Today, I want to hear from you.
What would you change about the world? Anything goes.
How Do You Treat Others?
You know, I once read somewhere that you can’t expect people to change. You have to change and people will change in response to that. (That is, if they are capable of changing.)
I saw a post on Facebook recently where someone was venting out their feelings about how others treated them. My thoughts immediately went to how I was treated by that person and it’s sad to say but it seems like, finally, that person could see that it really just sucked to be treated like that.
Nobody is entitled. We all have to respect others to be treated with respect. And sometimes, even if we do treat others with respect, we still might not be treated nicely. I know there have been times where I haven’t been the best person but I try to acknowledge that mistake and apologize. It doesn’t mean I get an apology in return or that the people I am dealing with will respect the fact that I acknowledged that I was wrong.
That whole saying that “Treat others how you would want to be treated” is so true. But can I just say that it really sucks when you do it and the other side doesn’t adhere to the same policy? I honestly can say that that is one of the most frustrating things for me. I wish everyone played by the same rules.
How many of you believe in karma? The idea of “what goes around comes around”? I want to but then, I feel guilty wishing harm on anyone else even though I probably had to deal with being hurt at some point because of them. But, sometimes, that’s the only way we can get through it.
I’m sure a lot of the negative treatment is based on the selfishness, greed, and really, just plain insecurities. And it’s definitely interesting to see if the other person is even aware of what they are doing. Do they do it deliberately or is it just instinctive? Is this what they do to survive?
I hope to be someone who can be in control of my reactions to however I am treated. I hope to be able to treat others in a good way. And I hope that that gets me the respect I want to have.
Love Who We Want
Yesterday, I wrote about a teacher who was fired from my Catholic high school for marrying his partner of 10 years.
Today, I want to hit a little bit closer to home with my culture regarding a similar issue. How free are we, as Indians, to love who we want? Is it possible to be with or even marry the person we want if they don’t fit into what our culture dictates is right for us? How much pressure do we even put on ourselves to fit into what we think is right?
I’ve learned the hard way that what is right on paper isn’t what is right for me. But I had to go through a pretty big self-inflicted struggle to understand this.
Even if we never hear anything from our parents or family about who we should end up marrying, there is this idea that we should end up with someone who is the same ethnicity and religion as we are. They should be equally matched in every way: looks, education, financially. And even if the pressure isn’t directly put onto us by someone else, we put that same pressure on ourselves. We want the approval of our community. And to get that approval, we have to fit into the mold that was shaped out for us and has been shaped out for us for decades or maybe even centuries.
So what happens when we fall in love with someone outside of this mold? What happens when we realize that a relationship goes past the education and the looks and the families getting along? What happens when we realize that there is so many other aspects to consider that have nothing to do with what we have been taught?
I have seen it go both ways. I have seen couples split up because one or the other isn’t approved by their family. Instead of fighting for their love, they choose their family and sacrifice their relationship. I have seen couples stay together and try to make their families understand their relationship.
So it’s a choice. It’s always a choice. Unfortunately, we can’t control the idea of what the perfect relationship looks like. But we can control how we react to the opinions of our relationship. There are still going to be times when the world won’t agree with a relationship. Is it worth it to fight for it? Or is it something that should be given up because it’s not “right”?
Should we love who we want? Or should we love who the world says we should?
Fired for Being Who He Was
Today, a lot of alumni from my high school are gathering to support one of the teachers at the high school that was fired. Let me explain the background.
I went to an all-girls high school. It was Catholic and run by the nuns that lived on the property. It had the usual: uniforms, masses, classes on religion. How does that make a Hindu girl feel, especially when I was in the minority? Actually, I never felt out of place. This school was pretty tolerant of those that were not Catholic. We were never made to feel different. We had to attend everything, of course, but I do remember one specific idea that was presented in one of my religion classes. It was that every religion has the same 5 basic principles so we aren’t all that different from each other. I remember also being asked to stand up in front of the whole school and say something about friendship in Hindi during Thanksgiving Mass. I was proud of my culture and I was allowed to share it. I actually wore a sari to my prom which when I went to prom was something that most people had not seen before.
A few weeks ago, I saw an article that a former classmate had posted on Facebook. It was about a teacher from his job at a high school getting fired because he got married to his partner of 10 years. Turns out it was my school. There was already a movement in place to get him reinstated that was orchestrated by former students of his. I signed the petition and expressed my surprise at the intolerance of my high school, especially when I had remembered it to be otherwise.
This is not a teacher I had learned under when I was in school. He was present but our paths never really crossed. From what it sounds like when I read his other students’ stories that he was a greatly influential and well-respected teacher. It’s been amazing to watch people come together to support this cause. It’s remarkable to know that a man who just did his job by supporting his students is now being supported by his students.
