Tag: people

See Your Phone? Put It Away!

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15 years ago, if you went to a social event and you didn’t know anyone there, you had 2 choices: you could either try to make friends or you could sit in a corner and be by yourself. Now, you have a third option: you can sit by yourself with your phone out.

Have you noticed that people seem to be beyond addicted to their phones? I went to a social event recently and even though all of us don’t see each other that often, there were a few people around the table still on their phones. There’s definitely a range of what they could have been doing. I’ve seen people sitting on their phones in a social setting and playing games, texting other people, or just surfing the internet.

I’m not saying it’s the end of the world but honestly, doesn’t it worry you just a little bit? I want my kid to learn how to talk to people. I think a lot of us developed the ability to be social because we didn’t have the phone as a crutch when we were growing up. Now it seems that it’s used as a distraction in all cases.

You see it all the time. How many of you have seen 2 people sitting at a table at a restaurant and both have their phones in their hands and neither is talking to the other? I have had people talk to me but, at the same time, have an ongoing text conversation with someone else.

What’s going to happen if you don’t look at your phone for a few hours? We used to get by without having constant access to the outside world all the time. If something wasn’t happening in the exact location we were at, we didn’t know about it. Is that so bad? Why are we so scared of missing out on what’s going on somewhere else?

Also, why is what’s going on somewhere else more important than talking to the person that is sitting across from you? Why is it more interesting? The funny thing is that we could be with that other person and we’d be sitting on the phone talking to someone entirely different. Sometimes, I don’t even feel like talking to someone who seems to be more interested in their phone/text/social media conversations than in speaking with a real, live, present person.

There was one time I had gone on a vacation with my family. I was so tired of dealing with the outside world that I decided that I wanted to live in the moment. In order to accomplish that, I decided to leave my phone in our hotel room. It was liberating to not be so attached to something. I was able to really focus on hanging out with my family.

I know we all need our phones. I have a kid. I like to be in touch when I’m not with her just in case she needs me. But I do want to be able to put my phone away when I’m with other people and don’t need to necessarily be in touch with someone that isn’t present. I want to be able to focus on the moment at hand. I want to be present and be able to socialize with the people that are right there next to me.

Can you do it? Can you put your phone away and not look at it for a few hours? Can you break the addiction?

Small Talk

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We’re Indian. Which means that even if we don’t know someone, we kind of sort of know them. So when we run into them at social events, we have to make small talk. It’s how we socialize. It’s how we get to know people. And it’s how we make sure that it’s not awkward when we see them again.

I spent a 30 minute ride home with a family friend who I’ve known my whole life in almost complete silence. Her daughters are really good friends of mine so I asked how they were doing. And that was the end of our conversation. We just had nothing to talk about. I couldn’t even think of what to say so I just sat in silence until I reached home.

There are times I will run into people that I have met before and be at a complete loss of what to say to them. Other than the standard “how are you doing” and “what are you up to”, I have nothing to say. I know small talk comes easily to some people but I’m not sure how.

I have a cousin who once told me that she manages to start conversations by just asking people about themselves. She found that people love talking about themselves and this helped her jump start any conversation. Is it that I’m not that interested in people? Or maybe it’s just that I’m too scared to start talking about anything. Maybe I’m worried what’ll people will think of me.

It’s interesting to me that that insecurity is still around. I’m at a place that I’ve established myself. I know who I am. And if I say something that everyone doesn’t like, should I even worry that much about it? I am well aware that everyone might not like me at this stage in life.

Maybe it’s just that I’ve done my job making new friends over my whole life and now, it’s harder. Now, we really have to make an effort to know someone else. Now, we have to try to find common ground that isn’t just provided to us. Before, we made friends of circumstance. We went to school with someone, they lived near us, we were in the same social group outside of school. It takes a lot to pass the insecurity we might have in order to make new friends.

Now, we have to work at it, especially if it’s a situation where you are truly there just to make friends. You have to put yourself out there. You have to find a way to make the small talk so that you can really get to know the people that you meet.

Small talk. Fun, huh?

