel it with regards to our significant other. How can we guarantee that that person will always love us unconditionally? A lot of us feel it about our careers, our friends, our place in the world. There are so many aspects and to always be sure of yourself in this ever-changing world is difficult. 

I think a sign of security is when you know and understand that things will change and are able to accept it. We can’t control much in the world but we can control our reactions and our strength to deal with it. I have to remind myself all of the time that I have been through a lot of hard times and somehow, I keep going. And even though it doesn’t always feel like it, things have come out for the better. 

At this moment, I am going through a lot of insecurity due to a lot of transitional phases in my life happening all at once. But I just keep thinking that eventually, it will all make sense and I will feel that I am right where I am supposed to be. That’s where I always was. 

When There is Only 1 Person in a Couple

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I’ve noticed something that keeps occurring over and over again and I wanted to bring it up. I don’t think it’s just me who has noticed it because I’ve heard comments about it coming from others. 

Have you ever noticed that sometimes there is only 1 person in a couple when they are in public? I honestly have no idea about any couple’s private life so I don’t want to assume anything. I was just wondering when a couple goes out, all you see is one person whom the focus completely seems to be on. 

I think the times that this really seems obvious to most people who have mentioned this to me are at weddings. You see the bride and groom separated for most of the night. You would think that out of all the days in time, this would be the one day to be with your new spouse. But then again, this would refer back to one of my previous posts about some people being more interested in the wedding than the marriage. 

Why is this? Why is it that we seem to forget that the other person exists when it comes to being out with others. I understand that we spend a lot of time with our significant others and so when there are other people, we want to socialize with them. But why does it seem that it’s to the point where you don’t even see the couple interact at all? 

I honestly can’t make a judgment on this because I think, in order to make a fair assessment, you would have to know the couple’s dynamics and really know why and how they function. Maybe it’s a completely functional and good relationship and this is just how they work when they go out. 

It is curious to me though. So, if anyone has an explanation, I’d love to hear it. 

Depression

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Yes, it’s real. And yes, it can happen to anyone. 

Depression is one of those things that unless you’ve been through it or know someone who has, it’s hard to understand. Someone may look like they have everything but sometimes, it’s not about that at all. Whether it’s based on a chemical imbalance or life circumstances, depression is one of the hardest things to battle. It’s especially difficult because it doesn’t have physical symptoms. It’s hard to see. And it’s really not all that hard to hide. 

I don’t want to discuss the hows and whys someone falls into depression. My bigger concern is how does one get out of depression. 

Have you ever gotten into a fight with someone? And no matter what, that person wouldn’t listen to anything you had to say? Depression is like that. Only you’re fighting yourself. You sit and tell yourself that there is no reason to feel like this, that everything is going well, that you are loved by many. Yet, for whatever reason, it’s hard for you to understand those exact words. It’s hard to feel okay. 

And it’s okay. It’s okay to be depressed. I think the first step to getting past it is to admit that you’re going through it. And I know that that is a really difficult thing to do. I have a hard time admitting it because I don’t want to ever feel like a failure. And being depressed especially when I know things are good or that I’m making moves in the right direction still makes me feel like a failure. 

I’m a big advocate for therapy. I think that that is the next step. 

Another thing that can be done is reaching out to people who will understand. If you know someone or have friends who you know understand these feelings or have training in the mental health field, reach out. It’s hard because when you’re depressed, it is really hard to reach out to anyone. You want to go under a bed and disappear. But getting help is really important to getting out of this state of mind. Knowing you aren’t fighting the battle alone is important. 

Depression. It sucks. But it is possibly to get past it. I have before. 

When Someone Tries to Change You….

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Have you ever met someone who told you you were perfect? And then proceeded to tell you what you could be doing differently?

I’m going to be blunt. In my honest opinion, you should be able to wear your pajamas and your significant other should think you look great.

There are people who see personalities and people who just see looks.

For those of you who see personalities, have you ever noticed that someone becomes more beautiful or good-looking the more you like them and for those people who you don’t like, no matter how attractive they are, all you see are the flaws?

For those of you who see looks, I always wonder what will happen after the looks fade. I don’t think anyone gets uglier but we do all get older. Our priorities change. A woman has a child and might not have the same body she had before. So does that make her any less beautiful?

Being with someone that wants you to look perfect all the time is a lot of pressure. Unless you like looking like that all the time (but then, you’re doing it for yourself, not someone else). So what happens if you don’t look perfect? Will that person still be interested?

Be yourself. The right person will like you. If they start trying to change something about you at any point (and I’m not talking about the regular compromise that comes with relationship, I’m talking about compromising yourself for the relationship), then it’s a red flag. You have to be yourself first in order to be with someone who is right for you.

Taking On Too Much Responsibility

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Being a good Indian kid means that you’re responsible for everything, right? If the family needs something, you’re the one who will handle it. If your friends needs something, you’re the one who goes out of their way. If your work needs something, well, we’ll live at the office, right?

Hold on. This life sounds stressful and very unfulfilling. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to help others out. I think it’s a great thing. But what if it gets to the point where it’s just unrealistic? What if it gets to the point where you resent the people asking you for things and don’t even want to talk to them anymore?

What if it gets to the point where you don’t recognize yourself and you don’t know how to make yourself happy anymore?

I think there are a lot of people who take on too much responsibility. We sit there and try to do things because we feel like we should. We feel guilty putting ourselves and our health first. We need to learn to let things go and let others take care of themselves.

I used to get stressed out because a friend of mine had a lot of problems with his own family. I used to take that stress onto myself and try to find a solution to help him. The end result would be that nothing would change because he himself didn’t want to change anything. I had to learn to step away from that situation. I could be there as a friend and listen and offer my advice but that was it. It was not my responsibility to fix his relationships. It was my responsibility to be a good friend and be there when he needed me.

It’s hard to let go sometimes because we feel like we should be helping when someone needs it. But what if they don’t need it? What if they just choose not to do it and that leaves you feeling like you should be taking care of what they are responsible for? My sister just came to me and asked me to take a look at her resume so she can start looking for jobs. I accept that as something I would want to do for her. But if she needs to find a job and expects me to find it for her, then it’s a sign that I need to step away from the situation. It is clearly her responsibility and while I have no problem helping, I do not want to baby her and handle it for her.

This is just one example (and she just asked me to take a look at her resume; she wouldn’t ask me to find her a job) but I see similar occurrences in different places.

We need to learn where our responsibility and willingness to help starts and stops. Otherwise, we’ll drive ourselves crazy. Who would we be able to help then?