It’s embarrassing to know that my high school could show this type of intolerance. I’m glad that someone took a stand. Their petition has reached a lot of people and I believe they have a march tonight at the high school to show their support.
It’s about time that those who aren’t tolerant come into the 21st century.
If you would like to show your support, attached is a link to the petition.
Be Present In The Present
I turned 38 this past week. It’s not a huge milestone but 37 was a little bit rough on me so I’m glad to have this chance for things to move forward. I’m hoping that I can do a completely reset so that I have a chance to enjoy everything I have and not keeping worrying about the things that aren’t in my control.
It’s so hard not to look into the future and just be in the present. Anxiety, stress, panic attacks. These are all things that affect the way we live and contribute to our overall health and well-being. As soon as I take care of one task, my mind starts worrying about the next thing that needs to be done. There’s never a moment off, a moment to relax.
It’s my fault. I put this on myself even when I don’t need to. How do people manage stress in their daily lives? How do you not let the every day affect you in a negative way? How do you find a way to trust that everything will always work out?
There are people in this world that seem to always be able to go with the flow. They are able to quiet their minds and breathe and be here. They seem to find beauty in everything around us. They seem to be able to not stress or worry about the things that are currently happening elsewhere.
I think a part of the problem is that we are always looking at our phones and trying to see what is going on everywhere else. I think that we have started to do it so automatically that we don’t even notice that we are doing it anymore. It might be time to put my screen down and force myself to be in the moment. It might be time to not have to rely on my screen for entertainment. It might be time to be able to look up and really see what is happening in the world around us.
I think it takes an active effort to stop looking towards the future and really try to find the things here and now that bring us joy. Find the things that really make us feel good here. Find the things that inspire you to bring out the best you.
The Past and Its Results: Our Present
I started reading the autobiography that my grandfather has written about his life. I’ve barely gotten to the part where he is in medical school so I definitely have a lot more left to go considering that he is 92 years old.
I’m so amazed at what his life so far has been like. To live through all sorts of history that I’ve only heard about. And even so, growing up here in America, not really heard about as well. He survived a bombing in Rangoon, Burma (now Yangon, Myanmar) during World War II when the Japanese invaded and had to go back to India even though he had spent a lot of his childhood in Rangoon. His father actually had to walk back to India because there was no other modes of transportation that were working due to the air raids by Japan.
I haven’t even gotten to the part where India becomes an independent country yet. I’m curious because I do know my grandparents did meet Mahatma Gandhi so I really wonder what their story is. I don’t know if they will be far-removed from everything or if they were right in the middle of what was going on.
Last week, I wrote a post about how many parents left the country they grew up in and found themselves in a new country only for the opportunities available to them at the time. Today, I’m reading about this history that my grandfather has gone through. I’m now waiting to hopefully read about the history that my father-in-law has lived through being a member of the Indian army.
This is what our ancestors have gone through to get to where we are today. Our problems don’t really seem as complex or terrifying as what our families have been through in the past. In fact, on the other hand, it seems like they have gone through their struggles without complaining or feeling sorry for themselves.
It definitely puts into perspective what we go through on a daily basis. Most of us are extremely lucky wherever we are because we don’t have this struggle of survival. We have the right and the opportunity to choose what we want out of life. I’ve been reading a lot of history in general lately and it seems as though this right to make our own choices has been something most cultures have struggled with for centuries before it was given. I think some cultures are still going through this struggle now.
Time changes things. It has happened before and it will continue to happen. Eventually, we will all have our effect on the world somehow. I think our generation will change the world in terms of social consciousness, communication, and technology. It will be a different type of change.
I look forward to contributing to it.
Change How It Is
Are you the best person you can be? I’m not. I’m not nice to everyone, I don’t respect everyone, and I probably don’t even like everyone. What is it with us? Why is it so hard for us to appreciate the differences that everyone has and celebrate them instead of judging them and putting them down?
I don’t know what the root cause of this is. Is it so that we feel better if we put someone else down? I’m sure there is a pattern to be found in who you treat how and why. I know that we don’t always click with everyone so it’s hard to build a relationship with them but that doesn’t give us the right to talk badly about them.
I know a lot of us gossip. We talk about people we don’t like behind their backs. I don’t think we do this with the same nature as if it was our friends. We give our friends more credit. We try to understand them. We allow for their mistakes. But we don’t do this for everyone in general. Most people do deserve better than what we give them. Most people are just people and things happen and there is usually a reason behind it.
It’s the lack of appreciation for differences and the insecurities we have about ourselves that really cause a breakdown in communities. Think how amazing the world would be if there was more trust, more understanding, less selfishness. Isn’t that why we even get into a relationship? To share those things with someone else? So is it completely impossible to have this attitude towards the general public? I’m sure most of us have had some bad experiences in the past which definitely give support to not trusting everyone but are we able to let this go and really just focus on the good things that make us better as people?