Social Anxiety

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The idea of walking into a room full of strangers and having to talk to them scares the crap out of me. I’m assuming it’s because they might not like me. There are people who can go anywhere and will walk out with a room full of friends. I have one friend who I have gone out with in the past and she will know everyone in the place by the time she leaves. I know someone else that somehow manages to get to know everyone and has no trouble (at least that I can see) talking to anyone at anytime.

I wish I had that ability. I moved recently and while I am still in touch with my friends, I do have make new ones that are geographically closer. I haven’t had to make new friends in years. A lot of the people I have become friends with in the last few years I have met through other friends or through doing activities. I find that much easier than having to make friends without any type of familiarity in the process.

How many of us go through this social anxiety? I’d like to think it’s normal to feel this way. So how do those other people do it? How are they able to just talk to anyone? I honestly have to psych myself up when I know I’m meeting a group of new people for the first time. I have to convince myself that they will like me for me and that the worst that can happen is that I don’t talk to them again. I’m in my early thirties so I really should be over the idea that everyone has to like me.

I wonder where this fear comes from. Is it based on doubts of ourselves? Am I just not sure who I am? Is something else? I was never very popular. I always had my group of friends but I was definitely a nerd. I do feel as though I was judged while growing up for not being “cool”. Maybe this tag has remained with me as I’ve grown up and regardless of what I have done in my life, I will always feel like I’m not quite accepted for who I am.

I also wonder if the people who make it look so easy to just blend into a group also feel the social anxiety. Is it something that everyone go through whenever they step into a new situation? Or are there just people who are completely at ease no matter who they are talking to or any new place they go?

What is the secret to get rid of the social anxiety?

A Letter To My Child

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To my baby,

I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe you’re here. I’ve been waiting for you for a long time. Your father and I had to go through a lot before you came but you’re here now. Our perfect little baby.

I finally know what it means to watch my heart walking around outside of my body. The first week or so, one of us had to stay awake while you slept because we wanted to make sure you were okay.  I didn’t know then what I know now,  that you are tougher than you look. But I still always worry when you’re not smiling at me. I still wake up at least 3 times a night to make sure you’re doing fine.

It’s been tough.  We are learning each other and teaching each other at the same time. There are days I’m completely frustrated and exhausted but then, you do something new that I’ve never seen before and forget everything and am in awe again.

I love to fact that you do smile at me now. It feels like you know who I am, even though I’m not sure if you do. I can’t wait to share more with you. I want to laugh with you, dance with you, live with you. I want to teach you everything I’ve learned so you don’t make the same mistakes. I want you to see the world in the best light possible. I want you to always be happy.

I can’t believe I’m writing this letter to you. I hope you get to read it some day. For now, I’ll settle for you being the love of my life. Thank you for coming to us.

Can I Yell At You Already?

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Am I the only person that gets tired of taking the high road?

When someone does something to hurt you or treats you badly, it’s completely normal to want them to feel that way too. But, if you’re a good person or at least try to be, you don’t end up doing anything. The most you might do is try to talk to them to see if they will understand. The ones you can talk to might end up becoming your friends since at least the possibility of communication is there. The ones you can’t talk to though, those people you end up walking away from.

But what happens if you can’t walk away from them? There are people in this world you are sort of stuck with. Family, coworkers, family friends. And things happen. And you can’t always walk away from them so easily. You have to figure out a way to live with them. You have to figure out a way to tolerate being around them and whatever they do.

Is it just me or does it get tiring always having to be the good guy? Have you ever noticed that there are people that come across your life that you wish you could just shake some sense into? There are times I know I haven’t been the good guy and have ended up fighting with and/or yelling and screaming at people. But, then, I will usually apologize. It doesn’t mean that I will get an apology in return (we are assuming that there was a cause for me even getting to a point where I wanted to yell and scream). Sometimes, I wish I could just do what I wanted and not overanalyze it further. What would be best is if the other person understood why I was so upset and could really talk to me about it and we could resolve it. But, if they were like that, I’m assuming we wouldn’t be at a yelling and screaming point ever.

