Tag: happy

A Letter To My Child

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To my baby,

I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe you’re here. I’ve been waiting for you for a long time. Your father and I had to go through a lot before you came but you’re here now. Our perfect little baby.

I finally know what it means to watch my heart walking around outside of my body. The first week or so, one of us had to stay awake while you slept because we wanted to make sure you were okay.  I didn’t know then what I know now,  that you are tougher than you look. But I still always worry when you’re not smiling at me. I still wake up at least 3 times a night to make sure you’re doing fine.

It’s been tough.  We are learning each other and teaching each other at the same time. There are days I’m completely frustrated and exhausted but then, you do something new that I’ve never seen before and forget everything and am in awe again.

I love to fact that you do smile at me now. It feels like you know who I am, even though I’m not sure if you do. I can’t wait to share more with you. I want to laugh with you, dance with you, live with you. I want to teach you everything I’ve learned so you don’t make the same mistakes. I want you to see the world in the best light possible. I want you to always be happy.

I can’t believe I’m writing this letter to you. I hope you get to read it some day. For now, I’ll settle for you being the love of my life. Thank you for coming to us.

Competition

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Does it feel like sometimes life is a competition? We want to be the first to graduate, first to be a success in our career, first to get married, first to have kids. Then, we will probably repeat this cycle with the next generation as well.

What makes us so competitive? Why don’t we live our life according to our own timeline, to our own standards? Why do we feel like we have to win something by being first?

It’s difficult to accept sometimes that we are right where we are supposed to be. The reason we haven’t reached a certain milestone in our lives is because we weren’t meant to be there quite yet.

I honestly believe that everything has a reason and sometimes, we can’t see that reason until later. Hindsight is definitely a lot clearer than the present.

Everything around us dictates competition. We are in a world that teaches us that we have to go against each other so that we can be number one in something. Why can’t we be satisfied in achieving what we want to achieve and then being at peace with that?

It’s okay not to be the best (at least what the world considers the best). It’s okay to be happy with yourself as you are. It’s okay to know what you look to achieve in life and once you have reached that goal, it’s good to be satisfied with what you have achieved.

Be happy with where you are in life. It’s definitely more fun than always being competitive.

Tired of Politics

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Everything is about politics. You have to play one game to offset another game. You have to give something to get something.

Politics sucks. It sucks in our daily lives, it sucks in our careers, it sucks in our fun projects.

I’m tired of politics. I’m tired of mind games. I’m tired of having to be careful of what I say or do.

I think I’d honestly rather get taken advantage of than try to protect something from someone with political ambitions. I want to be able to do things cleanly and with a pure heart. I know. It sounds idealistic.

I have no desire to take over the world. I have no desire to put others out of business. I really just want to be able to share everything with everyone and be happy doing it.

So…politics. Why? Why are there games? Why do we have to fight and compete to be noticed?

My husband was telling me about this photographer who works on all of these famous tv shows. The man just does what he does. And because his passion and love for his work is there, he is good at what he does and well-respected.

Fighting and competing wears you out. How long can we keep doing this? How long can we fight?

I have been reading these series of books that take place in this little town where everyone is like family. Everyone takes care of one another and going the extra mile for someone that lives in that town is no big deal. I want to live in a place like this. I realize LA is a little big to know everyone. But it’s still small enough that we have the ability to really build a community. Every person that’s happy and take care of is a benefit to our community.

Helping others succeed is a unique concept. It’s hard. We are built to want to be the first person. We want to be the ones who win. We forget that we can succeed together. And the best way to move forward is together.

Learning How To Be Truly Happy For Someone Else

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Reality check. As much as we would all love to be completely selfless and really be happy for someone else’s success, we aren’t. Most of us get jealous. Most of us envy. Most of us can show an outward happy face and continue to think “why not me?”.

It’s okay. It’s human. We all do this. And then we feel bad for feeling that way. We should feel just happiness for those we love, shouldn’t we? Then, why do we do this?

We are programmed for survival of the fittest. We are competitive. We want to win. And when we don’t, we feel bad for ourselves and that infringes on our happiness for someone else.

So how do we get past it?