I want to be able to see the world as a good place and the people in it as the positive force. It’s time to change my view.
Do You Want to be Realistic or Do You Want to Dream?
I want to dream. I wish I could get my mind to dream more than be overly logical like it is prone to do. I honestly do believe that people with big dreams make things happen in this world.
We all dreamed more when we were younger. So what happened to that? When we were younger, we had vivid, crazy, imaginative dreams that never seemed unrealistic. We were not limited by anything. And now, at our current ages, we have learned to live in reality.
I was trying to figure out the difference between myself at the age of 16 and now and honestly, it’s that I’ve stopped dreaming. It’s not that I don’t want more for myself. I just don’t daydream about things like I used to. It’s probably because I can send myself into reality too easily and can find ways to counteract the dream practically.
I don’t want to do that. I want to let my imagination run wild and really use it to find what I want in life. I want to feel that feeling of achievement again. I have before and it was great. But once you have achieved your dreams, you have to find new dreams. That’s the difficult part. Most of us dreamed about our lives now when we were 16. What happens when you reach your 30s and those dreams have been realized?
Half the fun of having a dream is actually just imagining what it will be like to get there. That’s what motivates you. That’s what keeps you moving forward every day. It’s important to have ever evolving dreams so that you can continue to progress in life.
We should definitely enjoy our present. But we should also be able to dream about our future without any restrictions. So how do we get back to that phase in our lives where we can dream unconditionally?
The Good Old Days
Last night, I got to see some of my friends that I grew up. I always love it when I get to see them because there is some sort of bond with them, even if we haven’t gone through a lot of life together. I, especially, was a little bit older than most of them so I went through college and life at a different time and place.
When I have to describe the family I grew up with, these are the people who I see. I have family in the US but unfortunately, they are all living on the East Coast so I don’t get to see them often at all. Luckily, my parents had a very strong social group so I had my own family growing up here with me.
It gets me thinking though. A lot of our parents moved here to this country with no family. They only had the friends that either came with them or even a bit after them. Those friends became their family. Otherwise, it’s not like our parents had their parents around that they could go running to when things got tough. A lot of them came at the age of 24-25, maybe even younger than that. Can you imagine moving to a foreign country with just someone you had married maybe less than a year before? Can you imagine moving and the technology isn’t what it is today? You had no connection to your former life, at least not on a regular basis.
Our parents had a type of courage that I can’t even imagine. I know there are days when I just want my mom and I call her or text her or just go home and be around my childhood familiarity and comforts. Our parents didn’t have that option. It was really an all or nothing situation. And most of them survived and did well.
I’m glad to know though that in this time of growing that they did have their friends that moved over here with them. Some of these friendships survived the test of time, some of them didn’t. But these were the people that became their family. They were the ones we called when we had good news or when we had bad news. They were the ones that would come running when we needed them. They were the ones who we would fight with and yet, somehow still remain friends.
I am glad that those of us born to this group of people have been able to grow up together and truly remain friends as well. These are the people that are my family because they’ve known me in a way that most people will never know me. Even through the times we had all grown apart and now through the times that we get to spend together, it’s been an amazing experience.
This post is dedicated to the children of the junior group. Thank you for being there.
Think for Yourself
One thing that has been bothering me a lot lately is when people don’t think for themselves. I honestly believe that most people are intelligent and really can figure things out but they have to take the time and effort to make it happen. Some people who always look to the next person for the answers instead of working something out for themselves.
On the same note, the word “can’t” really gets to me. There really is no “can’t” in life. There is fear, there is laziness, there is plain ignorance. But there is no “can’t”. This is speaking from my very limited world view. There is always the chance that there are situations where the word “can’t” has a very real application but from my sight, with what I know and have exposure to, the word doesn’t apply.
So why is this? I understand being burnt out which can lead you to a lack of motivation. But, if that’s not the case, why do we assume that we have the right to be given the solutions to problems? Why can’t we try to figure the solutions out for ourselves? Isn’t there some sort of accomplishment when it does happen?
I honestly don’t understand. I know that I get lazy sometimes and want the answers easily then but most of the time, that’s not the case. I don’t want someone else to look at me like I am unable to figure something out. I want to feel empowered, like I have the ability to make things happen. I don’t believe this is a unique situation. I was under the impression that most people felt this way. But recently, it seems like I keep meeting people that want to find the easy path. I’m not saying to make things more difficult for yourself. I’m saying find a way to figure things out for yourself so that you aren’t dependent on someone else for the solution to something.
If anyone can explain this to me, it would be much appreciated.
Who We Are Today 