The world is made up of different types of people and we find those who think similarly to us to be around. Sometimes, I wish I could just sit and observe those people that I don’t understand. I would love to psychoanalyze them to really understand why they are the way they are. You can see the people that radiate confidence and those who seem completely insecure. You can figure out by the way people react to things based on the way they see themselves. There are people I just don’t understand and I wish I could figure out a way to really understand them.

Maybe it’d help me to feel better about taking the high road.

Yes, I Want To See You….Maybe

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Have you ever made plans with people and then, as soon as that day comes, you hear an excuse to cancel that plan? I once decided not to go to an event my friend was having just because it was really far and I didn’t want to drive all the way. But I didn’t want to tell her that I was just being lazy. So I tried to find an excuse that wouldn’t make her feel like she wasn’t worth me making the trip down there. It was really a lame thing to do. 

Why aren’t we just honest about how we feel about something? Or if you are the type of person that usually cancels, maybe it’s just better not to ever promise anything. I know we don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings but then again, are we sure that that person already doesn’t just know that we are making an excuse?

We all do it. I know there are things I need to get done by a certain deadline and there are times where I let that deadline slide a little. 

I wonder how we would all be if we stopped BSing about reasons to not do something. Are we really protecting someone else’s feelings or are we just trying to not feel guilty ourselves? I mean, I also wouldn’t want to hear from someone that they are more interested in doing something else other than hanging out with me. That wouldn’t help my self-confidence at all. 

Maybe we should just be friends with the people who do look at us as priority, that wouldn’t cancel on us without a good, honest reason to start with. I had this friend one time that would always just say that he would see about the plans that I was offering to him. It made me think that he was waiting to see if a better, more interesting offer was going to come. Otherwise, he would follow through on my plan. Why would I want to be friends with people like that? 

More importantly, why do people do that? I just don’t understand why you’d make plans with someone that you don’t consider high priority anyways. Is it just so that if nothing else happens, you’re not sitting alone at home? I would rather be home than out with people that I don’t consider my friends. 

The one last part of this I wanted to bring up are the group of people who tell you they will talk to you and even tell you when they will contact you. And then, that day comes and goes and you never hear from them. I know someone who keeps giving me future dates with promises of contact and yet, I haven’t heard from them at all yet. It’s gotten to a point where I don’t even bother clearing my day because I just assume that I won’t hear from them. 

All it takes is a little honesty and some effort to keep your word. If you can’t follow through on something, be straight about it. If you constantly can’t follow through with something, don’t say you will. Maybe it’s better to be the spontaneous person and just show up to places so no one is actually disappointed, only pleasantly surprised. 

Let’s stop the BS and maybe we can all trust each other a little bit more. 

The Wedding Day

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I keep seeing some patterns on Facebook with the wedding pictures posted that I wanted to address. It might be judgmental of me or maybe I’m wrong in interpreting the meaning or the situation behind the pictures. I don’t necessarily know the couples beyond an acquaintance and maybe there is something there that I’m not seeing. But here are my thoughts and I wanted to share them.

1) On your wedding day, your smile should be real. Note that I said “should be”. The posed smiles are really easy to tell especially if you aren’t an actor. And maybe you have a great posed smile but the smiles I want to see are the ones that reach your eyes. The ones that really look like there’s nowhere else you’d rather be than in that spot with that person you’re marrying. A lot of times, the first pictures that go up on Facebook are not the professional posed pictures but the ones that your friends and family take at the event randomly. My question is: When the pros aren’t looking and it’s not a posed moment, do you still look happy?

2) My next question is: Is the person you’re marrying your best friend? If that person is, then what’s the need to ditch that person on your wedding day to hang out with anyone and everyone else? I understand that there are family and friends that you haven’t probably seen in years and you want to spend time with them but is it necessary to do it in a way that abandons your partner? Isn’t it possible for both of you to hang out with your friends? Besides, if you ditch your significant other, aren’t you ditching your best friend? Would you do that to your other best friends?

3) A wedding day is just that. A wedding day. I keep seeing people who are so concerned about the wedding itself that they forget to have fun themselves. You plan for a year for this one day (or in the case of an Indian wedding, this one week) and then what? It’s over. But guess what? Marriage is for life. So what if your flowers aren’t the exact colors that you chose or everything didn’t run in the order that you wanted? In the end, you married the person you are in love with. As long as that happened, who cares what else happened? It’s just a small piece of a marriage. There will be many more challenges in life than your wedding day. Get ready for those.