It requires changing the way you react to things, the way you think about things. You might have to review your initial reaction and really try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. You might have to fake it until the reaction is real. The last thing you would want is for someone to bring you down when you’re on top of the world. So why would you want to do that to someone else?

And it really means something to others when you show happiness for their accomplishments. Even if its hard to see, you, as a friend, significant other, family, helped in this achievement by supporting them through their path. Know this. It will help. 

And when we can truly be happy for someone else, we have achieved something great as well. 

Expectations vs. Reality

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We grow up watching fairy tales and Hindi movies. Is there anything more that could make us think that once we fall in love, everything will be magical? It’ll be flowers and surprises and pure romance.

And while this is a great thing to hope for, it’s probably not what reality is.

Let’s put it this way. Is it possible for anyone to keep up the romance every single day over the course of a relationship? I couldn’t do it. I’m pretty sure most people can’t.

The best thing you can do for yourself when you start a relationship is be realistic. And when I say realistic, I don’t mean pessimistic. I mean realistic.

Expectations are one of the things that gets us into a lot of trouble when we start dating someone. I expect everything from the person that I am with. How fair is that?

I’ve learned the hard way that it’s not my significant other’s job to make me happy. It’s my job to make myself happy. Our relationship is meant to provide each other with love and mutual support. And I’m grateful for everything he does for me because I know he doesn’t have to.

The second we stop expecting everything from our significant others, the more we’ll appreciate the things they do for us because we know then it’s out of their love and not because they have to.

Marriage is the start…not the end

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So you just had the biggest day of your life and now you’ll live happily ever after, right?

Wrong.

It takes some time to get to the marriage point for some people. For some people, it doesn’t. But for everyone, it’s work after marriage. I haven’t met a couple that doesn’t require work to keep their marriage happy and successful.

The hardest part I think is learning to let go of your ego. The end goal is to be happy with the person and really progress together through life. Fights aren’t always worth being right. It’s really about choosing your battles.

We grow up in life learning to protect ourselves from the world. We learn to be tough and invincible so no one can hurt us.  No one warns us that that isn’t what works in marriage though. Part of being married is being vulnerable. It’s letting your guard down and accepting that you may not always be right. It’s accepting that sometimes even if you are right, you may have to let it go to move forward.

It’s hard not to fight and not to let things get under our skin. But what’s more important: being right all of the time or having a marriage that makes us happy?

This doesn’t mean to not address the problems. But believing that your significant other doesn’t have your best interest at heart is a problem. If you start with trust, it’ll be easier to get past the issues that come up. And trust me, a lot of issues always come up. Life happens. Finances, families, life curves. And if you have a strong partnership, it makes it so much easier to get through the tough times.

Marriage is hard work. That’s undeniable.

In the end, you just have to figure out how to work with the person that you have chosen to be your life partner. And that’s the start of a happy marriage.

The Power Struggle

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We live in a world of competition. From the time we are born, it’s all about where we fall compared to everyone else. It’s about how to get ahead and who earns more money and who gets the most credit in life.

But does that make us happy?

Whenever I have been in a power struggle or a competition, I feel miserable. I feel like I’m forcing myself to be someone I’m not. I like doing my best but because I want to and not because I feel like I have to prove something to others.

In the business world, it seems as though in order to succeed, you have to be in full control of everything. You can’t share information and you can’t be open and honest to move forward. I’m hoping this isn’t true because then, things becomes about the individual and not the company as a whole. I think the same thing applies for individuals and the community. The more we try to keep control over certain things, the more we hold back from growing something incredible. We have to trust that our belief and hard work will be noticed and understood.

I wonder if this power struggle comes from insecurity. Is it that we want to know for a fact that we have done something or achieved something? Is it that we need validation that we are important and mean something to someone somewhere? What makes us need such complete control over everything?

I don’t know about you but I’m tired of fighting for a place. I just want to do what I have a passion for and do my best at it. And if I’m lucky enough, it will make a difference in the world.

 

Changes continued…..

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I don’t have it in me to write today. Just overall tired from life and daily stresses. Tired of long task lists and deadlines to get them all done in.