4) If you are more concerned about the wedding than what comes after, maybe getting married at this time or to this person isn’t the right path for you. I can’t necessarily see this in photos but again, you can see the connection between people. And you can see when someone is more in tune with the planning than they are with the fact that they are committing themselves to one person for the rest of their lives.

It frustrates me to see this. Again, I know I don’t have the full story always and there are always things behind the pictures that I will never know. But I definitely hope that I see wedding pictures where the bride and groom look so joyously happy that I can feel it when I see those pictures.

Cheating Through Life

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Recently, I have been experiencing people trying to take advantage of me. And the funny part is I see it happening almost like an out of body experience point of view and I think it’s just a little sad. If I were to put in a pie graph, 20% of people I have encountered are nice and 80% are out to “get someone”, cheat them to get ahead.

I recently got in an accident. Luckily, I was okay. Little setup: The accident happened near south central LA. As I was calling my insurance trying to figure things out, 2 tow truck owners came to the scene and started asking questions. I had to ask them to hold back so I could talk to my insurance. Then, another tow truck showed up a few minutes later, parked behind the other two, and then took off. I resolved everything with my insurance company and they were sending a tow truck. I told the tow truck guys, “sorry but the insurance can’t approve you over the phone since they have a system”. The guys were super nice and said, “hey no problem, just here to help. we’ll kick back in case things take long with your insurance”.

The insurance was suppose to take 45 minutes or less but they were taking a lot longer, over an hour. I called them back to get a status and apparently, they were backlogged. A little notification to the waiting client would have been nice. So I waited. Then, a tow truck showed up saying “Mercury? Mercury?” (the name of my insurance). Naturally I said “YES!”. He proceeded to be nice, very nice actually, introduced himself, and said “Coo man, let me set you up.” He proceeded to attach the car to the tow truck. I found it a little weird that he didn’t ask for my license or Mercury card. But I figured that was being handled by the insurance company somehow and they were just trying to get me on the way. I had been waiting over an hour and was just happy someone from the company finally showed up.

He hooked up the car to the tow truck and when I got in to the tow truck, I asked him if we were going to Fix Auto Body Shop which is where my insurance told me we were going. He said “Oh nah man, they changed it to one local to here. Yeah, yeah it’s over here”. A red flag went up.  Unfortunately, we were already on the way. I didn’t want to create a scene. Obviously, this was a semi-kidnap scene.

He proceeded to be a great friend all about putting me at ease.

Now we get to the body shop “Impact Body Shop”. The owner makes me wait a few minutes. Then, he asks me what happened. Weird, I thought the insurance would tell him that. The he asks “what insurance do you have”. SHIT, 2nd Red Flag. It was then that I realized the tow truck guy was the same as the one that pulled up second on the scene. He talked to the other gentlemen there to ask what my insurance was… DUH!

So I was able to stall him and get back to Mercury and get another tow truck which got me to the right body shop. After 5 hours.

So, why do people lie? Cheat? Their fellow human beings? Is this survival of the fittest?

How can we become so low as a society to come to this?

Bear with me, I am not ranting about anyone specific in LA. I have had the SAME experience of people trying to cheat me in London and back at home in India.

Over the past month, the balance of people being nice vs. being nice to get me has been really skewed.

I can only thank my parents for raising me in a way to stay strong and hold my ground. I get the true value of their teachings and an even more heightened respect for them. I often said, “oh dad/mom don’t worry”. Now, I get why they worried. I get what I need to do when I bring a kid into this world. I get it. But I can’t help but think how sad the whole thing is. Human nature, survival of the fittest.. it makes you grow some balls.

Socially Awkward

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One of my good girlfriends was surprised when I told her I was an introvert. Unless I’m comfortable with the people I’m with, I’m not too good at being super social. 

If I end up in a room with a bunch of people I don’t know, I have to force myself to be friendly. I would much rather curl up in the corner with a good book. I have a friend who can literally walk into a place and make friends with everyone there and leave knowing everyone’s life story. I really wish I could do that. 

Those people who can be friends with everyone amaze me. And I don’t mean the fake people that pretend to be friends with you. I mean the sincere people who really want to know you and create a new relationship. 

So what makes us introverted? I don’t know if it’s entirely the insecurity of the possibility that the new people you meet might not like you or if it’s just a preference. I don’t think being an introvert is a bad thing at all. It’s who you are. I just have trouble accepting it for myself because I judge myself to be socially awkward when I’m not the person who knows everyone in the room. Talking to someone one on one is much easier for me. Put me in a room of a bunch of people I don’t know and I want to run the other way. 

I asked my cousin once on how she manages to go anywhere and be comfortable talking to anyone. She told me that her secret is just to ask them about themselves. I still have to learn to employ this technique. 

Being introverted is a challenge. It’s not an easy thing to overcome. One day, I hope to be comfortable enough with myself that I have an easier time being in a large crowd. I’m pretty sure I can’t be the only person who feels this way. 

How do you manage to be social in a large crowd? 

Yes, I’m Being a Hypocrite by Writing This Post

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I’ve been really pissed off lately. I was trying to figure out where all of this anger was coming from and I realized that a lot of it is watching the hypocritical behavior in others.

I want to be completely honest. I’m a hypocrite too. Especially for writing this particular entry. How can I judge someone else being hypocritical when this entire post is about not judging and not being hypocritical? I get angry at people for being who they are and being unforgiving and being self-centered. If I was truly not hypocritical, I wouldn’t do that. I would be more accepting and kind and really just more nice towards others. I’m just glad I’m aware enough to know that my opinion makes my whole post exactly what I’m trying to write about.

On that note, I know maybe 4 people in my life that are truly nice and kind towards other people, even if they have been wronged by them. These are the saints I know. Trust me, I’m not even close to being that kind of person no matter how much I’d love to be.

Anyways, back to the hypocritical people. There are people I have seen mistreated and judged and then I see those same people who have judged them doing the same types of things they are advising against. There are people who act like they know everyone and want be everyone’s friend yet I watch them fail at being someone’s friend when they needed to be there for that person. It’s ridiculous. Why is this happening? Why do people think they are allowed to be rude to others?

I am aware that I should be tactful and kind and nice to everyone. You know the saying “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say it at all.” It’s become hard for me to do that. If someone has wronged me, I have grown tired of holding my tongue and being kind and not saying anything. It’s not that I want to spread bad things about the person but if someone asks me if I know them and I have nothing nice to say, I’ve started saying it. The sad part is whatever I have said is the truth. It’s a consistent opinion. I know that doesn’t make it okay that I say anything but I have started to hate feeling guilty for telling the truth bluntly.

A friend of mine wrote a post in Facebook where he mentioned that people have stopped taking responsibility for their own behavior. 100% true. I feel like people have started feeling like they are entitled to everything. They are allowed to treat people however they want and if they are lucky, they are always around people who are much nicer than they themselves are and who won’t say anything.

How long will this go on? When are we allowed to be honest? When are we allowed to say that we have been treated badly?

Let me make one thing clear. I have treated others badly in my past (and probably in my present). Not necessarily on purpose but it has happened. And I’d like to think that I’m a big enough of a person to have apologized for my behavior when I realize that I have hurt someone or said something I shouldn’t have. Unfortunately, most of the time, I find apologizing a one way street. I know that I do it for my inner peace but I have watched so many people just assume that that meant that they were right and that really burns me.

I realize that this post was more of a rant but I feel as though I have started getting cynical because I’ve been around people that I can respect. I see more and more of this self-centered, hypocritical behavior and it makes me wonder how we as a community are ever going to get anywhere in life.

I’m calling out all of you that have been hypocrites at some point. Recognize that you are doing more damage to our community as a whole for having double standards. Recognize that no one is entitled and that everyone needs to be kinder and more accepting of others. Recognize that we all make mistakes and nothing makes you a better or stronger person that taking responsibility for those mistakes.

I apologize for being a hypocrite by judging those who are hypocrites.