Sometimes, I wish we had summer vacations again. Some time where we didn’t have responsibilities. Some time to really just do what we want, no matter how productive or unproductive the activities we choose are. Am I the only person who really feels like laziness sometimes is a good thing?

We rush through life, trying to get check marks on all of our tasks, and we forget that this is the only life we have. We can either go through everything and have a big check as the final result or we could potentially learn how to enjoy our life so that the final result is a jumble of good memories.

Even though I can’t always practice what I preach, I really would like to focus more on slowing down life so that every moment is really appreciated for what it is.

So, today, I don’t have any great insight for you. I just want to say that I will try to enjoy today and I hope the rest of you have a good day as well.

The Indian Kid Mentality

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Have you ever really wanted to do something but have trouble doing it without feeling guilty about it? If it’s for pure fun or maybe not the most logical, practical choice, the feelings of “why am I putting myself first?” manifest themselves inside you and then there is the famous tug of war between what we want and what we should do. Is it possible to be selfish for the good of ourselves when our conscience is in constant overdrive? Or is that just the voice of the Indian culture?

This idea of duty and responsibility is something I know I’ve dealt with and put on myself throughout my entire life. I don’t know how I came to think that way instead of doing what I wanted but it definitely was my own mind that put that pressure on me. My own ideas of what I thought I was supposed to be doing caused me to make the decisions that I make.

Until I get to that point where I realize that this isn’t what is making me happy. And that gets to a point where I know I need to make a change or I’ll be miserable.

So let’s discuss the “Indian kid mentality” as my friend called it yesterday. Why do we stick to certain things even if they don’t make us happy? I understand we are raised by a generation where they risked a lot to come to America and create a stable and opportunity filled life for us. Aren’t we obligated to take the next step and really try to make it a happy life? There are those that did break out of the standard but the majority of us still stuck to stability as our main driving force. What is it about quitting or ending something or changing something that scares us half to death? I even question myself before buying something that might be a little bit more expensive than normal.

Can anyone explain how we can really start listening to ourselves instead of pushing ourselves to the point of misery?

Who wants to play the victim?

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I want you to be really honest with yourself. How many times have you played the victim on something just to get attention or empathy? 

I think most of us do from time to time, especially when we don’t feel like we get the acknowledgment for our efforts. We shout out the things we do. We play up how bad we feel about something. On any given day, these are things that we might not say or do but today, something made us feel like no one was paying attention to the effort we put into life, our jobs, our relationships. 

Playing the victim isn’t something that has to be extreme. It could be as simple as saying “I had so much to do today”. Translation: “My life is busier than yours so please appreciate that I made the time to see/talk/listen to you.” I know that this isn’t always the case. Sometimes, saying that you had a lot to do today is really just that. You had a lot to do today. But sometimes, maybe it’s not the case. Maybe it’s really a way to seek some acknowledgement for your effort in whatever it is you’re doing. 

Think about it this way as well. There is one day where you get to go do something you’ve always wanted to do and you’re really excited. There is another day where you have to fulfill some obligation that isn’t the top of your priority list. What are the chances the same exact cold will make you feel worse the day you have to do something you don’t want to do whereas you’ll survive fine the day you get to do something fun?

Another way I’ve watched people play the victim (or done it myself) is where they silently martyr through something they don’t want to do so they can resent someone for having to do it and then later, throw it back at them. That sounds healthy, doesn’t it? Especially when you add in years of being friends or living together. I see this a lot in marriages in our Indian culture. Why be unhappy when we can find a way to make ourselves happy? Maybe we should one day explore that idea of it’s easier to be unhappy than to be happy. But we’ll save that for another day.  

And then comes the day where playing the victim doesn’t sound like much fun. There are 2 ways to get attention: play the victim or just be interesting while living your own life. That’s when I decide that I’d rather find a way to be happy in my own life and not worry about attention at all. There have been a few months recently where playing the victim was all I could do. Then, recently, I decided that this way wasn’t going to work for me. I am now working on ways to enjoy myself regardless of everyone else. 

This doesn’t mean I don’t fall back into a pattern that I’ve seen so much throughout my life. I do. But awareness is the first step to solving a problem. And one of the goals of life is to be happy throughout the journey as well as at the destination. So I will take that first step.